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Contact their PCP and have them both assessed for "level of care needs"; the PCP will tell you whether you need to bring them in for a new face to face. Tell the PCP that you are facing " safety " issues with them at home as well as the other issues you enumerate; ask the PCP to assign you to a "Case Manager" who is usually either a Licensed Social Worker or sometimes an RN whose job is to help patients and families find appropriate care whether in home or in facilities. They should know the " systems" well and how to navigate you through this difficult time.
Or you can call 911 and have your mother and/ or father transported to the hospital, where you can then have this conversation with the staff there; you can insist that one or the other not be brought back home due to " safety" issues.
And/or speak with an " Elder Care" attorney who can best navigate you through the financial and accountability issues involved with caring for the aging.
Or, you could call a local hospice of your choice and speak with the " clinical supervisor"; share your parents health status; hospice may be helpful in helping you communicate with the PCP also, if in fact you choose to have one or both parents assessed for hospice care appropriateness.
The safety issues that you describe with your mother's incapacities and your fathers Alzheimers certainly sound like you are in a precarious situation and, both possibly need facility placement/ skilled care and or memory care for their safety and well being as well as your sanity.
Start with the PCP ( primary care physician).....
Practice self care ...... you are important too !!
It sounds like your parents need placement or far more in-home care than what they have now. You may need to apply for Medicare to get them on a waiting list while you spend down their assets to Medicare levels. If they actually have too much regular income to qualify for Medicaid, the ir facility expenses may have to be out of pocket.
1 - Assisted living facility and additional home health aides for your mom.
2 - Skilled nursing facility that can phase dad and mom to memory care when the time comes.
America has failed, and continues to fail, elders - who rarely can advocate for themselves. It makes me mad. You shouldn't feel you are caught between a rock and a hard place. What would happen if YOU weren't there - contemplate that. :-\
As for your options:
1. Continue to care for your parents yourself, with whatever assistance your parents can afford or find through a complex of agencies.
2. Find an elder law attorney who can work the system (legally), to get your parents Medicaid eligible and then explore getting them into the P.A.C.E. program so they can stay home. See https://www.naela.org/findlawyer
3. Move them overseas to an affordable LTC facility (e.g. https://baanlalisa.com/en/). I am preparing myself for this eventuality, though in your situation I imagine it would be only a last resort.
Wishing you the best. You are on a rough journey.
If so contact their local Veterans Assistance Commission or your State's Department of Veterans Affair's.
OK, I see in a response that your dad is a Veteran. There are many programs that are intended to help keep Veterans in their home.
And depending on where and when dad served some of his medical conditions could be liked to his service. If so he will be entitled to more help.
Your or their local Senior Center may have a Social Worker that might help find other resources.
Will try Dept of Aging again. Past experiences, they said over income or would put them on a waiting list.
After talking with a friend today, I will also follow her suggestion to deeply explore VA sources to assist with facility placement, home healthcare and services as Adult Day Care, Memory Care and many other needs. My dad is a Vet.