By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Was it more a chance to get low rent? Because it doesn't seem to be in the best interest of Grandma.
But, If Grandma is having health issues, have you taken her to the doctor? Is she in need of a caregiver? Have you set up anything that is for HER benefit since you moved into HER home?
Curious why it is not in her best interest?
She has vision problems and I do take her to her eye doctors. We buy her some of her groceries when we can, have dinner with her (cooked or takeout), do things around the house to help take care of it. We help her with issues she may have on the computer and stuff.
She doesn’t need a caretaker exactly but needs help. If we didnt provide dinners not sure she would eat, she forgets to often and has lost a significant amount of weight (I’m sure that’s stress and grief too)
Ive been trying to spend more time one on one with her, ask her to do things together. She always seems to be busy doing something and never has time for me and that hurts.
But you’re right, I need to do more things for her benefit ! Didn’t think of that- will try.
What do you think is the practical thing to do?
Move OUT before your toddler tells MY story one day, God forbid.
I suggest moving OUT.
When we start a family of our own, they come first. You need to begin adulting by getting a place of your own. What about Grandma? Well, you aren't in any position to become a caregiver to someone who is going to need the level of care that she will. You need to make up your mind that she or someone else will have to take care of her. Then leave.
Spend your money on your own place. I hope you find one that can be a real home for you, him, and daughter.
This is her home. She has a right to make her own decisions. If there was no understanding before you moved in, as to how things would go, what shared living expenses would be, and etc. then that was a mistake.
You say you now understand, after living here for some time, that there is some dementia involved.
I would caution you to move out again. I cannot know what your arrangements are/were, but this is the time to get out of there, frankly, before you become responsible in some way without any power to act for yourself.
Simply give your grandmother the date on which you will be leaving.
If, after leaving, you are concerned for her well-being, then I would report her to APS as a senior at risk.
This isn't your responsibility at present. I would caution you against assuming any said responsibility unless you are well qualified to assume it.
Good luck .
There was no agreement in place prior to us moving in.
The only things that were mentioned
- she agreed we could “treat this like our home and make changes- put up a picture, get a new sofa, etc)” She said that to me almost verbatim.
-we could have the living room for ourselves and redo it.
Now, she has been resisting us doing anything to the living room- we have to talk about it and have her approve. Finally we’ve made progress and have been able to put new carpet in and get furniture but she doesn’t see it as an improvement to her house.
I lived there before with both her and my grandfather for several years (teens to late twenties) (31-34) and both times were not like this. We would talk over things together and agree. She would make changes to improve things and ask my opinion.
I love her very much and the reason I am here is to make sure she is okay and nothing happens to her.
Wondering if anything can be done now to improve the situation. I really don’t want to have to move out unless it’s a last resort.
This is Grandmother's house, yes?
So to me, it's kind of a power imbalance. With Gramdma as owner & you, your partner & child as either guests, tennants or lodgers.
What does Grandma want, now that she is a widow?
If she does want to house-share - how?
Honest & frank discussioons are needed on what you both need. Then see if this is compatible.
Maybe sharing with separate spaces may work... IF the home is big enough to divide, eg a sitting room each, but then utility rooms like the kitchen, laundry will need to be shared. This may still cause safety concerns.
If Grandma cannot understand your need to toddler-proof the home, I don't think there is an alternative but to set up your own separate living arrangements.
Maybe as local as you can if you want to continue a close arrangement, visiting Grandma often?
You had good intentions moving in but I don't think you new what you were getting into.
Grandma will eventually suck all your energy out, and that's not good for your daughter or your relationship
I would suggest move out, help GMA out but not living there. It's not going to get easier, this road only gets harder .
Yes she should understand why you can't have the candy out, but she doesn't want to , she wants her life to be normal. The normal went out when gpa died. And she is trying to do everything she can to hold onto what once was, and keep her independence.
This will only be a struggle for all of you
You are too old to be living with your grandmother.
Thirties you should be on your own with your family building your future, not living with her in her life.
This is not a healthy situation, and where are her children in all of this? Why are you feeling responsible for your grandmother?
Step back start making changes in your life get it back on track.
People suffering from Dementia do not do well with change. I would say your grandfather covered up for grandmom. He probably saw changes and compensated for them. His death may have contributed to more decline. She needs a good physical. If she has other children, you need to tell them what you have found out and then you cannot care for your child properly and grandmom too. They need to handle it.
My mother exhibited the same behavior right after my father died and she is only now slowly letting go of things and making changes one year after his passing.
I had an aunt who wanted her granddaughter and a family to move in and take care of her but once they did, it was awful! She would not even allow them to have a key to the house! Whenever they would get home from work or school, they had to wait outside for hours sometimes for her to get home from whatever errand she was running.
Suffice it to say they moved out after 6 mo.
At a minimum, you and your family need your own space and there needs to be childproofing in the rest of the house. Sit down and talk to her about it. Let her know that you and your family cannot stay unless your daughter will be safe there.