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And then refuse to accept that kind of dialogue.
Also, it's incredibly inappropriate for them to be discussing previous employers.
I don't know if you've ever done homecare. Caregiving in the home of an elder can best be described by a passage in a poem called 'The Ballad Of Reading Gaol' by Oscar Wilde.
'Each day is like a year. A year whose days are long'.
So if you don't want your aides to carry on about their former employers because they probably have exhausted every other topic of conversation they can have with you, here's what to do.
Tell each of them that you don't want to hear about their former employers and it's okay if you and them are not talking continuously. Tell them that you don't expect them to entertain you every second or to make sure they're looking busy because you're not going to get them in trouble if they sit down or aren't talking to you every second.
Tell them that it's okay if they go on their phone, read a book, watch tv, or go out for a cigarette (if they are smokers), so long as they've gotten their work done and you care needs are met.
In a nutshell, maybe try not being a fussy knit-picker to your help and they won't feel like they have to be "on" every second they're in your home.
We had an aide that worked only on Sundays. Every time I came back to the house it seemed she was outside having a cigarette by her car parked out on the street. I was ridiculously nice about it (because I needed her more than she needed me - you try to find someone willing to work only Sundays) telling her to have her cigarette on the porch since mom was in the living room and the aide could hear her call out from the porch. I was in fact paying for her to sit with her for four hours, not really taking cigarette breaks.
God only knows how many cigarettes she smoked. I'm sure I only saw a handful of times. We eventually let her go for other reasons, but this rubbed me the wrong way.
Makes you wonder what they are saying about you.
I would tell them straight up, when they come to your house
Really? Tell them to 'straighten up'? Know what I'd tell you if I was your homecare worker and you said that to me?
Better to let the aides know that they don't have talk and entertain every second and they don't have to run around in circles making sure they look busy.
Just be decent to them so they don't feel as if they have to do these things to keep their job.
Better if the client and their family is upfront about what they want and expect from the aide. They usually aren't though. So it leads to misunderstandings. Like an aide who 'talks too much'. Then if she quiets down and there's crickets for a while she's being 'snotty' or ignoring the client. Then the client gets that aide in trouble with her agency who may be doing nothing wrong simply because that client wants to be a fussy a$$hole.
We had a senior client who's actually pretty well off mentally and does not live alone. The family was looking for companionship and someone to take her out. This client had one of my best girls going to her home.
Anyway, she called and was very sweet when she requested a different aide because the one who she had was fat and snotty. Now, I've known this girl since the day she was born. I'm also her godmother. She's a sweet and kind girl. A nursing student who actually likes elderly people.
I talked to her first before doing anything. The 'snottiness' happened because the client had been verbally abusing her about being fat and stupid since day one. She finally broke down and cried in front of the client. She also told her to go 'f' herself (which was totally justified) and left. Everyone has a breaking point and I only wish she had told me sooner.
The client was dropped from our service immediately much to the disappointment of the client and her daughter. Turns out three other care agencies have dropped this client from service before us.
This is why it's best to just be honest about what the client needs and expects. This woman wanted someone she could lash out at and be verbally abusive to.
Many times this is the case. The client enjoys causing trouble and being nasty. Then they get a homecare aide to take it out on.