By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I have seen two people go through this. The first friend has a wife and two young sons, was vacationing in Tahoe, she awakened and said she was going for a before breakfast walk on the shore and didn't return. She had fallen from a cliff into the water, and what was saved was someone in a vegetative (for want of a better term and so all know what I mean) state for MANY years and until her death. He had two young sons to raise, and honestly no wife, and money disappearing like wildfire. The second, a woman friend whose hubby ended up much like yours from motorcycle accident. It was a few years before each realized that their spouses were simply not there. They separated, divorced actually, so that there were separated finances, and money to raise the sons in the first case, and because she was young, newly married in the second, and her husband was living, though gone. For me, this would not be sustainable. You will be judged harshly. There will be many who will say it was "for better for worse". For me that is not the case. I would hope my husband would leave and make a life. It is something we have talked about, but we are together many years, and have had time to discuss many things. I think this is a decision only you can make. I think that whatever decision you DO make will leave you a world of pain to live through, but I think that only one decision will give you a life to live after the pain. As I said, I don't know his current state nor his prognosis. I am assuming that your separation would be something he doesn't even know of. So incredibly sorry for what you are going through. I have seen people go through it and it is devastating. My friend in the first instance divorced, eventually met a wonderful woman, his boys are raised and one works with him. He travels the world and lives a full life and takes nothing for granted. For our fragile selves, this can happen in an instant.
Explore all your options, including if he has parents who can take over a guardianship or conservators, and care for their son.
Since your panic attacks are also disabling you, here is a married couple requiring more care than can be realistically provided by each other. Get him that care, maybe in a LTC facility specializing in TBI.
Once you are living separately and each of you has the care you need, whether you divorce or not is your choice. Get wise counsel first.
Hope that is somewhere you can start with a plan.
However, more important at the moment, is to realize that if you have an emotional breakdown you will be unable to care for you husband, at least for awhile...There will be no warning or time to get ready...Someone will pick up the problems and handle them without any effort on your part as you would be incapacitated. I urge you to get some way to have some time off, if not for a number of weeks at a time, at least two or three days a week....You may want to consider talking to your clergy man/woman, counselor, etc. It may cost a lot, but do it anyway.
Once your mind and body has at least some relief on a predictable basis, you can deal with the ethical and moral issues, but if you crack up emotionally, it is going to be messier...
In my case I cared for my paralyzed wife, who was unable to speak, could not stand or walk and had to be spoon fed for two years at home, then I had a heart attack, then for ten more years she as at a nursing home and I visited her twice daily and also hired paid ladies to help her with her evening meal and visit. We spent well over a half million dollars on her nursing home care. I was away from town only about 20 nights in all those 12 years....I consider it the most important accomplishment of my life....I do not say you should feel likewise, but my heart attack made it impossible for me to care for her at home any longer...
May God bless you as you labor through these difficult times...
Grace + Peace,
Bob
PS The missus died in 2017 and in April 2019 I married a remarkable widow and we are living the "happily ever after" lifestyle together.
Yes, for better or worse but your worse came before the marriage got off its feet.
I think its time to talk to a lawyer. There are options out there. Your worse, it seems, will never get better. No light as the end of the tunnel. You really deserve more at your age. You need to find out what your options are. Even if divorced, will u have some financial responsibility? Does he have family that can step up? No, there will be people who won't like what you do but your physical and mental state are involved plus you ability to hold down a good job. Really, u have never had a marriage.
By the way, this is coming from a 69 yr old who has been married for 38 yrs. Good luck and please come back and tell us how it works out.
Speaking only for myself, I would never want to put another person in the position of being tied to me and suffering because of that. It would hurt me greatly.
I'm 75 but with a mental age of 50 and active and want to live the rest of what I have left the way I want too and happy.
Dont be afraid of what others think they dont live in your shoes ...Go be happy and true be know your spouse would want you too...MY ADVICE GO BE HAPPY!!