By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Many people have a bucket list of things they want to do before they past... but once caregiving is on the horizon, that bucket list gets thrown away. My parents have passed, I am still trying to climb out of the abyss. Forget travel, I don't want to be more than 10 miles from home... yes, as you said stage fright.
My Dad went into Independent Living/Assisted Living for a year after my Mom passed, and the place was so great I wished I could have moved in, too :) But it wasn't my time. There are some lovely places out there, many 55+ communities, too. Of course it depends on one's budget.
I have no siblings and no children, so I have to plan to pay someone to take care of me. Dad had some wonderful caregivers, and they were worth every penny. It was a sticker shock regarding such cost. So I will continue with my career and keep saving for all those "rainy days".
Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.[3]
Frank Sinatra
And now the end is near
So I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I've traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exception
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
Oh, and more, much more than this
I did it my way
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way
I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fails, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way
Oh, no, no not me
I did it my way
For what is a man, what has he got
If not himself, then he has not
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words he would reveal
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way
Don't you still have a bit of traveling to do, your way?
There's a famous WW1 cartoon by Bairnsfather of a grizzled old soldier with another, younger soldier, both of them stuck in a filthy, waist-deep, mud-filled shell hole in no-man's land. And the old soldier is saying crossly to his companion: "if thou knows of a better 'ole, go to it!"
The future can be frightening. Sometimes we're not given any very pleasant choices. I too have been feeling terribly tearful and anxious about how fragile and vulnerable people are - not anyone in particular, just everyone, and especially the ones who count on loved ones, who seem to take it for granted that they'll be there, when we know better, that one day they won't. I share with you the feeling that we're being prodded towards the front and thinking "hang on! Not ready for this! You've put me off! I've been busy! I need another go at it..!"
But we've got this life to lead, whatever one might think comes after - something, nothing, another turn, an *explanation* would be nice - but anyway we have this one to do. Best make the best we can of it, eh?
And fretting about what fate awaits us between now and the end... Stay fit. Stay well. Keep busy. Make yourself useful if you can. And if you do have the misfortune to develop dementia, well now... You probably will be scared stiff, but not about anything you really do need to be scared of. Not sure if that helps..?
And, as the late Peg Bracken put it in her section on "how to comfort yourself when you have behaved like a jackass" - and I know I'm always quoting her but I love her and she has been my heroine since I was twelve - "at the *very* least, you've served as a bad example."
I hear you. I think its only natural to ask these questions and have these feelings after watching our parents go through the third act as it were. Life is very hard.
I tried so hard to keep my dad going after his stroke. It was hard. But I also never expected my dad to die last year. I just never prepared myself for that day or moment. It was like a movie and I wanted to see my dad wake up and say its okay. It was frightening. To think how fast time has gone.
I really don't know at this point, what is going to happen to me if and when I reach my 70s, 80s or 90s. I hope for good health and to have good people around me, but I just don't know. Till that day arrives I hope I can find some joy and happiness to carry me.