What household activities can my mom do when she has dementia and low vision?

I've tried all the special equipment to try to get mom enough sight to be able to read, but to no avail. We've settled on audiobooks which she has really taken to. I had her fold all the dish towels the other day and she never questioned why I suddenly had the need to wash all the dish towels. I also had her wash and remove grapes from the stems. My husband told her how helpful that was to him. He has Parkinson's Disease and removing grapes from the stem can be a challenge to him. I'm definitely going to have her do that whenever I buy grapes.

Please get those FREE items available from the COB! It will be life-changing to the low vision person.

I've read all of the above and can recognize I've experienced everything with my mother. I agree you want to do everything quickly yourself but they need to feel like they are useful. It used to bug me that she folded the towels wrong or the dishtowels wrong or her underwear wrong and I would re-fold them when I put them away. Now more alas, I just leave them the way she folds them. Unless you go through this, you don't understand how sad and tiring is. I keep trying to remind myself that I will miss this some day, even though I'm so stressed. Prayers to everyone.

Reader83, If she's able to maintain her focus on a task, independently, for more than a few moments, that's great. My LO was never able to do that. She couldn't focus on any one thing longer than a couple of minutes. Her mind would drift and she would stop the project and not really want to pick it back up until much later. As a result, having someone who was trained and who could suggest different things over the course of a day was helpful. So, in Memory Care, they would color for a bit, then watch a video, then stretch, then listen to music, etc.

Thank you all for your answers. I'm going to try the towel folding, but I don't think I'll be able to do it every day because she still seems "with it" enough to know that she is doing the same thing every day. But perhaps not. She listens to audiobooks. She loved Gone with the Wind. I do believe she will probably listen to that several times a year. It's really long, so it takes a long time. It's the one book that she seemed to be able to remember what she was listening to. She read it many years ago, so that's probably the reason. I will also have her polish silver. She was always a stickler about that. Thanks again!

We got a hand Swiffer duster and mom loved to dust with me 😁. I also had her bed pony beads in pipe cleaners...not sure if your mom could do that. Folding wash cloths and hand towels. You can just mess them up and she can fold again the next day lol. That was a tough stage with my mom. She wanted to do things, but was losing control/use of her hands.

Because of her low vision, she will be eligible for helpful items from her state's Commissioner of the Blind. Such items can be large magnifying glasses, lighted white canes, kind of device where you put a piece of paper under the machine, it enlarges it and you can write with it, plus photo ID.

I know how you must feel. Having to spend extra time trying to make your mom feel less of a burden can be frustrating, but it sounds like you have a good attitude. I have a very blind 86 year old mother, who has convinced herself that there is nothing she can do. Because she can't see, she can't bath, wash her hair, change her clothes, do laundry, brush her teeth, put clothes away, etc... I don't know if dementia is what she has, but her short term memory is for the most part gone. Her hearing is also going. The things she is most motivated to do is eat cookies and candy. She manages to remember where the pantry is to get cookies, candy and chips. She loves coffee in the mornings. She can remember where coffee maker is and pull the lever and push the button. I have her kcup in it and her cup position under the spout. She Drinks Pepsi the rest of the day. She'll go to refrigerator and find that with ice from freezer. She'll even find a cup in cabinet. She uses restroom on her own with an ocassional accident, but requires help finding her way sometimes. She won't use a cane. She says it gets in her way. Like a wall doesn't? She picks and chooses what's really important to her and she'll make an effort to do that. But If I try and engage her in trying to do household tasks with my assistance, she becomes offended and angry. She calls me mean hearted. Tells me she can't see and what do I expect her to do. Tells me she took care of me when I was a baby and I owe her. My point to all this is...at least your mom is trying. She realizes she's a burden and she loves you enough to try and not be a burden. I'd give anything if my mom had the same attitude. Good luck but again it sounds like you know what your doing. Bless your mom for her spirit.

It may be best to let them try a variety of safe things and see where they are in their abilities. I had an elderly friend with macular degeneration who slowly started developing dementia that was barely noticeable. He actually ended up doing the grocery shopping and even putting them away. Sometimes he called me over to put the groceries away after returning home from the store and just putting them all on the island counter. Whenever he needed help with something, I helped wherever I could, even putting away the groceries whenever he asked. We generally ate together so he would generally buy extra groceries and he would sometimes even do small things in a skillet on the stove! Yes, despite low vision, and he was able to cook up some sausage in a small skillet, I sat right across the room and watched hoping he wouldn't burn himself. Much to my surprise, it was a success and I was relieved when he was done and safely got away from the hot stove unharmed. If you can just imagine that, you can just about bet what I must of been feeling and even thinking during that time because I was worried about him getting burnt on that hot stove. All I could do was sit back and watch, hoping he would get safely through this. Normally his morning in home health aide cooked for him and so did his afternoon aid. When my elderly friend was well before he deteriorated too much, he was actually a pleasure to be around despite all the problems he had. You just had to ride it out the best way you know how and find a working strategy that works for you. Much to my surprise though, as long as he had help coming in, he seemed to do very well and I even got to know one of the aides who was his favorite. Of course there were sometimes I just have to step away and give him space and of course there was personal time to myself. Much of the time he wanted me there to sit with him so he wasn't alone since he had very low vision. As it slowly worsened, he was keeping lights on more and more until the point every light in the house had to stay on 24 seven. Some lights blared right in your eyes and I found it helpful to always wear a ball cap since I didn't want to be next to go blind. Bright direct light caused me to be nearsighted starting during childhood, and I wanted to preserve my site so I didn't go completely blind. I'm now at the point where if there something blaring right in my eyes, it impairs my sight and I just can't see unless the light is blocked or turned off depending on the settings at the time. I just don't know how he was able to cope with all of those lights on all the time but at some point he finally said "it's getting darker." We were talking one day about him leaving all the lights on and that's exactly what he said about the macular degeneration and how it's getting darker. He must've had something interfering inside the eyeball and he explained how it was dark around the middle of the eye and he could see around where it was dark. This must've been really hard for him as the macular degeneration developed. Sadly, there was no cure and definitely no type of surgery that could be done to prolong the time he had to be able to see. I only wish this could've been cured, he probably would've still been able to drive had it not been for mild dementia

Same boat. Mom is 96, blind, wheelchair. Her repertoire is limited but she can: fold hand towels, dish towels and wash clothes (which I keep in a perpetual "to do basket"); pull grapes off the stems for me (which is awesome when making chicken salad); give "neck rubs" (no pressure in fingers but very nice anyway with me sitting on a stool in front of her wheelchair)

I know how you are feeling. They just make your job harder and you are so tired you don't need things to be harder.

Is her vision in her one eye good enough that she could dust tables, windex glass top tables, clean the bathroom mirrors, the glass shower door? Folding anything is good. Clean the vegetable drawer in the refrigerator? Mind you they will not be as clean you would get them. But if you can accept that and express your appreciation that will be okay. It will be in better shape than it was before she began. The next day after she has forgotten her work you can take a few moments to take care of what she missed. It makes your workload easier and let's her contribute.

My Mom also used to like to fold the laundry. She could do it sitting down and it was a repetitive action. She loved to help me decorate for the holidays, showing me where to put things on the windows and helping me to unpack the items from storage containers. She had cats that came to live with us and she enjoyed taking care of them. Also, she was responsible (with my help) to make her bed every morning, and to take her clothing and towels to the washroom. We would often start the washer and dryer, and later she would fold her clothes. She did a pretty good job, and at some point that has to be enough. She had a routine every morning such as washing, dressing, brushing teeth, picking up her clothing, making her bed, and taking her clothing to the laundry room. Then she would feed her cats, and sit down for breakfast. The afternoon was spent on activities and then in the evening we would plan a meal and she would sit up at the kitchen island and help with setting plates and folding a napkin for each of us. We would chat while I cooked. She felt involved and thrived in that environment. I never knew how important that was until she passed. In her effort to help she felt loved rather than a burden. She felt like she was part of our household rather than just a boarder. She felt like she was doing her part. Don't get me wrong...it took time, and sometimes it would have been easier to do it myself, but I noticed that in my hurry I totally disabled her. After that I learned to slow down a bit and just let it be. To see the smile of accomplishment on her face was worth it.

I watched an Alzheimer's video that showed the DH folding towels.

It would have to be something easy and not 'dangerous' - dusting might work as long as there are no breakables. She'd probably keep dusting the same table but so what - it's all about being needed I think.

Remember it is an elderly person's way of being a part of your household and not feeling like they are a burden. Who care's if what she does is perfect or if it takes time. She will feel like she is helping and being a part of your family rather than just boarding with you. Take the time. Nothing in life is as important as the time you are spending now.

What about washing vegetables and fruits when you bring them home from grocery shopping? She could wash them in a sink full of cool water and polish and dry them before placing them in a bowl or a basin to go in the fridge. Mostly a tactile activity so not too much eyesight required, and the cool water will feel nice during the hot summer months.

I almost know your pain. The only difference is that my mother has great eyesight and has trouble walking. My mom doesn't always want to help out, but when she does, it gives me a lot more work to do in setting everything up so she can do a project. And my mom has moderate dementia, too. She especially likes to fold towels and washcloths, but she does a terrible job at it, not remembering how. It took me a long time to get over the feeling that I'm cleaning the house by myself at a good pace, and it'll be faster if I do it all, without all the hassle. But mom got depressed. Before the dementia, she was the keeper of the house. And frankly -- back then, she was ten times a better housekeeper than I'll ever be. She still wants to feel useful, like there's still a purpose for her existence. It makes her happy. So I changed my mindset: What does it matter if it takes more time for mom to get a chore done? So what if I have to fill the laundry basket with only towels, set up a card table for her in the living room, and bring the basket to her? After she's done, I take the basket back to the bathroom, re-fold them, and put them away, which would have taken me five or ten minutes to do by myself. I thank her for helping me out, because in her mind, she's done the task perfectly. Sometimes I have to remind her of what she's set out to do. She gets distracted easily. She also likes to help with recipes. I have to show her step by step how to measure ingredients and how to use a mixer, every time. In my mind, I'm frustrated and impatient, but I keep it in check. It won't help to remind her that she'd do a greater job if she could only see what you want her to do. She's in moderate dementia. She'll understand that she's being a burden to you, and she'll feel really bad about herself for not being able to do everything just the way you like it. I can't change my mom. She's still has days when she realizes that there's something wrong with her, and for even a fleeting moment, she's scared, before her memory impairment takes that moment away. I had to change, so I wouldn't keep flying off the handle all the time. I recommend that you watch some YouTube videos made by a dementia specialist named Teepa Snow. There are a lot of them. She's funny and her she shows you the world through the eyes of the dementia patient. Mom also likes to count coins so we can roll them. She doesn't know it, but I go back through them later, to check her miscounts. But once again, it makes her happy. I encourage her and we talk about how great it will be, once we cash them in. We can use it for "fun money." She helped me make a floral arrangement, by showing me where to put the flowers. I asked her what color would be best in a certain spot. She loved it. I could go on and on, but you know what I mean.

Give her a basket of towels to fold.
Once she has done them tell her that you will put them away and if sh is up to it you have some socks to pair. Tell her that they are all the same color so they are all the same.
When she has done them you can start the process over.
Take the same towels, the same socks and have her fold them every day.
You could give her "silverware" to "polish" ..a few pieces of silverware and a cloth would keep her busy.

If you don't have enough towels or socks at home a resale shop would be an inexpensive place to get some.

How about cutting coupons? Even if you never use them it is a "project"
Do you have a lot of plastic storage bowls? You could remove all the lids and then ask if she could put the lids on so you can put them away.
When the dishes are done could you give her the silverware and a plastic silverware tray and ask if she could place the spoons, forks knives (table knives not sharp ones) in the holder and then you can put it back in the drawer. She can do that sitting at the table while you do the rest of the dishes.
She could be given the "job" of wiping the table after meals.

Thank you for wanting to make her feel needed and useful. And bless her for still wanting to help out.

Hi reader - are there pets in the home? 'Watching over' a pet can count. If not, are there indoor plants? Consider a handful that she can help take care of, and some outside plants too. Checking for water, removing brown leaves, repotting when necessary (or not) is so good for young and old alike.

Unfortunately, we have no senior day programs in our area.

Is she able to go to a senior day program? That might provide her with all day or half day activities that would tire her out and maybe folding clothes will be enough for her then. I realize her limited vision could be an issue.

Also, it depends on her level of progression, but, sometimes there are activity boards that the person may find amusing. There are websites where you can find them. Some are geared for those with dementia, visually impaired, etc. It provides something to do with your hands and keeps the mind busy too. Of course, with the short term memory declining, you often have to support them in using the devices, reminding them, encouraging them to use them, but, that's just something that can't be avoided. I don't know of any activities that the person with dementia would be able to do on their own initiative and accomplish without direction and supervision.