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You have no moral or legal obligation to provide care of any sort for your mother or anyone else except for minor children.
You can put that sort of thing behind you. All that's needed is a wee bit of courage and a deafening silence when they try to continue as part of your life. Three months until Christmas! That's just the right amount of time to dump them, making it a happy holiday for you.
What also gets me by is that I do not care ONe bit if mother loves me. I only need to her like me enough to cooperate with my efforts to keep her stable.
I didn't like my father. My father didn't like me. He wasn't abusive or anything like that, he was just self involved and had no idea how his decisions and actions impacted others. He never did during his entire life. He was very social and had lots of friends and everyone thought he was wonderful and I felt like a horrible person for disliking him as I did. I tried to make my complaints and comments in a joking manner with my friends but they weren't fooled.
As a caregiver I did what I had to do but I never had him live with me, I was very clear on my boundaries, and I was clear if he crossed that line I would just let him deal on his own. I would let him know what I would and would not do and if he complained (or yelled) I'd just walk away. He lived to 102. I was positive I would die first.
So, just set your boundaries, keep your distance, do the minimum required and ignore the comments about "You're so lucky to still have him."
I've cut that out a lot. Put my foot down with these silly errands, like a tomato at the other farm stand , because that one has better ones.
Now unless I'm going to the farm stand for me, she gets grocery store tomatoes.
Ya gotta put you foot down, and just ignore the busy work they try to get you to do.
You have to put you first. There are many things that they can do without or wait for.
Then you do everything exactly what they want and they are so ungrateful. It's not fun at all, I did it for 3 years
Best of luck!
Your mother can hire a handyman, yard man, someone to take her to her appointments, and whatever other help she needs with her money of course. Or she can move into an assisted living facility where all of that will be done for her.
You just apparently need to find your voice once and for all and learn how to say and use the word NO. Once you start using that small but powerful 2 letter word, you will find your life improving daily.
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