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All of her precious things she can't live without will NOT be moving with her, obviously. So pack up all the bare essentials and pull the band-aid off as quickly as possible now. DO NOT second guess yourself, either. Mom is not going to 'die' by moving into a hotel-like ALF, I guarantee it! Most seniors don't have 2 nickels to rub together, never mind the funds to finance a fancy lifestyle in an upscale building! She's fortunate, just like MY parents were, so everyone needs to count their blessings here, and that is the truth of the matter. Your mother was fortunate to have lived with you for as long as she did, and now it's time to move on to a new and exciting adventure. Amen.
Best of luck!
I am convinced the reason mom never wanted to 'think' about moving had to do with the volume of stuff in her house. It was quite easy for me to toss stuff. For her--not so much.
My dad, bless his heart, realized pretty late in the game that he and my mom were leaving me with an enormous task of clearing house their house someday, so he started trying to do some of it himself. He wasn't crying or suffering horribly, but he wanted to find just the right person for every single thing. He wanted someone to cherish those items as they had, and it simply wasn't possible.
They had more than 50 years' worth of stuff in that house, so I finally told him to enjoy his things and I'd deal with it all "later" (code word for "when you and Mom are gone and won't care"). Just me telling him that I was OK with clearing out the house took a huge weight off his shoulders and saved him from having to make so many decisions.
Maybe try taking that approach with your mom. Just tell her you'll deal with everything "later," and drop the subject. I know you want it all out of your house, but if it's been in there for 20 years, you know you have the space for it, at least temporarily, and you can sit on it for a couple of months and then start the Great Purge. She'll likely have asked for everything she's going to ask for in those first couple of months, and then you'll be free to get rid of the rest.
After holding an estate sale at my parents' house last May, I had a hauling company come in and take the rest. They have a big warehouse where they kept the good stuff for their own sales (fine with me), so their price to haul wasn't really that bad -- $1600 for an entire house, garage and yard full of stuff. It took them almost three days to empty that house, so you can imagine how much there was in there. There was absolutely no way my dad could have made even a slight dent in it.
We all hate the thought of using subterfuge, even when we truly want only to help, but if our intentions are right and loving, doing so can work out for the best.
My mother was married in 1942 and kept every bill receipt and cancelled check from then until my father died in 1982. I mean EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY ONE.
Your mother is making a positive choice about going into an AL, and her decision will benefit all of you. You may find a renewed joy with visiting heron her own turf, while she enjoys a new type of independence.
Hoping this is a satisfying and pleasant decision for ALL!
Mom was not a nick nack person so she didn't have any. I would not take anything worth any money. Nick Nacks get broken. Jewelry gets stolen. I would keep to the basics for now. I changed out Moms clothes according to season. Took the ones she wasn't using home and stored them in under the bed boxes and totes. The paperwork should stay at your house. Put the clothes that no longer fit aside. You can get rid of them when she is in AL. The paperwork, go thru it when she leaves. And if she has been living with you, why can u not store her stuff? She will not need a lot of clothes. My Mom wore slacks and tops everyday.
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