By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I suspect that all is not "fine". In hindsight, my mothers cognitive decline was first noticed by us all as increased anxiety, emotional neediness and not being able to be alone. We thought about alot of other causes, but we never dreamed that she had had a silent stroke that had affected her ability to reason.
Please come back and let us know if this is the way she has always been, or if this is a recent change in her me tal status.
Getting her seen by a geriatric specialist could be a good idea. Or perhaps a geriatric psychiatrist. She might be suffering from lifelong depression.
Are there any Independent Living facilities that are affordable for her? It sounds as though she would benefit from a living environment where there are more folks around
In the meantime, put a note on your door addressed to your mom telling her you are working and that you won't be available until XX o'clock. Let us know how it goes...
If she is in her 90's, I would rethink her driving. Have her take a written and driving test, or ride with her when she is driving and see for yourself if her driving and reaction skills are still ok and safe.
It sounds like you two need a break from eachother, and her volunteering or going to adult day care to volunteer or to participate, may be a start.
Perhaps, it is time for mom to put away her oven mits. Look into Meals on Wheels for her.
So, don't "talk" or correct her anymore. It only upsets her and makes her cry. Put your arms around her, tell her you love her, it's okay.
Honestly, you are going to miss those moments when she is gone. :(
At first, I was able to leave my home but as mom's Parkinson's disease progressed it became extremely difficult for her and myself. She ended up voicing her concern of fear to me. In her defense, she had legitimate reasons to be fearful and I understand that. I am not heartless and you don't strike me as a heartless person either but devoting so much time and effort to a parent starts to wear us down, right? Honestly. I burned out and I am no longer mom's caregiver.
Please look out for yourself too. You matter. Your mom's care is important but you have equal importance. Don't make the mistakes that I did. I never viewed myself as equal. I paid a price for that. So did my husband and daughters.
You have no reason to feel guilty! You are doing nothing wrong. No one can blame you for needing space, especially when you are working!
Others already mentioned losing her "rock" in your father. Also, she may be missing caring for someone. Was she a wife/mom most of her adult life? If so, she maybe can't function any other way. She has to look after you somehow because, like many elders, still sees you as her baby. Her being around constantly is maybe her way of looking after you-- and she can't imagine you don't need it!
I'm assuming you're divorced/single. In her mind, she may see that as you being alone in the world, and thus feels a need to be with you as company. I know my folks worried when I was single, saying they didn't want me to be 'all alone' after they were gone. And I'm not even an only child!
I understand totally about crying when you talk to her about things, but is there a way to tell her you can't replace your dad? You're united in missing him terribly, and maybe wording it as "No one could ever replace dad, not even me"? Maybe that will give her a bit of clarity.
As for working, maybe a heads up first: "Mom, I'll be working from 9:00 to noon today. We can eat lunch together and then I have to work again from 1:00 to 4:00. I'm not mad at you, just pretend like I'm at the office."