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Best wishes to you and your father.
Does he go all the way into the bathroom? If you put a commode chair next to his bed, could he use that by himself instead?
Otherwise there may be a medication for this problem.
Getting up to pee at night is one of the primary causes of falls for the elderly. It's dark and they are disoriented and in a hurry.
I swear we tried every bladder spasm medication out there and none of them helped. His urologist also tried putting Botox in his bladder as that supposedly can help calm the bladder down, but that too didn't help.
For a while I would just use a plastic urinal overnight so he wouldn't have to get out of bed, though I still had to to hold the urinal for him as he only had use of one arm/hand.
Running on no sleep was one of the hardest parts of my caregiving journey, and it's really so very harmful for all involved.
Finally my husbands urologist recommended that he get a supra pubic(permanent)catheter, which was a Godsend for sure. I only had to empty his catheter bag twice a day and we both were finally able to sleep through the night.
It's hard this I know. Make sure that that your dad sleeps in Depends or some kind of diaper(but don't call them that in front of him)and has several waterproof pads under him, and if you can, try convincing him to stay in the bed and just pee in his Depends. Just know that that if he agrees to that that he will be soaked whenever he finally does get up, so be prepared to have to change and clean him thoroughly.
At one point with my husband I had to tell him that after midnight he couldn't get up until 3:00 a.m. and then again not until 6:00 a.m. so I could at least get a few hours sleep.(this of course was before he got the catheter) I would set my alarm for both times and both times he would be absolutely soaked, so I would have to change him and clean him up before I could go back to sleep. But having several waterproof pads under him meant that I just needed to get the wet one out and there was already a dry one under him.
I wish you the very best in getting things figured out and mostly I wish you rest.
Urinary Tract Infections will cause one to feel like they need to go to the bathroom quite frequency.
If it isn't an UTI, then the doctor can prescribe meds geared to help with that type of situation. One product is Flomax.
I'm don't see how Depends will help. He is waking on his own? He will continue to wake even in Depands. Then will still want to get up.
Personally I drink a small Gatorade Zero at bedtime, it has greatly reduced my need to urinate in the night.
I found this article helpful https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/urinary-incontinence/in-depth/bladder-control-problem/art-20046597#:~:text=Coffee%2C%20tea%20and%20carbonated%20drinks,Spicy%20foods.
Does he have the same LTC policy that your mother has? Have you hired an agency to provide help that is NOT you, so that there is paid help?
If he takes in fluids earlier in the day, or according to a different schedule it may help.
You don’t want to restrict fluids, just change the timing.
There are systems where one can attach a "holder" to the side of the bed to position and secure the urinal bottle. Then and a dripless hose goes from the bottle to a "cup" (where one pees into). That cup can be positioned near where it needs to be used at night. If you have plastic sheets or an incontinence pad under them at night and this set up with the "cup" positioned for easy use it can work. Velcro can help position and keep things where they need to be.
Also install -- Alexa can do this, Google nest too, other options -- voice activated lights so he can say "lights on" to turn on a light in his room, near the bed in order to see what he is doing. Have individually pkg hand wipes there by the bed (could be in a "bed pocket" on the side of the bed along with a small trash can (hanging type on the side of the bed).
But for the most part, these things have worked to insure that most nights she sleeps through the night.....
1. No napping during the day. I get her up around 11:30 am and have her stay up until around 5:00/5:30 pm. This is when she drinks water, she eats, we talk (somewhat), she gets physical therapy etc. Sitting up also helps keep her lungs clear.
2. She gets 2 AZO Cranberry gummies to help with bladder health. (She thinks they're candy.)
3. Before bedtime (around 5 pm) she gets one 25 mg CBD fruit gummy and one 3 mg melatonin gummy. (She thinks it's candy.)
4. I also make sure that she has regular bowel movements. If she skips a day, I give her Milk of Magnesia before bedtime and the next day she will have a BM. (I've found that being irregular will also interrupt her sleep.)
5. I have a sleep white noise machine by her bed that has ocean wave sounds. Very calming and she always loved the beach and the ocean.
She takes no pharmaceuticals and no MiraLax which can cause mental disruptions. The Milk of Magnesia works naturally.
(I tried Tramadol and it had the opposite effect. Some people just can't take the synthetic pharmaceuticals.)
Even though she wear Depends underwear, she still tries not to soil herself and is mostly continent.
I will print this out for my use / clients. Gena
If your father can stand by himself another idea is to get one of those standing urinals that he can pee into and the urine drains into a container as well and set it right next to his bed. A friend of mine uses this.
There are many gadgets out there that will help you. Amazon is a great place to look because people give their reviews with their situation and it is very helpful. Good luck!!
Gena / touch matters
I wonder if he could use a urinal by himself?
That would certainly help.
The caregivers noticed that liquid left her body the first 2 times of the consecutive wakeups, however, there was nothing after that. We tried limiting her liquids without success and we knew that she did not have a UTI.
The first thought was that it was dementia that was causing her to go multiple times a time (she may not have remembered that she went or confusion in the signals to her brain). However, what I think might have been an underlying cause is that her muscles were no longer strong enough to hold urine in her bladder, therefore a slight amount of liquid was triggering the urge to go.
She is well into her dementia now and in a MC unit. The caregivers tell her to empty her bladder and she has been put on a toilet schedule. However, that doesn't stop the leaks. She has very weak core muscle strength and she has learned to go to the bathroom while sleeping (which makes her even more of a fall risk). When she is awake during the day, she doesn't go to the toilet as often, because I believe, she is more cognizant of holding urine in the bladder.
So I don't know if your Dad will understand PT or not. You might want to look into exercises that strengthen that area of the bladder.
Just thoughts....
I would say, no liquid after 5pm or something close to that. Sips of water only.
As other(s) mentioned, check with medical provider for medication.
Your sleep is critically important. ... what I would suggest is having disposable underwear on him and let him go in the bed. Make sure that there are 'wall-to-wall' (entire bed) covered with disposal pad(s) - get the larger ones.
* While I do not know any details of your dad's condition, it is time for him to go into assisted living or facility where they can / would check on him throughout. the night?
* Clearly, it may be a huge stretch to go from incontinence during the night to moving him into a facility. I am concerned as you all need to sleep.
I am confident that others here with other / more experience will give yousome supportive suggestions.
Gena / Touch Matters
Dont give him anything to drink after 7
If he still gives you a hard time
Use the small bottle and pour a little water in it, like a sip full at a time