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I am sorry for your loss, and such a sudden one.
I have a dear friend whose husband battled kidney cancer for years. He was so determined to not let the cancer get him. In the end, he died from septic shock...literally fine one morning, died the next morning. Of course, he was quite compromised health-wise from the cancer and all the treatments, but that's how fast he went. For my friend, it was sort of a victory. The cancer didn't get him.
I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling--seems no one passes the way we'd 'choose' for them. But your mom went quickly and that really is what they would want. Time will help heal, and trying to find a scapegoat to blame isn't healthy.
Remember the good things about life with mom. Cherish those and don't dwell on the stressful things.
Uhm... My bedridden father lives at his home. I live with him as his main caregiver even though I still have a full-time job. When my dad had pneumonia about 2 years ago, he refused to go to the doctor. He only agreed when he couldn't breath (at the ER, his lung was almost filled with fluid.) .... This year, I saw the same signs of pneumonia (hacking cough, phlegm changing color to thick greenish.) Again, repeatedly he refused to go to the doctor.
Deb, it was a regular Wednesday morning. I changed his pamper, gave him breakfast, and I got ready for work. As I was leaving the house, I waved goodbye to him and said, "Later!" He was sitting upright on his bed. No heavy coughing or anything. He was normal. I came home from work around 6:30pm. He was sleeping. I decided to let him sleep. When it was time to change his pamper, he wouldn't wake up. He was burning up with high fever. About 2 hours later, with me battling with his up and then down raging fever, he started struggling to breathe. I finally called 911. ER aggressively tried to stop the shut down of his organs. Everything was shutting down by day 2. I learned he was sepsis and also bleeding inside somewhere, etc... It was like a domino effect.
I sometimes sit here, still shocked on how suddenly he went from 'normal' in the morning to his organs shutting down by midnight. My dad did not have a fever when I had changed his pamper in the morning. He was normal. His coloring was normal. He spoke to me normally. He was normal. It just was so sudden - sepsis....
I'm so sorry, Deb. {{{HUGS}}}
Veronica offers excellent insight into the situation, especially with sepsis, which acts quickly, especially in the elderly.
You ask: "My question is how long was she sick, she had fever, uti, kidney stones and no one knew!!! " Were you getting updates from the aids when you visited? At what period of time did you learn of these complications?
As to kidney stones, I believe (and correct me if I'm wrong) that those can be determined through different testing methods. Were any of these diagnoses in the discharge papers when she came from a hospital, or had she been at this facility for some time?
Sepsis acts quickly in older people. MRSA and VRE do as well. When my father was in a long term hospital, I visited him in the afternoon one day. He was cheerful, improving and doing well. By the time I got home about 45 minutes later, a nurse had left a message on voice mail indicating that his BP had plunged, he'd been seguing into unresponsiveness and was rushed to the ER. It all happened so quickly.
Unfortunately Septic Shock is usually fatal especially in the elderly and in someone as compromised as your Mom. Only about 5% of people survive it even in the best of circumstances. It also comes on very suddenly as in your mother's case. She obviously had some form of underlying infection which was not recognized and would not be suspected as she was behaving normally. She could not speak so could not tell anyone if she was hurting somewhere. Staff did not know there was something wrong until they noticed she was having difficulty breathing when they called for an ambulance. Did they fail to notice something and not take action? I was not there so can not guess the answer. they'd however take actin as soon as they realized something was wrong.
It is easy to blame the staff but from your experience CNAs are the workers who do the most care of the residents and their formal training is minimal. With many years of experience they can learn a lot if they are so inclined. In the nHs in my area there is often not an RN on duty just on call and there maybe one LPN in the facility for 50+ patients and her time is taken up with medications and other treatments. Since your family worked as CNAs there has been a lot of corner cutting to make profit as you know and the staff are kept so busy they can not do a proper job. there is also a huge turnover of staff. One survey said staff turnover was up to 100% i some facilities. Given that, there is no time to get to know the patients and recognise what is their normal. Also it is not the routine to check patients vital signs every day unless there is a problem.
Lots of things came together and as a result you lost your dear Mom. Try and concentrate on remembering the good times and grieve her death rather than looking for a scapegoat.