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Easier said than done but drop it It isn't worth the stress leave them to their own devices seems they think its working for them, Be happy knowing you have a good heart , clear conscience and get closer to the Lord he is with you.
When the two evil ones were still talking to me, they'd yell at me for spending too much of Mom's (ooppss, THEIR) money on her care. You know in movies where someone says to an evildoer who is getting away with it, "May the Lord have mercy on your soul." Gee is that corny or what? I don't know how many times I say that in my head at the behavior of those two....and their wlling "toadies." One sister gets her daughter and her grandson to do her dirty work for her. May the Lord have...oh heck with it. Lord, don't even bother.
I 'm the sole caregiver day to day and also my sister and brother also do their visit once a month for a couple hours and then they leave and I'm here with her alone to continue while they go back to their lives, and in the end my mom doesn't have much but a little bit of life insurance will probably only cover funeral costs maybe alittle leftover and I've wondered whats gonna happen if they'll demand their share. Mythinkiing is you deserve the bigger half and if you have the courage to stand up to them and say so go for it because from experience you do deserve more.
I am sure you cared for her from your heart and she has recognised this, therefore, your siblings should also acknowledge the fact that it is your Mom's decision and that caring is a long standing issue, not a one-off thing, or "I will come visit, when I can find the time" thing.
Anyway Mother knows best and if she things you deserve it, than you do - end of discussion.
I have let my sister off the hook for a lot. 1: she's nine hours away. 2: she has a full time job, and can't take time off. 3: she just lost her 21 year old daughter in a tragic accident. 5: she encountered a lot of abuse and neglect from mom growing up, and can't deal well with mom's present drama. 6: she still calls her often, sometimes every day, and listens to mom's complaints. 6: she supports me when I do deal with mom. 7: I'm the big sister, and still in protective mode, not just for my sister, but for my mom, as well. 8: Someone has to do it, and I can and will, voluntarily. My sister doesn't "owe" me or mom anything. 9: my sister cared for our grandmother, as sole caregiver for over a year in grandma and grandpa's home, then dismantled it when they could no longer live there.
For me, I only have one sister, and we have struggled with "issues" all our lives. We have survived, and in some respects, thrived. (Meaning, we didn't repeat some of the behaviors we grew up with.) Since I love my sister, and want to continue a relationship with her, I give her a lot of grace, and tons of space. I don't demand anything from her, but if asked, I know she would chip in. As for inheritance, it's just the two of us. I don't mind sharing with my sis. Neither of us places much value on material things, so I don't see us fighting over them. (Hopefully.) Mom have already given some things to her, and we both received things from our grandparent's estate.
Guess the important thing to remember is: things aren't as important as people. It's always good to exercise grace and forgiveness. Those are the important things. Love covers a multitude of sins. Cherish good moments, and try not to keep score. Work together when possible. If not, walk away in peace. Anger costs too much in the long run.
They did visit once or twice a year for a couple hours.
I have POA and gave them what Mom ask me to give them-nothing !
As far as I'm concerned, thats what they gave her when she needed.
Fair? If your sister wants fairness, she needs to share the caregiving duties or pay someone to do half of what you do. You and your mom obviously have a good relationship. You need to understand this will likely damage your relationship with your sister, maybe for life. But if this is what your mom wants, and if she is mentally able to give consent, then do it legally, and do it soon. You can deal with your sibling issues later. It would be helpful if your mom can see to it your sister is left something of value. Good luck. There's nothing like money issues to divide a family.
Carol