By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
You know if someone really cares or if they don't by the look on their face.
I've read how you are doing on other answers and I just want to encourage you to keep up the good work, it is the most difficult job in the world and you sound well balanced and strong. May you find peace and unexpected joy in each day.
HUGS for all you do! Your husband is very blessed to have you.
Even better, they look at him and say 'you look really good! ". Of course he is a good lookin guy, I found a good husband. Smart and kind and good looking. I havent heard any say I look good or ask how I am doing in a long time. It used to bother me, but not anymore. I just appreciate that I must be doing a spectacular job of keeping him well taken care of. What else can you do?
As for answering queries, as others have suggested it depends on who is doing the asking (close friend/relative? probably can be a little more candid - passing friend/neighbor? try some of the generic responses others posted)
When going to mom's condo, several neighbors will ask how she is. Only one truly cares much, so I don't go into details. I think the others are mostly nosy (mom was never really close with them.)
But, back to you - how you are doing? :-)
With very close friends you could ask if they’re free for coffee or lunch because you need some time to vent. Some people are good listeners and some may have helpful offers or suggestions that could be helpful.
If people haven’t gone through what you’re going through they are helpless to understand or know what to do or what to say.
If you’re taking things personally it may just mean you are completely worn out physically and emotionally. If possible, pamper yourself whenever you can. It’s good for you, and you deserve and need it more than you realize.
May the Lord lift you up and guide you through each day.
I hope you have people in your life with whom you can open and honest. You NEED to share and verbalize your frustrations and anger to someone who will not judge you.
People are often kind of terrified by the illness and the feeling of "that could be me" that comes when disease hits. Or any terminal illness.
My DH has multiple health issues--we're working through them--but when he was waiting for a liver transplant 13 years ago I thought I would go mad from all the well meaning individuals, who were curious, but not very thoughtful. He had HepC and that ruined his liver---we were pretty open and honest about it, but people still judged him/us and were kind of awful at times. His own mother wouldn't eat or drink anything from our home as she thought she'd get it. (sigh)
He had 2 major heart attacks this summer. We're still reeling a little. We've chosen not to overshare. A very few people ( and I can say that our sibs have been pretty much MIA during this terrible time!) know all the stuff we went through and I liked keeping it "in house".
I REALLY appreciated the few people who bothered to ask how I was getting along. Caregivers definitely get the short end of the compassion stick.
Education is important for everyone and if it’s negative balance it with the positives you have had this week.
The Parkinson’s and Dementia process is hard and people want to know.
Best wishes,
Lisa
My husband has Alzheimers (diagnosed in 2011) and it is so difficult to tell all our old friends, because they all live a long way from us. Now I am thinking of keeping them in touch regularly (no, not F***book - I hate it); I think I may create a 'group email' and send to all once a month or so. That way people will learn about Alzheimers, and it will be no great surprise if he deteriorates, and i will not be blamed for not telling people!!!!
Also - I am planning to go on holiday again before Christmas - my husband seemed to get on ok at a local care home in the summer, hopefully he wont dig his heels in at another stay!
I heartily recommend 'time out' for carers (please dont use the term 'respite' in front of me!) because we have to do so much with no prospect of improvement, or even a thankyou.
Best wishes and love to you all from the UK
Emmdee
When you're having an extremely bad day yourself, you can even say, "you know it's terminal, right?"
We started saying that because my DH was 96 and there is no cure for old age. Somehow it made my DH feel better that I was acknowledging old age is terminal.
There is nothing wrong with you saying that PD is a progressive disorder. It is neither unkind nor TMI. It is what it is.
I agree that there is nothing wrong with saying PD is a progressive disorder. This is absolutely true and lets people know that the person with Parkinsons will not be getting better.
Do i remember the good times ??? Of course not. Lying in bed at nite/showering/driving to work ... what do i remember ... sadness of course. So i have to divert my memories ... which can be hard even tho i KNOW i had some.
Sad ? Pathetic ? Well yeah.
If im 78 now ... how much worse will it get ???
I don’t think some people know how to handle a long term illness, especially neurological illness.
The only people who ask how I’m doing are my circle, which includes loved ones who are or were caregivers. I’m ok with that too, because there’s no way I want to discuss feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, saddened, and a myriad of other things with people who don’t understand. To other people, I respond that I’m paddling fast but doing ok.
You're not alone...there are many of us who understand and share your struggle. I hope you get a decent sleep tonight.
The important people in your life already know what you’re going through and believe me, they send up prayers for you even if they don’t advertise it. Because of the stress we’re under, it’s difficult to project our true selves. Life changes for everyone involved. People used to say my personality embodied my name (Joy) but no one has said that to me for a long while...but we do what we can as best as we can, and when it comes down to it, what other people think is really not all that important.
If you feel the need to unburden yourself, perhaps a therapist would be helpful.