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moved in with mom over 2 years ago for full time care. I’m so tired of being made to feel stupid.

Does mom own her house and are you dependent for now in staying there? Or do you reasonably expect to inherit the house if you stick it out? These are reasonable reasons to stay.
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Reply to PeggySue2020
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If you ae asking I would say that you are near done. Are you looking into other solutions? I would start now.

Me, I know my limitations and would never make it as a live in caregiver, for several years I had 3 in AL, that was enough of a challenge for me.

Do what is best for you.
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Reply to MeDolly
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No one can "make you feel" anything. That is something you "allow yourself" to feel.
It is time to get some psychological counseling for yourself so you can make solid decisions going forward. Otherwise you will throw your own life away on the slow burn of your parent's funeral pyre; and no one will ever thank you for it.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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When you’re asking the question and so tired, chances are you’re done. And it’s okay. You’ve done all you can, all that should be reasonably expected. It’s time to practice self care and build your own life. I wish you healing and peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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When one ends up asking that question ,
they are usually done .
That’s ok . We all have our limits .
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Reply to waytomisery
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funkygrandma59 Nov 6, 2024
You took the words right out of my mouth waytomisery.
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So when we began caregiving for my FIL - we drew a line in the sand. If you get to this point, we will not be able to keep you in your home.

My SIL and BIL lived with him (because they needed a roof over their heads). And this somewhat muddied the waters a little because they needed him to stay home so that they had a place to live (and someone to pay their bills). So if I'm honest, he stayed in his home a lot longer than he should have.

But that line that we established earlier was the hill to die on so to speak. We knew if he got to the point where he could no longer get himself to and from the bathroom, we would have no choice. He weighed 300+lbs and there was no way that keeping him in his home was going to be feasible if he couldn't get out of bed.

Once he got to that point, we had to force the issue and get him into a SNF.

That was ONE way we knew we were done.

But if I'm really honest - we already knew we were done before he got to that point. There are 4 of us that were providing care, 2 living onsite. ALL 4 of us had caregiver injuries. All of us were struggling with our mental health. His care was consuming us.

I had already told my DH that I was done - I couldn't do it any longer. He agreed. It was between that and the fact that FIL was no longer able to get himself out of bed that was the final tipping point.

You know when you are at the end of your rope. The old adage about tying a knot and holding on- that's just dangerous with caregiving. If you are burned out or overstressed or unable to manage the care any longer - you KNOW you need to find another option.
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Reply to BlueEyedGirl94
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