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I am caring for someone with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, hearing loss, and stroke.
It's rather impossible to relate to, or have a satisfying relationship with, an elder suffering with dementia and hearing loss, I have found. They can't hear you or understand you, so you're speaking very loudly, then being accused of yelling at them. They can't process your words, so have a hard time understanding you, then start arguing everything you say. There's no magic answer. For me, it was placing my mother in Memory Care Assisted Living where I didn't have to deal with her continuously. We always had a difficult relationship because she was always a difficult woman. Add hearing loss, strokes and dementia into the kettle, and there's a toxic stew nobody wants a bite of. I loved her, but our relationship was better off taken in small doses.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
How old is Mom
When did she lose her husband and had they a long and happy relationship
Where does mom live/where do you live
What is mom's physical and mental health status.
thanks.
Dementia is involved here. And there really isn't within that world of dense thickets a clear path in, out, around or through.
As Lea says, any hearing deficit is going to complicate this very much.
The real question is not so much how to handle this, as there are really only the ways you are almost certainly already attempting.
For me the only real question is how long you can live with this when your loved one may need honestly whole shifts of more than one person to help them.
I am so sorry. I hope you stay and read on. You will get a lot of things people have tried, and I think be helped in knowing you are not alone in having no answers other than to expect the unexpected.
It could be that you're struggling more because you are also grieving your father, or stepfather.
You say that you are caring for someone with dementia. I know, from experience, how difficult it can be to have meaningful interactions with someone who isn't completely in the here and now.
I coped by mostly trying to meet my mum on her level, while sometimes telling her things that were important to me, even though I knew she wouldn't necessarily be able to understand what I was talking about.
I engaged Mum on her level by playing old music that she liked, by showing her pictures she would enjoy, by taking her to a dementia friendly sing along group, and watching old musicals together. Until her final weeks, Mum could answer questions on quizzes, like The Chase and Eggheads, but she couldn't follow storylines and got confused easily.
Some people found her dementia and general decline at odds with her ability to answer difficult questions, including working out sums and the sayings on Catchphrase. Finding the best ways to engage Mum, and understanding which triggers would make her feel confused and agitated so I could avoid them, made our interactions feel more worthwhile.
On the times that Mum was vacant and could barely respond, I just accepted that this was a bad day - it's possible that she'd had TIAs, or an epileptic fit, or just a lack of oxygen to the brain (COPD + smoking + vascular dementia).
I learned to forgive my mum's lack of skills as a mother. Whatever mistakes she made, I know that she did her best and didn't have good role models herself. Nevertheless, I did remind myself, on those occasions that I felt I wasn't doing enough for her, that she hadn't always been there for me. I reminded myself that I was doing my best, like Mum had done, and though not perfect it's sometimes all we can do.
Anytime I saw a sign that Mum was still there, inside this shrunken, old woman, who I hardly recognised, it would make me smile. Even when the last time Mum spoke my name, before she died, was to snap at me, I thought - yep, she's still my mum!
This may not be relevant to your situation, but I think you need to be a little bit more specific about what your actual issues are, with relating to your mum.
I hope that you find your way through this.
More information is really needed , for me it was difficult because my dad was mean to my mother, I honestly wasn't much of a fan of my father's, and no matter how my dad treated my mom she worshiped him. Still does. It was very difficult to navigate.
Whats your parents age, how's your moms health now, is she in her home?
Some push people away want to be left alone, some don't want to be alone.
Best of luck, this is a transition and never easy of anyone in the family.