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Cyndi, if your mother doesn't need you to take care of her, I would keep contact casual -- like most grown daughters are with their mother. There doesn't seem to be much need to enmesh your lives, judging from what you wrote. Does she have any physical ailments or need for care?
"A narcissist doesn't want your love, they don't know what love is. They want your admiration and your obedience as a player in their fake make-believe world."
I think children who are raised and treated with love and respect from their parents are far wealthier than those raised in luxury by distant parents.
On Friday, I confronted my mother who has many narcissistic traits (and no matter what, any number of traits can negatively affect their child) about why I wasn't going to go with her to pay a bill. Told her that I knew she was just using it to corner me later for avoiding her for two weeks. Told her she's a narcissist. I had to start yelling at her because she's always yelled if I ever said no, tried to voice a different opinion, or acted "too selfish," and I wasn't going to let her this time. And she did start yelling. I told her everything I felt around her, her projection, her competing with everyone's feelings and invalidating them. As she was yelling at me and my stepdad, I could easily see through her. I didn't care about what happened to her in the past, I wasn't letting her use it to make us feel guilty for feeling angry, hurt, fed up towards her. Her sense of entitlement is warped. She talked to my stepdad later and she tried blaming everything I was feeling on him, me or anything else because she didn't like being the one a fault. She even tried pulling up a commercial website that listed narcissistic traits and ended up only pointing at a few, thinking that would validate her feelings. She denied my statement of doing a bunch of research on this, and I kept saying, "There are different types of narcissism, not just a generalized version." She has a lot of traits of Covert Narcissism. So, she continued to dismiss my feelings and my stepdad's, that we have no reason to feel the way we do. We've gotten to the point where discussing this with her is pointless, and he and I are moving out in a couple of months and I'm applying for jobs in the area. I realized I had been searching for emotional nurturing/validation whilst relying on her and her expectations. Once I realized that, I told myself, "I don't need to look for that from her anymore." As a kid, how did I know any of this? I wasn't consciously aware. Kids are selfish, and she formed me to feel incredibly guilty if there was ever the chance of inconveniencing somebody. On Friday, I was so tired, physically and emotionally. I was tired of being too anxious to sleep. I was tired of being scared and angry. We started to feel like we owed her too much for very little. We started to feel like her employees (when I read this in your previous entries, I thought, yep she act likes that too). Never a compromise.
It is hard to keep your wits about you when you live with a narcissist. That is because they have zero empathy with you. If they ever show caring, then watch out. They want something. RUN!
DDDuck, I wondered that since your sister is there, do you really need to be there? I would be tempted to look for a new place to rent and consider the rent the cost of keeping your sanity. There is a lot of anger and other craziness that comes in when dealing with narcissists.
A few hours ago, I ordered a pizza (thinking this would make a nice gesture for the weekend)... I walked down to get it... Carried it home...
After my mother happily ate 2 big pieces... She said "I'll go put it away"...
When I came in the house she started in saying "I like MY other pizza better... Do YOU 'REALLY!' like (what toppings I put on my 1/2) THAT on a pizza....?.... And went on and on... I said "why don't you go to someone else's house and eat".... I told her I can't take here criticism all the time... Her response "I'm not criticizing"...
sure... This typical response ruins my night... I told her this is why I can't sleep at night... (She could care less)...
Awwww... Aren't the holidays great?... (Of course... No siblings around... Of course)... This is why we loose our sanity amongst so many other things...
It is an awful feeling, since she is the total opposite of me. It makes me feel sick when she does it. She does it a lot. It is like she is trying so hard to engulf me. Yuck. I'm sorry she lost her spouse, but I am not her new one. She wants me to adopt her life -- something totally distasteful to me, since it is a life of bad mental health and isolation. Why would I want that?
I'm so bad, but I really feel suffocated when my mother does it. It is like having my separate existence denied.