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Don’t argue, don’t explain because she probably will take that as an argument. Just change the subject or if you can’t , leave the room for a bit.
As far as cash goes. I had a difficult time with that with my Husband. He had always used strictly cash for 99.99% of the transactions he did. (used to own his own business and he came from a family that owned a restaurant. so Cash was King) I cleared out his wallet one evening after he went to bed. I removed the cash he had but I did replace some using singles. Looked like a lot more than it really was. It was not long before he actually stopped taking his wallet out to pay for something.
Side note here though. He did take off in the car one day and he did have a credit card in his wallet. After I contacted the police and told them that he had gone missing I called the credit card company and cancelled the card. I did not want someone else getting it somehow and using it. When the police got to the house they asked me about cash and credit cards and when I told the officer that he had little cash and I just cancelled the card they told me that I should have kept it active because it would be easier to track him if he tried to use it. (in the 12 hours he was missing he never tried to use it) ..longest 13 hours of my life!
So it might be good to have an active card on her if you have no other way to track her. (phone or other device that she would have on her)
I keep hearing you can't explain things or use rationales with victims because they no longer have the capacity to reason. Dealing with that is easier said than done. What is a discussion except the exchange of facts, opinions, thoughts, logic, etc.? It may be time to start using the "white lies" - as in, "you asked me to deposit the money for you so I did." Or "oh, we took care of that together. Gosh, I'm getting hungry. Do you want something to eat?" That's deflection. Maybe even "I have it safely secured for you. You asked me to hold onto it because your memory is getting a little rusty but every penny you asked me to watch is there." Then deflect.
Having money seems to equal security for some, so removing it will cause anxiety. Maybe small bills that won't matter too much if they get hidden. You'll find them someday - depending on your living situations and she's with or near you. Good luck. Try not to take the anger personally - you're doing the best you can.
If you refuse to discuss things, then the person may just obsess on things, and it goes from bad to worse fast.
Not sure there is a really good answer to this, but it is one of the side effects of truly caring for an elder, and not everything can be fixed with a magic wand. There are some great suggestions in this thread, such as small bills, and etc. But when you are in charge of an elder, he or she may actually, if they are "givers" give away a lot of the cash they have to spend. I think the important thing to know is that nothing is really personal in accusations and fibs. They can't "help it" and we still can. It takes patience and it involves heartbreak.
of Alzhiemers I have POA over her health & welfare!
I also got her to go to the bank with me & made her account joint telling her that - if needed I could take care of her affairs!
That worked fortunately for me— she would never remember her pin number & all her close friends did !
As she got worse I changed her pin number & I also would
control what she could take out not that there was much
because of other financial issues that she had forgetting to pay her bills !
That was about six years ago & she is now turning seventy five & is in a nursing home!
Make sure everything is in order before she declines in her health!
Is she on any psych meds to help with agitation?
Just a thought. Maybe it's time for me to go to bed!
can you find where the money is hidden? My Dad used to put the money in his sock drawer. I would just take the money from his sock drawer to give to him each week....he was happy..he had money, and in reality we just recirculated the same money week after week.