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As a certified personal trainer, I can tell you that if your husband doesn't want to move even moderately, there is nothing that you can do.
I've seen the same resistance in both personal and professional relationships and you're just beating your head against the wall.
Some people have no motivation and are stubborn. I used to visit a elderly lady. She was the sweetest thing. She was 92 and suffered from water retention in her ankles. It was like all the water in her legs went to her ankles. They were huge. All she had to do was keep her feet up. But no, she wanted to sit in her favorite chair with her feet flat on the floor. Her daughter told me when she was in rehab doing therapy for a broken hip, the swelling disappeared because she was moving and keeping her feet up. Got home and ankles swelling again.
I think what we need to realize as people, that we cannot change people. You have to except this is how its going to be. Your DH has a right to live the way he wants. You are just stressing yourself out for someone who does not care. I don't think its depression, I think its years if being lazy. If he is capable of doing something make him do it. Do not disable him. I would tell him "I love you but I am not stressing out about your health anymore. And when your care gets more than I can do, you will go to a NH" I am not beyond a little threat. Lay it out for him and then no surprises when he needs NH care. My DH does not want to go to a NH. He can be stubborn and I have told him that I will care for him as long as I can but...her has to be cooperative.
This is not going to change, and your determination, after the recent SEVERAL MONTHS of rehab work, is going to merely frustrate you.
Nowhere do you mention your husbands age. It takes a good deal of determination, and simple love for movement, at some point. I cared as a nurse for 90 year olds who were not only determined to move, but who FEARED dreadfully any orders for bed rest for any number of days, warning doctors that this would mean they could not get back their strength and mobility.
A low dose anti depressant is worth a try. But several decades?? I would bet that and everything else has already been tried.
I would practice acceptance at this point. You already realize that long term this won't be good for hubby's health. But I doubt there is a lot you can try that hasn't been tried already and this is a source now of much frustration for both you and for your husband.
Best of luck out to you. DO try to get him up even for short amount of time. Don't fetch him his water, his glasses. Make him do the work. And do have an honest talk with him that you will not be able to continue in his care when his mobility is gone and he is bedbound.
Keep on with your own activity level so you won't wind up with a bad health profile yourself. Be sure to get out and have some fun too, because you don't need to stay immobilized in the house 24/7 just because DH chooses to do so.
Best of luck to you
I have learned a lot of lessons on what NOT to do to be able to enjoy your golden years.
Has your husband had a memory/cognitive exam? Have you talked to his doctor about possible depression? Have you had a "come to Jesus" discussion about how much more likely it will be for him to stay in his home with you helping him if he can't help himself do things and move places? It doesn't seem rational of him, so there's something else going on.
"Dear, sweetest husband, if you walk together with me today a little, I'll give you your favorite snack/meal right after, plus 3 donuts."
"Dear, sweetest husband, if you don't walk with me today a little, you will be forced to watch your least favorite, most boring movie (with your least favorite actor) three times in a row, followed by Brussels Sprouts for breakfast, lunch and dinner all week, and you must pay me $200 for every day you don't walk. I'm not kidding."
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a technique i use at home, with my LO:
when they come back from walking to the bathroom (with the walker), i force them to walk around the living room, before they're allowed to sit back down. they resist, but every time, i manage to persuade, and then they feel quite good about having walked some rounds. i also force them to drink water after.
another technique i used:
sometimes my LO listens more to the physio, than to family. so sometimes i hire the physio to force my LO to do exercises.
So, for your hubby. Hire someone to do exercises with him. Maybe he'll be like my mom and be VERY compliant with everyone but you. Maybe try going to an exercise class with him. Or doing a DVD together?
If he likes to go on outings, park far away and make him walk with you. Make him do things for himself around the house. Ask him to get you things. Make up things just to get him to move. Asking him to move for no reason is not working so you have to get creative and a little devious.
I am so close to giving up on my mom and her mobility. I know without her PT helpers she would be in a LOT more pain (which led us to our current round of therapists) and would hardly be able to move. I know she will end up in a wheelchair and then a nursing home if I give up on it. I can't do it with her anymore myself because of too many bad memories of the times that she whined and complained and would not do anything to help herself.
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