By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Is this new behaviour?
She's just needing the reassurance that you are there.
You haven't given us any examples of her trying to harm you so why do you think she may? Or is it just you that is paranoid because of your uncle?
No 2 people with dementia will be the same, so to to try and guess who in your family will be violent with it and who won't is futile.
And any office that is still using Covid as an excuse for not allowing people in, is just down right ridiculous. Surely you have more than one elder law attorney in your area, so find one that isn't so ridiculous, as I wouldn't want one that is still using Covid as an excuse anyway.
And if your mom has too much money for Medicaid she should be using it for her care anyway, so it might be best to get her placed and when she runs out of money the facility will help you apply for Medicaid for her.
COVID? This lawyer is still going by COVID mandates? Seems weird.
Social Security strongly encourages doing a lot of business online and not going to the office
If she doesn't have a PoA maybe consider contacting your county's social services to discuss court-appointed guardianship. Then all her affairs will be managed and needs met by the state.
This is how Medicaid works.
1) Your mother gets placed in a care facility.
2) The care facility takes her monthly income from day one of her being placed in care.
3) Whatever assets she has in her name (real estate, bank accounts, insurance policies, vehicles, etc...) that were not made Medicaid-exempt will have to be liquidated into cash and 'spent-down' on her monthly care bill.
4) After her assets have all been depleted, she gets put on Medicaid which then pays the remainder of the monthly balance her monthly income does not cover.
So, no one receives too much money to be on Medicaid if they cannot afford to pay 10, 15, 20 thousand dollars a month or more in cash indefinitely to whatever care facility they're placed in.
Next, I was a caregiver for 25 years to more elders with dementia than I can count. DO NOT allow your mother to form a 'shadowing' habit where she has to be right with you every second. Put in some cameras in the house, and lock the door when you are working in your office. Or get a home/health aide to babysit her while you are working or if you need time away for respite. There is also the option of medicating her if needs be.
If you have to and only as a last resort, You can bring her to a hospital ER and ask for a 'Social Admit' (known by its more popular slang term the 'ER Dump'). Be sure to use the term 'Social Admit' with these people. A 'Social Admit' is when a person brings someone who they cannot care for anymore to the ER and tells them they cannot and will not take care of them anymore. A social worker will come down and talk to you, then you talk.
Then you tell them that your mother is violent, then the family history of violent dementia, and that you absolutely and emphatically REFUSE to allow her back into your home. I know this sounds harsh, but this is how you cut through the red tape ad get her placed.
The hospital people will make all kinds of promises about all kinds of resources and support being available to you if you'll take her home. They are lying. Don't back down in your refusal to take her back.
Do not surrender any POA if you have it though. The hospital will admit her and keep her until they find a bed in an available memory care facility. Then you can work with that. Once she's placed you can look at other care facilities that you may like better and move her. Or get her on waiting lists.
You're in a tough spot, but not impossible.
If you fear for your life? This is no way to live and your health will deterorat also, because of the constant stress your living under.
There has to be another answer than her living with you. There is always a way. Does your mom own a house , that can be sold?
This kind of stress your dealing with daily can lead you to have PTSD.
Have you considered meds for your mom. I'm not up to date on that but I would definitely talk to her doctor.
Best of luck to you