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My family and I were at the beach sitting on a bench just enjoying the ocean and the beautiful day relaxing. A mentally challenge woman was next to my mother and she started punching her on her arm with quick motions.


My mother was disgusted and she did say "there should be a place for someone like that". Well my brother put his head down and just started saying "what a nut, what a nut. My niece and I just could not stop laughing, the more we laughed the more agitated my mother and brother got. I thought I would pee my pants it was so darn funny. My mother is very prim and proper but that day look out! I wheeled her back to hotel laughing and laughing. I am glad she was not bruised or hurt in any way, though.

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My mother did it again. I left the room for a few minutes and my brother was watching her. I thought she drank all her water and I was concerned about her intake, because she was recently started on Lasix a few weeks ago ,and we do not want her to get dehydrated. I was praising her for drinking all her water and she was smiling at me. My niece and I went to get her up to the commode and her blouse was soaked. We smelled the blouse but it smelled like water. I asked my mother if she poured the water on herself to make me think she drank all her water and she nodded yes with a guilty look. I told her I was not upset at her and she should tell me the truth when she is sick of water and I would get her something else. She was so cute, how could anyone get mad at her.
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My 86 year old mom is surprisingly technical and can manage the iPhone we got her pretty well.  She has more issues than Good Housekeeping but so far, no signs of dementia.  So the other day I get a text:

'No Phone'

I reply - do you mean you can't call out?

'No charge' was the reply

Well mom, plug it in, the charger is wrapped around the bed rail.  if you can't reach it call the nurse

'They moved me to a new room' she said

Ok, then buzz the nurse to have someone go to your old room and get your charger

'I have the charger' she says

So buzz the nurse to send someone to plug in the phone

'I can't, the call button is on the floor'!

I immediately started singing in my office "there's a hole in the bucket dear Liza, dear Liza, there's a hole in the bucket dear Liza a hole"!  I never did figure out the real problem but I think 90 day Fiance or Married at First Sight came on so she was distracted!
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The other day I asked my 99 year old gram with dementia how old she was she says back to me "I'm closer to 200 now". Usually when I ask her how old she is she says 80. I just thought that was so funny in a time when a lot of our exchange is not so great. One day at a time.
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Aunt Iris refused to do rehab. We sent her to the other end of the facility to stay. I came to see her from out of state every 2 to 3 weeks. It was hard to get her to understand why she should cooperate (or hard for me to understand what she was thinking.) Every visit ended with her agreeing to do what was needed so she could go home again. When I returned, she had not done nothing and delightfully tell me so. (Once is was, "There is no way is no way in (H-e-double toothpicks)that she was going. ") So this goes on for quite a while. One particular visit she looks at me and says, "I know what's wrong with me." I was so surprised all I could do was say, "You do?" and stare at her waiting to hear her response. She says, " I have a clear case of............. Jackass-itis!". (Holy crap, that was funny!)
I have referred to that remark whenever times got difficult. We all need a way to "lighten up" from the weight of care-giving responsibility!
Thank you Aging Care for getting me through!!
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Fair warning if you are offended by an off-color story...

I took my MIL to the salon to get her hair done. She was very happy with how it looked - enough so that she wanted to go to church the next day.

As my husband was pushing her wheelchair into the church, a member of the church held the door open for them. He commented to my MIL about how good her hair looked that day.

She beamed with pride and told him, "I went to the salon yesterday and got a blow job."

My husband said the look on the poor man's face was priceless. My MIL didn't realize what she said but my husband did explain, "Blow dry."
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JuliaRose avatar
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JuliaRose Jul 2019
That is so innocent and funny!

My husband says the same thing! We laugh about it because it started off as a joke/slight memory issue but now he can’t remember the name of the hair dryer anymore so it is the “blow job machine.” Thankfully, no caregiver other than myself is involved in this aspect of his care!
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I am writing this for Early Bird. I am her niece and help her care for my Grandmother. One day we were at the Patriots training camp and it was too hot that day for my grandmother to be out. I was with my Grandmother in the hotel lobby. My grandmother had a bottled water that my Aunt gave her. I looked over and the water was gone. So I said to my grandmother "good job drinking your water." I then noticed her pants were soaked. I took her into the ladies room, took her pants off to dry them, but they didn't have a hand dryer, so I asked them for a hair dryer. I'm in the bathroom drying her pants with the hair dryer while she is sitting on the pot. I completely dried her pants and put them back on her. We then went back out and sat in the lobby. I gave her another bottle of water. I looked over at my Grandmother and couldn't believe what I had seen. My Grandmother (who knew what she was doing) poured the whole thing of water down her pants to make it look like she drank her water and then urinated. I didn't get mad, I said "no no no Gram. What are you doing? You're all wet." A nearby waitress saw what my Grandmother had done the same time I had seen what was happening. She was kind and ran over to us with a bunch of napkins and another bottle of water.
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My 72 yo mother thinks that the young (younger than she is) meals on wheels guy wants to make whoopee with her. All because this guy gave her a hug because of my dad being sick and in the hospital. (he also mentioned that he would come over every day to give her a hug when he dropped off her meal). Some may not think that this is funny but I do.
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In early stages of my mom's Alzheimer's there was a flood in our area. Her basement got flooded. I assured her I had someone coming to restore the basement, but she would forget. One day she went down and saw the wet carpet and walls and called the city to turn off her water, thinking there was a leak somewhere. They questioned her repeatedly, but finally turned off her water. Then she went to get a drink of water and there was no water, so she called the police. That got straighened out, but the next day she called a plumber in a city 2 hours away from us. He came to only find out the problem was the flood, not plumbing. I had to lock her out of the basement because after that she went door to door at the neighbors' asking each of them if they knew a good plumber.

That was only the beginning of her efforts to fix things.
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My dad has told us for years that when he was a child his family was so poor that all he got for Christmas was a pair of overalls with a hole cut in the pocket, because that way he got something to wear and something to play with 🤭🤣😜
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ArtistDaughter Jul 2019
That's something my dad might have said, which would have gotten him a kick from my mom. Still, she would be smiling underneath her pretend anger.
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Several times when I would take dad to doctor's appointments the check in nurse would not be aware of dad's dementia and ask his age. He would always low ball it by about 20-30 years, seriously answering "I'm 60". Being he was actually 90 the nurse would laugh and answer (thinking dad was joking) "well you look good for 60 but (looking down at his patient information) it says here you are closer to 90". Dad laughs (thinking the nurse was now joking) would answer something like "90! Well I can't imagine ever being that old". Me (sits in corner rolling my eyes).
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not thinking, i asked my mother with dementia where she got the pretty necklace.
She had no idea. then she said the best thing about losing her mind was that every day was full of nice surprises.
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This was a few years ago. My Dad had to stop driving due to age related issues. My Mom had quit driving many years prior. My folks were in their 90's. One day Dad called me on the phone and said he had a great idea. This is how the conversation went:

Dad: I have a great idea where you don't need to drive us anymore.

Me thinking maybe they will call a taxi so I asked: What do you plan to do?

Dad: I will have your Mom drive.

Me: But Dad, Mom is legally blind [she had macular degeneration]

Dad: No problem, I will just tell her when to stop, when to go, when to turn.

Me: But Dad, Mom can't hear anymore.

[there was silence on the other end of the phone]

Dad: Oh
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pamzimmrrt Jul 2019
I swear this what my parents did too! Mom would complain about dads driving when he had ALZ.. yep, that worked!!
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Unable to move his bowels on command, my husband asked if the commode was available 24 hours a day! He cannot transfer on his own and known for keeping me up all hours of the night for one reason or another. It was already about 10 pm, and I reassured him that yes, the commode was always available. I should have said, yes, but the attendant might not be!
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I don’t have stories to tell. But I want to bookmark this thread. My mother didn’t “do” social media, but courtesy of my sister, she had a faithful Facebook following based on the things she’d said when she and my sister spent time (usually watching the Mets play on TV.) My sister would affectionately post them and mom was a hoot. I do remember when she and I were talking about the Pope saying that condoms might be okay. I figured she’d take the traditional RC Church hard line on contraceptives, but she angrily said, “NOW he says it! When I think of all the marriages that could have been saved if they didn’t have so many damn kids!” Hopefully she wasn’t referring to HER damn kids. ;)
Mom was a devout Catholic, but she always had her own perspective. She was a good woman.
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Oh, gosh, my poor MIL. I have hundreds of stories. Now she's 90 she isn't near as funny, but we love some of these gems.

One day she called me out of the blue and asked where she could get D-Con in 25 lb bags. I didn't know and didn't think it came in bags that big..so I asked "Why do you need so much?" She replied "I was outside and I saw a mouse, he looked at my back door like he wanted to come in. I can't bear that, I can't bear and animal to be in my house. I want to sprinkle D-Con around the perimeter of the house to scare him away". After I stopped gasping for air at this idea--I told her that D-Con actually attracts animals to it and she'd kill off the neighborhood cats along with squirrels, etc. She said "But he looks cold and I think he wants to come in. Won't the D-CON repel him?" No, Mom, it won't it's not Kryptonite. He's not Superman. Mice don't 'want' anything, really.

I could tell she DID NOT believe me so she went down the list and called everyone in the family with the same question.
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It's been a while since this happened but it still makes me laugh.

I was in line at the grocery store and the cashier was a young man with gauges (the rings in their ears that stretch out their earlobes). A very sweet looking, elderly woman joined the line behind me.

When she saw the young man's ears, she commented, "Good grief. The holes in your earlobes are bigger than my vagina."

I couldn't help but laugh long and hard. That poor man probably couldn't look at his ears again without thinking of that woman!
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My 86 year old mom with stage 5-6 dementia lives with me. She not only gets confused all the time about where she is, she also thinks I have more than one home. Once I tried to tell her that I'm single and I can only afford one mortgage and I can barely afford it at that. She replied, "You know, if you sold that other house, you could probably just pay this house off. Did you ever think of that?" I gave up at that point and said, "OK, can you point this house out to me and as soon as I find out where this house is I'm gonna sell it." She looked at me for a few moments and then said in her wisest voice, "I think you need to keep better track of your houses. That's your main problem right there." Thanks Mom, you're right. I need to keep better track of my houses. Story of my life. :)
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I was in the hospital having a procedure done, my husband was sitting in the cubbyhole waiting for them to take me to the OR, here comes the surgical nurse and she is going over what is going to happen, she looks at my husband and asks, and you are the husband? I sit up and ask her what she means, doesn't he work for the hospital?!? She instantly freaks out, we start laughing and she gets it right away. We heard her telling everyone that she was had and it gave them all a good laugh. We even heard some snorting, which made us laugh more.

It was some of the best care I ever received after the practical opportune joke.
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Miranova Jul 2019
LOL. This is similar to a time I took my best friend (who is a man) to the hospital to have surgery for his gall bladder. So the nurse is in taking down all his info, and we're all chatting and whatnot. I then say something about my husband being at work...that nurse whipped her head up so fast looking severely confused. "But, isn't this your husband? Does your.....other husband...know you're here with him?" OMG, my bestie and I just laughed! Had to explain that he lives with us, just a friend, he has no family in the area, etc.
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My mother had a WONDERFUL sense of humor.
She became engaged right after her HS graduation, and was engaged for 14 years, until her brothers, who HATED her fiancée, introduced her to my dad.
They were married 6 weeks later.
By the time she entered a local SNF, she’d lived through a stroke and a badly broken hip.
Still tiny and CUTE, she was asked one day some question about her husband.
She responded “Which one?”
When I got home from work I found a message on my answering machine to stop at the office before going in to see her, which was a little out of the ordinary, but I dutiful tapped on the office door and was ushered in.
”ANN, we’re going to need to update your mom’s information. We realized today that we had no information about one of her husbands”.
I’m rarely speechless, but that was some conversation stopper.
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I’ve shared this before but it’s good.

my mom died last year but on her first day in assisted living after a bad fall and hospital stay I transferred her directly into AL. I took dad over that evening to have dinner with her in the fancy dining room. Mom was very wide eyed checking out all the residents. As I was shoving her in her wheelchair back to her room after dinner she said THERES NOBODY BUT OLD PEOPLE IN HERE! I told her that seemed like the kettle calling the pot black. She thought for a bit...YA KNOW, THAT OCCURRED TO ME JUST AS THAT WAS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH.

A couple years before after a hip replacement we were moving mom into this grim rehab center. We get to her room, there’s a roommate, a poor old lady moaning constantly HEP ME! HEP ME! (Hillbilly for HELP ME)

finally a nurse comes into to get mom checked in and was going through all the basic alertness questions, what’s your name, do you know where you are etc. Mom got them all right very promptly then asked me WHY IS SHE ASKING ME ALL THESE QUESTIONS? I jokingly told her it was a test. If she missed any there’d kick her out. Next question....Mrs ...Do you know who the president is? Mom...YEAH. FDR
Alas, she had to stay.
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Miranova Jul 2019
LOL! My dad complains all the time that his AL is just full of old people. He's 72. It's even more funny because while he was living with me, he complained that my house was full of children and nobody for him to talk to that were from his generation. Hahahaha
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I could write a BOOK about my MIL, her thought processes alone are beyond hilarious....and altho she is starting to really show signs of dementia, or at least, very compromised thinking, most of the things that happened, happened MANY years ago.

Once, many years ago, she pulls my sis in law and me to the side at a family dinner, Tells us in a hushed and terrified voice that we were BY NO MEANS to use pay phones, no matter where or why we needed them. We asked her why and she blushes brilliant red and says "Phone sex. It's disgusting. You don't know what people are doing with those phones". I almost fell over from laughter. Sis in law is almost crying she's so embarrassed. We had to EXPLAIN to her that people were just 'talking' and she said "they don't... you know....'insert' the phones anywhere then?"

This happened 20 years ago and we still laugh ourselves silly.
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My grandpa had a pat answer for anyone asking him how he was feeling, "Same as always, with my hands. "
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Rbuser1 Jul 2019
hahaha!
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My step mother on the phone. It is Mothers day, me "Are you going to the dinner celebration"? She reply's "I don't know, it is raining real hard, and someone stole my umbrella"! Well, the celebration is in the dining room of the home she lives in, all under one roof, ok then. She then calls me 1/2 hour later and asks me to pick her up and drive her to the celebration, right, I only live 2,500 miles away, I proceed to tell her that, she asks me when I moved. Hello, is this the party to whom I am not talking to? Yes, might be. She calls back again, the nurse came in to dispense her drugs and was going to guide her down to the luncheon, and guess what...she found her umbrella, it was hidden on the kitchen counter, she took it with her, JIC she got caught in the rain!
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Mom, who has dementia, and has had 3 husbands, last of which was Bill who died in 2016, comes out with an old men's suit from her closet. She asks me if I think my husband would want it (Ha! It's from the 70's and way too small!) I said I don't think so, but thanks, Mom, where did you get that suit? She says "it was Bill's" I said, I don't think so, Mom, she says "I know it is, I buried him in it!"

Umm....how'd you get that suit back? Even she had to laugh!!!
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ArtistDaughter Jul 2019
Thank you for that laugh.
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I was visiting my mom at her SNF. It was lunch time and she was always trying to share her food or drink with me. This one time she said that there’s iced tea, juice, coffee, but no booze. I happened to look up and the male nurse and I started laughing. I said maybe that should be looked into. My mom wasn’t a drinker, so why she said there’s no booze puzzled me.
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I always knew when Dad really needed a haircut.... he would start saying his hair was looking like Dagwood's.
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At the age of 92, my Dad was really not there any more. He had to wear depends and get help changing them a couple times a day. I think he could hear, but the responses were almost always nasty and obviously confused.

so..he got a summons to the State Grand Jury. I tried to explain on the phone, but was told he would have to serve!!

ok. So about a month before the date he was to report, I sent a letter to the clerk of the jury.... I explained that they would need someone to change his diaper a few times a day...and maybe poke him to keep him awake. Since he cannot walk, what time would the court have someone with a wheelchair to meet us at the courthouse door, and then wheel him around as he might need?

Got it a letter within a few days...excused from jury duty.

was it the dirty diapers or him sleeping in the jury box that convinced them?
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earlybird Jul 2019
Of my goodness, I needed a good laugh today. Love this post!
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My sister and I were getting my dads new room at the assisted living ready for him to move in. He was about 91 at the time. After 2 days of solid work hanging curtains and pictures and moving in all his furniture and making sure he had all the little necessities of life I asked him if he needed anything else in his shower and his reply? "yes, a tall blond!" Things never change!
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I have another crazy story. It was around Christmas time and my niece was in the holiday musical. My family and I all attended the school production. It was so relaxing to just sit and enjoy the music. When I first arrived at the school I asked for handicapped seating because my mother was in a w/c. They told me she would be ok in the front. I confirmed that it would safe for my mother. Well half way through the show a 6 feet animated reindeer with huge hooves jumped in front of my mother and slipped under her wheelchair. He could not get his hooves out from under the w/c. The show stopped for approximately 20 minutes and all eyes were on us. I could not control my laughter nor could the rest of the family. The more he tried to get out the more we laughed. A lady in back of me asked if mother was ok and I said yes . She seemed irritated that we were laughing. I think she was worried about my mother. The boy cried after the show and he came up to my mother to see if she was ok On the way home we sang "Mama got run over by a reindeer". That night her back hurt because of the boy slipped under my mother's w/c so I took her to the ER for an x-ray. The doctors and nurses laughed the whole time, at this point I felt bad for laughing. They did not know what to write in the notes. I told them to write exactly what happened. She was run over by an animated reindeer. She did not have an injury just some aches and pains for a few day. I called the superintendents office and complained and told them they should have a handicapped section. The next day they went full force and made a handicapped section. I was happy they did something right away. The superintendent send flowers to the wrong address my nieces mother but the thought was there.{ she did not know what to do with them Hello! I went out and bought my mother some pretty flowers after that. We still talk about that day around the holidays.
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My mother is so hard of hearing and refuses to get a hearing aid. So we are constantly having trouble communicating. Here are a few misscomms.
Talking about the stars.
Me: I heard Mercury is in retrograde.
Mom: I don't even drink Gatorade!
Talking about me getting laid off.
Me: I'm filing for unemployment.
Mom: Oh, you're on the toilet?
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BlackHole avatar
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BlackHole Jul 2019
Ha ha!
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