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A few months ago a group of people (men & women) were busted in the Seattle / Tacoma area for elder scams for similar scenarios. Many were from other countries so communication was difficult.
They knew how to gain confidence of the seniors & move into their lives. Skilled at pawning gifts & draining bank accounts.
You might try to look at the archives of Seattle Times newspaper.
How sad to be in the same apt. complex.
Do not make yourself sick over this. Your father has a compulsive need to be self-destructive. Please do not go down with the sinking ship. And even if he does figure out that this girl is a walking scam and gets rid of her, do not jump in and become the unpaid help again. Set up someone to clean, do errands, etc. Bolster your self-esteem before dealing with him again. Take care.
Good luck..let us know...
He may have gone to AA...does he have an AA buddy? Those types don't put up with BS like this.
I take it no one is really expecting an inheritance out of this family.
On the other hand, if your dad marries this woman, you can quit being your dad's "mother" and the new woman can take over. It seems with three failed marriages and three failed live-ins, your dad is determined (stubbornly so) to lead a tumultuous life. He doesn't seem to appreciate how you have helped straighten up his life so maybe you will just have to say "so long, Dad, and good luck!" and just make the most of your own life. You could let the rest of the siblings know that, since they are in favour of this marriage and won't help you do anything about stopping it, they will have to the ones that pick up the pieces next time when your dad is in trouble again (which he probably will be).
I don't know which way you will want to go but I certainly understand your hurt and concern. I wish you strength and wisdom in deciding what to do. Please keep me posted. I am sure others will soon respond and offer more suggestions.
The original poster has also mother with cc debt. and other issues. Whew!
Run a background check on this gal. Does she have a real massage license, just for starters. If she does, report her to the licensing agent, the license could be revoked, thus she won't be able to open her parlor. Get the city business license people notified, that sort of thing.
Throw some monkey wrenches in to this thing. Perhaps she's done this before. (Is she Roma by any chance? That's the sort of scheme they are known for.).
You might also contact your father's bank and let them know about this woman's maneuvering. They may have ways to deal with this, and THEY can report suspicious activities to the authorities.
Sure you'll get other suggestions. You may want to have the county sue for conservatorship to protect his estate. Sounds like you suing for it would be too problematical.