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I'm a little puzzled to read that you and your sister 'have no rights.' What rights do you think you ought to have? I'm sorry, again, that this feeling of separation has been created between you and your mother, but to play devil's advocate: you are not being prevented from seeing your mother, or communicating with her freely (more to the point, your mother is not being prevented from seeing you - she's actually the one whose rights are important, here, because she can't exercise them independently). You are being prevented from taking her out. This is for the - I would say - sound reason that the NH has lost confidence that you can do so safely.
Please don't misunderstand: I'm not unsympathetic, and I'm not the sort of person who thinks that people should necessarily make enormous sacrifices to care for their elders. But looked at from your brother's point of view - you helped as much as you were able, in view of the distance and your mother's preference for him to the extent that she perhaps unintentionally ignored you. But, so, helping as much as you could: well, that wasn't that much, was it? So your brother was actually doing most of the work? For very good reasons, but still - it was he who was doing it, for what? - 95% of the time. That's why, I expect, he also feels he should be in charge. I can't see honestly where he's wrong.
I repeat that I am sorry you feel hurt by his attitude. Does it perhaps come from some feeling of bitterness or resentment towards you and your sister? Were you close before now? It does seem a pity if it can't be put right. But the important person is your mother; so I hope that you and your sister won't cut yourselves off from her completely.
I understand that usually, somewhere in the middle is the truth...and many times the one saying that everyone else is wrong is usually the person with the problem....I have one of those we have just dropped as a client.
Thanks for the input though. In many cases, you are right on!
....consult with a QUALIFIED attorney who not only will give you a good document, but counsel you and explain what you are getting and also explain options. Too many times you talk to someone who is just out to make a sale (yes attorney's too). They don't give advice, just take orders....and since most people don't understand what they are getting or asking for, end up with surprises down the road. After being an Estate Advisor for over 25 years, we have seen most everything and actually help attorney's draft better documents.
Here's the gotcha: according to the DPOA docs, if and when she becomes mentally incompetent (which slippery slope she has been sliding down for at least a decade now), the case must be adjudicated by "a court of competent jurisdiction." In other words, it will be up to a judge to either accept her physician's statement of mental incompetence (which I now have in my possession) or decide that only a court appointed physician and psychiatrist can make that decision, to the tune of many thousands of dollars. Thanks, Mom...
The key is the terms of the appointing documents.
Hopefully a lawyer has drawn up the documents. The details matter. Violate the terms and you, IMCO, are liable and can be subject to legal actions {being sued etc.} Attorney in fact documents are often abused.
Why do you say that? How do you know that?
This is the reason I ask. You describe - very well, I can picture the scene clearly - how your brother tried to prevent you from entering the room where your father was having PT. But here's the thing. Why is a man who doesn't care at all about his father physically present in the rehab facility? What was your brother doing there?
Your parents gave your brother POA through their own choice. This is not something that your brother could have forced or persuaded them into. Your parents may have made a *bad* choice, one that isn't working out well; but still, it was their own free choice. They must have had a reason.
To answer your question, about whether a person with Healthcare POA has a right to withhold information: he may not only have a right to do that, depending on circumstances he may even have a duty to do it. It is a question of what is in your father's best interests, and whether your father is able to make his own decisions, and what your father's expressed wishes are.
Now, you seem very sure that what your father really wants is to revoke the POA he gave your brother, and give it to you instead. So what's stopping him? Your brother? If your father has the legal capacity to act on his own wishes, your brother can't stop him, and in the rehab facility there are plenty of people around for your father to seek help from.
Which leads to one more question: what took your father to rehab? What happened?
Sheri
I had a durable POA and a health care directive for my 90+ father but I could not just do what I liked and ignore his desires. First it is immoral and second, my father had the right to revoke both of these directives with the help of a lawyer.
Some adult children get drunk with their so-called power over a parent they
had issues with during their upbringing. However, the adult child is not " in charge" if the parent choses to halt their involvement in their heath care or financial decisions.
Good luck, get some good legal advice and step up to make sure your father's wishes are enforced. If he is unable to come home with help, he will have to face that fact and decide what other arrangement he would want. It is the elder's life, not your brother's decision.