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I gotta tell you, others on here are often , pro leave. I'm always the type , to say we can not judge what's going on in one text and one persons side, and we should not judge a marriage by that.
So what I say now is not anything I've ever said before,
RUN!!
Your husband sounds like a jerk, honestly he should be worshiping the ground you walk on, for doing what you're doing.
If your husband is no help , and can't see how tired you are, this is the type of person he is, and will always be.
wow
Apparently you've been married about 5 years so if you have kids they must be very young (unless this is a 2nd marriage situation). Because you have kids I would not leave until you attempted to get him into couples counseling together. Even if he refuses to go, you should go to a therapist to help you navigate this situation and to find and defend boundaries. Your spouse gets 1 chance from you to get his priorities straight. After that I would talk to a divorce attorney (don't tell him this) in order to figure out the financial piece and legal protections for yourself. Then leave. It will be easier for you to do a trial separation w/kids than to extricate your MIL. You are not abandoning your MIL (unless she then chooses to leave voluntarily).
No one can be assumed into caregiving, especially in a brand new marriage. This is immoral and unethical. There are other solutions for MIL which neither she nor your "ex" will like, but that's too bad. Do not return to your home and marriage unless all your conditions are met (she moves out, he goes to counseling with you, whatever). This sounds extreme but you are well on your way to burnout so you literally have nothing to lose in deploying DefCon 1 in this situation.
I wish you clarity, strength, courage, wisdom and peace in your heart as you create a healthy future for you and your kids.
Somewhere there's a nice house or apartment waiting for you, and when you're living there, peace and calm will return to your life. GO!
For all that is good & sacred, get the f*** out of this. And get that divorce atty to show you how to do this and make it as optimum for you and your kids as possible.
When I was in a similar situation (kids, rotten husband, unsalvageable marriage) I made a lot of mistakes extricating myself and wasted a lot of time and money fixing those mistakes afterward. It felt liberating at the time to make the dramatic exit but it definitely wasn’t the best for myself or my kids.
Please make a plan, on paper, with firm deadlines. Keep it on the hush-hush. A concrete plan will help you calm down, think strategically and survive the next month or two until you can leave. First step: divorce lawyer. ASAP.
Re-read your post frequently and stay strong in your resolve. You WILL be happy again.
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