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I'm sorry that you were not told to expect the dementia to get worse. That is what progressive dementia does -- it gets worse. I would not call your description "mild", although it is probably milder than it will become.
Other than the general rule that progressive diseases progress, there is really a huge variation in how fast dementia moves, and what path it takes. It depends on both the type of dementia and the individual patient.
It may be that your mother will adjust, settle down, and enjoy years in AL. Or it may be that she will need greater care and supervision and a memory unit will be more suitable. Please do not think of that as a punishment or as a disaster. If your mother needs more than "assistance," be glad there is another alternative for her.
Has she seen a dementia specialist? There is no cure, but there may be some options for managing the symptoms that would improve her quality of life (and yours).
Now that you know that your mother has a serious debilitating and progressive disease, I suggest two paths to pursue: 1) seek expert medical help for your mother. (Many people disagree with this, saying it is hopeless so why waste energy on it. I have had very positive results doing this, so naturally I'm inclined to sugest it.) 2) Prepare yourself to deal with this. Join a local support group, if available. Read up on dementia. (If a doctor can pinpoint the likely type of dementia, that can be a help.) Contact your local Alzheimer's association. Even if that isn't the kind of dementia your mother has, they have a wealth of materials that will be applicable to your caregiving journey.
Best of luck to you as you begin this difficult journey.
So in looking back to my comment about mild demential, I think we've been fooling ourselves.
Fast forward to where we are now, she is about at the stage of Laurieq200's mom. We are so afraid that she will end up in the memory unit. She called me and didn't know where she was and totally forgot that I had been to see her the last two days. She said that she didn't know why we put her there?? I've been told that you just need to comfort her and not argue with her since you will never win an argument with someone who has dementia. So will the resistance ever end, I don't really know. I was told that it could take from 3 to 12 months for her to feel like it's her home. However, now they're not so sure.
With your mom Zimlady, that could happen. However, I was never told that her dementia would get so much worse. I guess we were fooling ourselves and she was much worse than we thought.
My mom has now been in AL for two months. She had early stage dementia and we couldn't leave her living alone. We hired help and she fired them. She didn't want anyone but me. We took her keys away in April and felt it made things even worse but she's 87 and really couldn't drive any longer. Anyway, her dementia has gotten worse not better. We are meeting with a psych consult next Friday since she's so angry and so depressed, she alienating people at the AL. She's never been a social person on the first place, but we were hoping that she would make a friend or two. We think that she needs an antidepressant. It won't help the dementia but maybe will help her moods. I totoally agree with everything you've said. When my mom calls me I get a pit in my stomach. She cries, screams threatens to kill herself. I've not changed the ring tone so that I know when it's her. I've also instructed the AL that I turn my phone off after 7 in the evening since that's one of her worst times, even though she has them all day. So my friends and family call me on my home phone instead of my cell. The AL knows that they can reach me on the home phone for emergencies. I know that it's important to separate the two behaviors, but it's really really hard. It hurts so much. I know it's not her when she's screaming at me. But it still hurts. How do you redirect her attention? My mom will start by saying that she doesn't belong there and she wants to come home. Tells me that we put her there against her will. She picked the place. My fear is that she will be put in our memory unit and then she will lose all of her freedom. She loves to walk around the place and sit on the porch. She won't be able to do this if she's in the memory unit. Can you give me some advise? thanks so much.
E. Clark
you all have done what you all could do . ur mom will have to get used to begin where she is now .
again ,,, sorry for ur loss .
Is there no one who could take her in temporarily until she could get used to the idea of new placement? Even if you were moving her into a regular apartment, it would be new and unfamiliar. Also, I would not dismiss her concerns about the facility she is in. Even the best ones do not provide the TLC she would receive from a family environment.
We are not judging your family's decision, but with the info. you provided, I hope you understand that it seems a little harsh that she was moved so quickly.
Your mother will get used to it eventually. Give her some time to acclimate to being thrown into the deep end so to speak. And after 6 months she still wants to change to a different place, and not just say she 'hates' it there but actually wants to go somewhere OTHER than the place she's in, I'd listen to her.
did you ask her why shes not happy with this one and why she wants to go other places ? work with her and let her have a choice of her own .
i do agree with xtanice , - not to visit for 3 to 5 days , let her calm down but plz do ask her why shes not happy there ?
my dad has dementia , he still has his mind and gives me good pointers , something bothers him i ll be sure to fix it .
she lost a husband last 4 weeks ago and bam she has to move , it is one big heartbreakin . if that was me i would be so crush !