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Just do it. And I hope you get great help and some relief. I truly wish you the best.
You sound like you are an amazing wife. Obviously, you care for your husband dearly to want him to be comfortable while you attend to your needs.
Try to have the same amount of compassion for yourself as you do for your husband.
Realize that it isn’t a luxury to have time off from caregiving, but rather a necessity.
You absolutely need rest for your body and mind. You also need rest to have enough stamina to care for your husband’s needs.
Best wishes to you and your husband.
If you do not take the time you need, there is no way that you can keep him home, that is the reality.
You seem bent on keeping him home in order to do this you must be in good mental and physical shape.
Wish you the best.
An elder may continue to refuse 'non-family' help. But this decision will have consequences. It is up to the family what those consequences are.
At least that’s how it worked for me.
Now they are best buddies and my wife misses her caregiver when she isn’t here. Every situation is different and I know I am blessed with my outcome.
Sometimes keeping them home is the best decision that can be made FOR ALL CONCERNED, and sadly, FOR ALL CONCERNED, sometimes not.
When you are trying to “reason” with him, you are sacrificing and losing time that you NEED, and not making him any more secure or comfortable by doing so.
Knowing that your efforts to structure HIM are NOT WORKING, try structuring YOU.
Congenial caretaker enters, chats with husband (snack, checkers, whatever to distract), “I’m going to run to the post office (market, Walmart, garden store) and I’ll be back really soon”, kiss, turn, and leave.
I found that “kiss-turn-leave” was a miracle, once I mastered it.
Try it! If he doesn’t protest, you will be out the door, and getting to do WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE.
If he DOES protest, you’ll STILL be doing what you have to do, and he’ll still be your husband who has Alzheimer’s when you get home.
A hard thing for a loving caregiver to do, but sometimes, as painful as it can be for you both, also the best you can do for both of you.
You are not alone in this.
Invite him to have lunch with the two of you and let them take a walk together (or a long ride) to see what they have in common.
Sadly, I feel that some people are going to be stubborn, confused or whatever, no matter what is said to them.
Isn’t it interesting how caregivers learn how to be creative? In other words, embellish the truth or outright lie to get a parent to willingly cooperate, without us losing our minds!
It reminds me of how I learned (out of desperation) to be creative as a new mom. My oldest daughter loved going to the playground when she was young.
She wouldn’t want to buckle her seatbelt. She would cry. I would become frustrated.
I don’t know how I thought of this but I told my daughter that the car wouldn’t start, nor would the wheels of the car turn, if she wasn’t buckled up. She was young enough to buy my big fat lie! LOL 😆
There wasn’t any need for a long lecture or either of us becoming upset. We were off to the playground to have fun.
audry810, you should teach a course in ‘embellishing the truth’ for the elderly. Your answer was truly brilliant!
I suppose many caregiving solutions are all hit or miss depending on the situation. It surely is worth a try to stretch the truth to get something difficult resolved.