Follow
Share

She lays in bed all day..doesn't or won't use the bathroom and when she does she is handling and eating her feces. She walks around reciting the same expressions about " why are you treating me this way" why are you so mean ". My friend's health is ailing to the point where he physically can't give her the attention she needs. She apparently has a pension thru 50 years at Ford. How can I help him find the proper care facility to handle his ailing mom. This is all new to me but he needs help and I promised to try and get him enough information to make a positive decision.

Your friend can call his local County Area Agency of Aging . The number should be on his County website under Services for Aging/elderly or some category like that . A social worker can come to the home and do a needs assessment to determine the level of care and help him navigate the process. She would either need memory care or perhaps SNF ( skilled nursing facility ).
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to waytomisery
Report

First, your friend needs to talk to an elder law attorney asap if he is not his Mother's PoA or legal guardian. How will he access her funds to pay for her care if he isn't able to legally? This is an important piece of the puzzle that needs to be figured out.

An immediate strategy would be for him to call 911 and tell them she isn't herself and maybe has an untreated UTI (do not say dementia as this is not considered a medical emergency and they probably won't come.)

He goes to the ER with her and tells them she is an "unsafe discharge" and that she needs to go directly into a facility if (assuming she doesn't have a treatable UTI). He asks to talk to a hospital social worker to discuss the options. He does NOT tell them he is her caregiver. He does NOT take her back to the house, no matter what the hospital discharge staff promises.

If he doesn't go this route, he should search for "ALZ+anti-strip clothing" on amazon and special jumpsuits will come up that he can put on her so she can't access her briefs (and uses her money to pay for it or keeps the receipts for later reimbursement).

For immediate in-home help he can go to Care.com or search "caregiving agencies near me" and start that process (and uses her money to pay for it or keeps the receipts for later reimbursement

Your friend doesn's seem to be a very good problem solver. Help him but don't enable him.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

My FIL was a retired autoworker - some of their retiree insurance does cover long term nursing home care if you are in a facility that is "in-network" and the mom qualifies medically. Have your friend search through her paperwork and find a contact for "The Trust".
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to OncehatedDIL
Report

Since my DH was an auto worker I looked up if the Trust helps to pay for LTC. It doesn't.

"No, the United Auto Workers (UAW) Retiree Medical Benefits Trust does not cover long-term care (LTC), but it does provide medical benefits to retired auto workers and their dependents."

The Trust is for benefits. Once 65, your health insurance becomes a supplimental unless you choose a Medicare Advantage. No health insurance pays for LTC.

My husband had 31 years in when they closed the plant. With his pension and SS he goes over the income cap that some States set for Medicaid. Your friend may need an elder lawyer to help them set up a Qualifying income trust some states its called a Miller Trust.

Your friend needs to put his Mom in depends if not already doing it. He needs to go with Mom to the toilet. He needs to have her evaluated by her PCP and a Neurologist. Have him call Office of Aging to evaluate the situation and help him find resourses and explain Medicaid.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

I think first step should be a call to APS.
You will tell them that your friend is:
1. Caring for a mom with severe dementia who is at the stage where she's incontinent and ingesting her own feces.
2. Friend if entirely unable to handle the situation, absolutely helpless in knowing how to get help or what to do.
3. Friend has begged you to help him/herself get help.

Beg the APS to open a case and come to the home.
Here they can give and exam and give you pointers what way to go to begin to get mother into care.
What a good friend you are. Do know you may be ultimately helpless in this situation. You can lead a horse to water, as they say, but cannot force it to drink.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

I talked to my husband about the UAW paying for LTC. According to my husband he was given the opportunity of taking out a Long-term care insurance policy. He declined. So "oncehateddil" maybe correct that there was LTC insurance policy but FIL probably paid premiums every month.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
OncehatedDIL 13 hours ago
Yes, I am correct (as your husband has kindly supported:)

Calling the Trust for help is always a good suggestion when you are dealing with a retired autoworker. Until I called them on his behalf, I never understood why my FIL was so quick to call them with medical billing issues.

My FIL had the long term care policy, sometimes people don't really understand what benefits they do have. When you call the Trust for help it's like talking to high level executive who has cleared their desk to answer your question and offer help.

Too bad there isn't a way for you to erase what you wrote contradicting me.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
@JoAnn29, Autoworker's insurance has changed greatly over the years. There was a time when the long term nursing care coverage was a part of the retirement package. That was the case when FIL retired in 1989. I don't know how old the friend's mother is today or what the benefits were when she retired.

I am a big believer in doing thorough homework - I stand by my recommendation that they should call the Trust and find out exactly what benefits may be in play for the friend's mother.

We were never able to use the benefit for FIL - we would have had to move him back up north to where the "in network" facilities were located. FIL died before this was necessary. FIL was AMC/Chrysler.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to OncehatedDIL
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter