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I've done posts on what my mom thinks is "true", you can go back on this site to read (She just moved into LTC this year from IL). IMHO what you do really depends on what you, dad or whomever decides works best for them and NOT for mom. For me, I try to change the subject and tell her if she brings it up again we're not talking about it. If she does it again, repeat and tell her that if she does it for the third time then I will have to leave. Then when it happens the 3rd time, I leave. If she is all fixated on something there is nothing I can do about it. So to keep my sanity & humor, I leave.
Your mom ain't gonna change or get better - medications like Exelon patch or Aricept can make them loose less ground in cognitive abilities or the anti-anxiety meds can make them less stressed out and mean about it but it's not going away.
If you can have her evaluated by a gerontologist rather than a GP or internist, that would be best as they can do a series of tests to see where she is on the cognitive skills line as they get repeated and then you can tell how fast she is loosing ground and in what areas. My mom has Lewy Body dementia which is more episodic than Alz - some medications are better for Alz that are not suited for Lewy Body or FrontoTemporal Dementia.
Sadly there may not be much that can be done for dementia in later stages. You really need to think about what you can do for your dad to help him cope and what is best for his overall health - which may mean having mom go into LTC and his going into independent living. There are tiered care places out there that go from IL to AL to LTC, so he could see her but she would be getting the care and security needed.He is probably terrified that what he see's her mental state becoming is going to happen to him too. Fear can take over decision making.
If she starts to believe that your dad is going to hurt her then she will act on it and can hurt your dad both physically and mentally and accuse him of things - it won't be pretty and you may find all sorts of legal problems to deal with if you just ignore her decline. None of this is easy but it's better to be proactive than to have to deal with an emergency over July 4th weekend when the underground family sets off fireworks.....and she calls the fire department. Good luck!
Get a complete review of her meds.....one by one.
Eliminate anything that is not necessary to her immediate health.
In my opinion, the only "drugs" necessary are Vitamin C, perhaps a multi-vitamin, and a drug to control hypertension, especially isolated systolic hypertenion.
At age 88-90, why is it necessry to implode an elderly person with "drugs"?
My suggestion is not to get all worked up about what they do. It is part of the aging as the brain starts to work less and less. Take a breath, say a prayer, and do your job as a loving son or daughter. You will be happy you were there for them while they are still around.
Since your father is 90 and is afraid of having strangers in their home, you may have to bit the bullet and get help for both of them. Most likely they will react with anger and fierce independence. We just had to move my mother into hospice and went kicking and screaming. But we children have to do what is best for the parent, regardless of whether or not they like it, or even when it affects us emotionally.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but someone has to make decisions when the person we love isn't capable of doing so.
Mom would be happy and go to sleep.
Everybody's Dementia is different and I wish you the best of luck. I had to move across the country to care for my mom and it was devastating for me.
I told my mom every day that I thought she was the bravest person I had ever met to go through what she was with this terrible disease.
lovbob
p.s. I didn't know that a UTI could cause hallucinations. I'll have to check this out with my colleagues.
p.s.s. Funny story: An elderly female patient when going to the potty, would "clean" the window ledge while waiting to finish urination. She then would wipe herself dry with the same tissue and flush it down and then leave the bathroom. No one could figure out how she developed a UTI. One day, her caregiver watched her, waiting to re-dress her. When it was discovered that her "window ledge cleaning" was part of the problem....she said that she was house cleaning while going to the bathroom. Talk about killing two birds.....
The Cipro took care of her problem, and she was watched from that day on.
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