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Staff knows but does not seem like its a priority/ unwilling to medicate more
not fair to my mom who is bedridden and forced to endure ongoing disturbing cries for help seems to me a basic right to not be subjected to that but I dont see it written in patient rights

Yes, they should put the resident with another resident that does the same.

They did this at the facility, with the resident who would say "help me" cry, then bang on the table to get the aides attention. She was with another resident who was "out of it", (same resident who threw water on the nurse when her husband was discharged before her).
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https://story.californiasunday.com/covid-life-care-center-kirkland-washington/

As seen, they stick loud aggressive dementia patients with quieter ones who take the brunt of the former’s attacks and antisocial behavior.

Were I you, I would encourage mom to socialize throughout the facility to find a mutually compatible rooomate.
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Chalyse Nov 4, 2024
Amazing, informative, and heart-wrenching article looking back at nursing home ownership, the covid outbreak, and the impacts both have had on so many lives. Thanks for posting it, Peggy Sue.
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Request, persistently, a change of rooms for your mother. She’s a consumer and deserves to live in peace. You cannot control the medication level of another resident, but you can expect your mother to have a roommate she’s compatible with, who allows her to get appropriate rest
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Geaton777 Nov 3, 2024
I would video it as it is happening and replay it back to the admins, loudly. Keep requesting a room change. Remind them they wouldn't want their loved ones to endure something like this day in and day out.
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No one wants to be near the ‘help help help’ resident, it’s a common problem without a solution. One just over the corridor from my MIL for about three years, I think she stopped hearing it after a while. In the same room would be more difficult. Two ‘help’ people together would be good, but the sound travels. Perhaps drugs for the caller, ear plugs for the ‘listener’? At least it stops when they are asleep, it doesn’t go on all night.
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cover9339 Nov 6, 2024
At the facility, the late resident was roomed with a resident who was blind and bedbound. She made no fuss about help help lady, though she did "fuss" with herself, and sometimes hit at the aides that tried to feed and/or dressed her.
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I would ask to speak with an ombudsman.
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Your Mom is a resident and this is now consideredher home. Ask for Mom to be put in another room. No one should have to listen to someone screaming all the time. This will cause anxiety.

I so hope those building new facilities make the rooms for one person. A closet, a dresser, side table and hospital bed. It would so make things easier all around.
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cover9339 Nov 4, 2024
Oh JoAnn29, lol

Seriously, it is and will always be about the money, The only surefire way OP's mom would be moved is if she could "strike back" at the other resident. Since mom is bedridden, then this makes it easier for the facility to keep her where she is. (what is mom going to do? get out of bed and hit her?)

Whoever approved the room assignments probably knows this.

Another true story in the facility, there was a resident who moved several times to different rooms Why? She was a real firecracker, and would argue, almost to the point of hitting her roommate. To keep the peace she was able to move, which would last all of a few days, then the issue would start again. Had to give it to her, she took no mess.

End result she was discharged after an accusation of hitting a nurse. The facility put her up in a motel for a week until she could plan her next steps. I hope she is doing okay. She is a real "fighter"
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All you can really do is ask for your mom to be moved to a different room unless a private room is available.
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No-one ‘liked’ my post saying “No one wants to be near the ‘help help help’ resident, it’s a common problem without a solution”. My feelings on this changed when my multi-millionaire sister was admitted to a major public hospital following an obscure reaction to a flu+covid vaccine combination (it turned out to be something close to Guillain Barre syndrome, took them a month to come to that conclusion). S was stuck with a ‘help help helper’ on the ward, and said that People Like That ‘shouldn’t be in a ‘normal’ hospital’ (ie with important people like her). Though I am very fond of my sister, I was disgusted.

So far as I know, there IS no solution to this, even private rooms unless they are sound proof. Blasting Admin with a recording might be a quick way to get a suggestion that you might be more comfortable in a different facility. If the ‘help helper’ is your own relative, you probably feel differently.
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Geaton777 Nov 4, 2024
My 100-yr old Aunt *was* that person continuously saying "help help help". She was saying/yelling it while waiting in the car with her sister while I was in the bank. The cops came in looking for me believing she really did need help help help. It was a phase that evenutally ended but she seemed distressed and I think meds maybe would have helped her. I would not want to subject anyone to that all day and all night because in her own home it drove us all nuts.

My MIL was in a rehab facility where a patient was also doing it. Wasn't in her room, but was clearly heard by all in the very tiny facility. No one sleeps well while trying to recover from their injuries/illnesses. When my MIL was in a LTC facility with a roommate who was disruptive, we asked that either she be moved or the roommate. It happened more than once over the years and she was always accommodated.
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So my dad is back in AL now and doing well but he had a bad episode shortly after he had to leave his home three years ago that landed him in rehab, a nursing home, for a month. And he was absolutely the "help help me" guy. I want you to know that it was something that was constantly on my radar screen, (mainly because he was calling me fifty times a day as well) and I had numerous conversations with staff, and I was totally embarrassed and upset by his behavior. We tried medication, I brought in some items (an iPad, for example) that might help him calm down, treats, clothes because he was complaining about his clothes, we tried a million things and it just didn't seem to work. I felt terrible for his roommate, and apologized every time I was there. The reason I tell you this is that there may be things going on behind the scenes you don't, and can't, know about. But I feel for you — because I definitely knew my Dad was an absolute nightmare for his roommate.
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MargaretMcKen Nov 5, 2024
Thank you for your post, which showed just how hard this is to deal with. Some of the earlier responses came across as though the facility should either wave a magic wand or else turn the 'help help' person out onto the street. Currently there IS no solution to this difficult problem, just like there is no solution for dementia.
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* You need to discuss with the nursing home.

* Find out what their policy is and their legal obligations.

And, as others have said, this behavior is very common in individuals with dementia so you might need to transfer her to another facility and pay for a private room.

It is a very unfortunate and difficult situation for many.

Gena / Touch Matters
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DH Aunt was a sweetie. She never complained about roommates, but I guess they did her or maybe her sisters complained for her. First roommate complained that Aunt TV made it hard to enjoy hers. The TVs were placed on the dressers on the wall at the foot of their beds. The curtains between the beds when around the bed not straight across the room so this meant they saw each others TV. Next roommate had no TV so wanted Aunt to keep hers off. I told Aunt she had a right to watch her TV. We bought her headphones and got a long cord to the TV so the roommate could not hear the TV. Maintenance man even took the cord up threw the ceiling and down to TV. Her last roommate was very hard of hearing as was Aunt. The roommate would just sit and crotchet lapgans all day.
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Talk with administration. There should definitely be an expectation of quiet in your mom's room. If they can't control the noise with meds, they need to move your mom to another room that offers a little more peacefulness.
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elisny Nov 8, 2024
Absolutely agree. It is the law. Like many things in facilities, they try to keep residents and their families in the dark because they are mostly concerned about profits.

Everyone needs to educate themselves, because facilities violate the laws right and left and up and down.

How many people on this forum believe there are legal limited visiting hours in a nursing home? For the most part, they would be incorrect.

42 CFR § 483.10(f)(4)
(ii) The facility must provide immediate access to a resident by immediate family and other relatives of the resident, subject to the resident's right to deny or withdraw consent at any time;
(iii) The facility must provide immediate access to a resident by others who are visiting with the consent of the resident, subject to reasonable clinical and safety restrictions and the resident's right to deny or withdraw consent at any time;
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Talk to the administration about her getting a new room mate. Your mom should be able to get her rest, but she also may need to share a room based on her insurance.
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cover9339 Nov 6, 2024
Funny you mention this, lady that was eventually discharged from the facility, would get into a loud argument with her roommate about the temp of the room, and/or the tv being on too loud. She would make her feelings known and was not apologetic about it.
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Read the contract closely to see if anything remotely related is mentioned. There was a similar situation with another resident in my father's NH. A new admission was put into a room with a long term resident and began keeping her awake. The daughter found a related clause in the contract and took it to the Administrator and the offender was promptly moved. It never hurts to firmly request and/or politely demand and the answer might even be yes.

I am beginning to be concerned if my husband needs a facility, he may be a help, help offender. Fortunately, it is not constant but he often looks at me and answers he doesn't know when I ask what he needs. If I suggest maybe he needs to go to the bathroom or walk around he often says yes. If he says yes to the bathroom he either really needs to go or he just went in his brief and needs a change. Staff members in a facility often don't have time to get to know the residents to find simple solutions to improve annoying situations.
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CaringWifeAZ Nov 8, 2024
KPWCSC, I am in the same situation with my husband!
Often, I have to just know him well enough to guess what his discontent is.
One thing I have found is that when he is super agitated for long periods of time, it usually means that he is ready to have a bowel movement. But, with no control over it, it is very stressful for him! So, he is uncomfortable and yells a lot! Then, once he has finally had a bowel movement and has been cleaned up, then he is so comfortable and worn out, he will be quietly subdued for the remainder of the day.
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Wow. That is something I worry about. Except my husband is the "yeller".
I hesitate to have him admitted to a nursing home for so many reasons, but one thing I would ask the staff is to put him in a room on his own or with someone who can't hear. I can't imagine subjecting another resident to that kind of harrassment!
I can't stand it when I'm home with him - I have to go outside.
Stick to your guns and keep insisting your mom be moved to another room!
Or have her moved to another facility!
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cover9339 Nov 8, 2024
This is up to whoever assigned the residents to the rooms. They may try to have 2 people who are similar, but it may not work out that way.

True personal. in the facility, my roommate is a smoker, I'm not. We were pared together, one reason mentioned was that he would be out of the room, often, (which he was) to smoke.
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Words speak louder if they are written down. Feel free to voice your concern but will go unanswered if delivered verbally.
Written communication is legal documentation.
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Maybe you should find your mom a private room. The other resident is not to blame.
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cover9339 Nov 8, 2024
Only if the OP would pay the difference (if using insurance) or the full cost, which depending on facility could be over $200 a day.
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I was told on my mom's second day that her roommate also had a right to hear her TV whenever she wanted to watch it even if that were at 3AM. I brought my mom home the next day and she never went back.
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cover9339 Nov 8, 2024
Good for you!!
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Yes.

42 CFR § 483.10 - Resident rights.
(i) Safe environment. The resident has a right to a safe, clean, comfortable and homelike environment, including but not limited to receiving treatment and supports for daily living safely. The facility must provide—
(7) For the maintenance of comfortable sound levels.

https://www.law.cornell.edu/cfr/text/42/483.10
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AlvaDeer Nov 8, 2024
elisney,
Thank you for this from federal regulations. It is invaluable to have, I think.
Wonder if you could do me a favor, as I just used this from you to answer another op about a podiatrist that did her mom an injury in care.
Could you post this in Discussions under "Federal Policy Rules and Regulations regarding Resident Rights in LTC." If you put that link there we can always access it. I am not hooked to a printer and hard for me to store stuff, but I would love easy access to this.
Thanks again for posting this.
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Tryinghard1: Speak with the administration.
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Sleep is very important for healing and yet it's so hard for older patients to get due to other patients but also due to the non-stop activities of medical personnel and being woken up late at night or early morning hours for meds, vitals etc.
Getting good quality sleep can be so conducive to the well being in older people. Snfs, AL, hospitals etc. Could keep a lot of health issues at bay just by giving attention to this matter. Patients can't help keeping others up, but the institutions can find solutions that benefit everyone. Sleep is a major healing agent and older people should not be denied uninterrupted sleep for any reason.
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I t should be a priority and yes she has the right to live in and peace and quiet. They can either medicate the screamer or move her out.
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I had to have several meetings with the head of Social Services before they would contact the family of the individual would be contacted & make a request for their family member to be moved.

I was told that i had to make a "formal complaint". I said do you have a form or do I need to have my attorney write one up.
Boom!
The family was contacted the same day.
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Good for you. I din't see why the other family had to be involved, just move Mom.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Yes, your Mom has a right. However, that does not mean that she has a right to stay in the same room. I'm assuming you have already talked to Head Nurse or the administration.

Staff can only medicate a person according to doctor's orders.

Best to ask if you can move Mom to another room and another facility if no rooms are available.

If you are unable to come to an agreement with the Nursing Home, see if a state Ombudsman can help you.

https://ltcombudsman.org/
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My roommate did this. One day, I told him, "everytime I hear the words 'help me,' I'm calling 911."

He ended up paying me to move out.
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My roommate did this. One day, I told him that I would call 911 everytime I hear the words "help me."

He paid me to move out. :)
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Please read OPs update. The natter has been handled.
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Llamalover47 Nov 12, 2024
JoAnn: Thanks for letting us know.
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Hi I posted this, and dont know why someone said the matter is resolved. Its not.
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AlvaDeer Nov 15, 2024
Thanks for updating. Tryinghard, you must be so devastatingly frustrated!

So the roommate is still there and still screaming?
Nothing is resolved?
And they won't move the roommate?
1. Did you speak with ombudsman?
2. Did you read elisny's reply below about federal right of a residence in care?
3. Did you present the administration with a copy of these rights?
4. Have you looked for other facilities that might accept your loved one?
5. Does this poor roomie have family? Are they not concerned that she is in such dire straits and without any evaluation for some medications that may relieve her from this torment?

Can you tell us what actions you have taken so far that were not so far of any benefit whatsoever?

This is unusual. Generally a resident such as this out of control roomie is sent to acute care for evaluation and for medication trials to see what works to bring the resident some peace. Your mom is suffering; but so is this poor woman.
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Sorry, I read Nana's post as yours. So, the facilitity will not move Mom or the roommate?
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