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All this happened after she chewed me out at the restaurant for helping her. She said she could do it herself. People around were looking in sympathy, probably thinking poor daughter having to put up with that. It was pretty bad. It was the first time I can remember her showing her butt in public.
When we got home she wouldn't take her insulin or medications. She kept saying she just wanted to die. The eerie thing was that last time she said that, she had a look in her eye of enjoyment. She doesn't realize that she was just kicking herself in the rear in striking out at me.
mother was physically abusive and dad was mentally/verbally. I grew up unable to take care of myself or make a decision-everything was under their control. Zero privacy, neglect... Mom Highly critical and she was perfect and "holy"
BUT, when I approached her in my 20s she did apologize- so narcs dont' do that. Dad on the otherhand told me to "get over it". ....
What are the symptoms daughters end up with ?
I thought they were lack of decision making and being a parent to their parent, - I had to be the "clone" of both with no personality of my own- stay with them, keep them company and do their things. (just working things out here)
Person who only thinks about them self shouldn't be married as it kills the concept of family!
As kids growing in d family also less know the value of relationship. i advice everyone out there please marry someone because they are beautiful inside not on skin or with to fulfill ur fantasy!
if u still want to encourage then marry and not have kids only u take the torture and dont let ur kids suffer
If my child told me I had negatively impacted their life in the past, I sure would have tried to "make it up to them" or at least say I'd change the behavior that hurt them. Some parents can be pretty selfish. I'm glad I'm able to admit to my son when I'm wrong and also apologize when necessary. I was told by my parents that parents don't need to apologize to their children. I'm glad I'm not from their era. No wonder they divorced when I was 5, they both were narcs!
Have you decided if you will attend the memorial/wake/eulogy? I would not blame anyone on this forum for not attending.
HOPE
Then I had the thought of what if I passed and she was waiting for me on the other side. AUGHHHH! I guess I better repent and live right.
I'm just playing, but I think many people on this thread will know what I'm talking about.
I have to pray to forget the things that have done to me by my mother and sister. the dishonor and disrespect and using me while I considered my self giving love from my heart. Now I am bitter I try not to dwell on these things but when I see my sister walk in arogance and look down on me with distasteful judgement. I think the nerve and get angry. I never judged her in all her mess. I did my best to cover and give love telling my nephews she doing the best she can when she chose to live with a man who would not let them even visit. I mean I just tried to help and now you can look at me with hate and have your son's not speak or answer my calls. Its so sad. I'd like to see justice. But just like will my mother, my sister is a narcissist also. I dont even want any type of reconcilliation there has been so much betrayal and ugliness. I just need to find a place and way I can pack all these memories and stop looking at them.
get together to drink occasionally. I was told I did all kinds of things that I never did! This went into my 20's. I was seriously doubting my mental status. I went into therapy and discovered I'd been played all these years. I'm NOT going crazy! How awful to trust your parents and have that trust shattered. After that, I just told them that I knew what I have and haven't done, so they can stop trying to convince me otherwise. How betrayed I felt. I vowed I'd never put my kid through anything like that. I did my best. My narc mother never had any girlfriends but now I can understand why. Competition! She always told me that I was too fat or that my hair looked horrible. I got B's in school but I should be doing better. Nothing ever nice.
Dad's been gone 5 years. Mom is 93, stage 6 Alzheimer's and doesn't remember a thing. Maybe better that way. She still prefers hubby's attention over mine and will tell me that she doesn't like me. I believe her.
Live your life the way you want those left behind to talk about you and what they'll put on your tombstone.
heart - hope you are doing good things for you. I can't imagine living with a narcissist. It must be awful. ((((((hugs))))) to you too.
I don't know why the favored child ends up not being the one to take care of the parent and spending time with them. They're supposedly so close.
My mother lives in a retirement community, she's not at the AL point. She hasn't been evaluated for dementia, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was there.
In retrospect, I now understand why it was not a good idea to introduce friends to friends, or to include family with friends if conimg from a dysfunctional family.
Oh, I see. Maybe not for everyone. Maybe not all the time. Thinking on this.
You can probably tell that I live with a bluebirds and butterflies mother. Strange thing is that she sits in pajamas all day watching TV. Her space around her is such a wreck that I gave up cleaning it. I read in a book somewhere that it is good to confront parents with bad feelings from wrongs of the past. When they are older I don't think there is any point to that. Maybe a letter that can be written and destroyed would be good. I've never done that, because it really isn't my personality to journal and write letters to be destroyed.
I just realized that it helps me most writing like this to people going through the same thing. Kind of like each of us helping each other work through bad feelings, instead of writing a letter that is to be destroyed.