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The daughter needs to stop "suggesting" anything to her father because whatever she says will fall on deaf dementia ears and he will forget anyway. So she has to take action and petition the court for conservatorship of her parents before a tragedy happens and the state appoints a conservator for them. They should probably be placed in a Long Term Care facility. One appropriate to meet their care needs.
I did homecare for 25 years. Speaking from experience I can honestly say that when people are at the point where they won't let us in and all that nonsense, they usually end up not accepting homecare and they have to be placed.
What you can do it have a talk with the daughter and let her know that you will be calling APS because they are at risk, vulnerable adults. She should also call.
If the daily management gets to be onerous to the daughter or PoA, then it is probably time to consider AL, as others on this thread have also suggested.
You as his wife have to now take control as your husband is no longer able to. He no longer gets a say in who stays and who goes, as his brain is broken and will not get better.
And if his care is too much for you then it's time to have him placed in the appropriate facility.
Has he been tested for dementia. Does not sound like a good situation, he could forget wife's meds or anything.
So yes, my advice to the poster is to advise the daughter to research additional options for her parents' care. The husband does not seem capable of understanding his wife's care needs. Daughter needs to intervene for their health and safety.
What you have mentioned (setting up help, then turning them away) sounds like dementia. He sounds more than a little confused and dementia will only get worse. Get him to a Dr to have proper diagnosis done so you know what you are dealing with.
They may need to call the daughter to find out how / what her involvement is in the care of her parents.
Someone needs to manage care-givers.
It would seem that the daughter would be the person to do this.
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