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BUT...there is hope. You and hubby sit down and have an honest discussion on how you're feeling(how can you have a good marriage if you can't be honest with each other on how you're feeling?), and then include your mother in the discussion. Tell her that this situation is no longer working for you and your family and that she's going to have to figure out where she goes from here, as she can no longer live in your house ever again.
And while I'm sorry that your mother has cancer again, that is NO excuse for you to have to continue letting her live with you.
She can move into an assisted living facility if she truly needs some daily help, or she can find an apartment on her own and hire the help she may need along the way.
You took your marriage vows with your husband, not your mother. You owe her NOTHING!!!
But you do owe your marriage and husband everything.
So get your priorities in order and get your mother out of your house sooner than later.
Time to put your big girl panties on girlfriend and do what's best for you, your husband and your marriage.
She is a narssasist and wants everything her way. When you don't raise your children the way she wants you to she pouts and makes your life harder
You're husband put up with it this long, he sounds more like a saint. No wonder he is frustrated. This is especially hard on your children. They didn't ask for this!
The cancer thing does put a twist on things, but may make it easier to get your mom placed if she can't take care of herself.
Personally I'd sell the house and move my husband and children far away from all this disfuction.
No one is stuck , there is always a way out.
Best of luck