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When APS comes out to the house, If they don’t ask, then don’t tell. Answer their questions but again, if they don’t ask then don’t tell. Catch my drift? I understand how stressful this is and that you can’t help but worry, but try not to! Your husband is cared for and your ducks are in a row. I would be very very surprised if anything came of the APS investigation.
Make sure you see an attorney regarding your estate, it sounds like the niece is conniving to go after it, make sure you take the necessary precautions.
I don't know if the trust can be changed since Marty has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. As it stands now, I think I am ok as my daughter has POA on me if I become incapacitated.
I agree that talking to a lawyer is a good thing. He may agree with me, he may agree with Alva. I would also ask if a family member or friend could sit in with you for moral support. Sometimes when we r nervous we don't remember what was said. If u don't have POA for husband, I would see if its still possible for husband to assign you. This will help protect you from niece. Put in file at your bank and Drs. office.
This may work in your favor. The SW may suggest resources you can take advantage of. ALZ will progress to where you need more help. U may have to eventually place DH in LTC. If the claim becomes unfounded, this is good for you. You now have it on record and if niece tries this again, APS will be more likely to be on ur side.
If it were me, I would eventually get rid of the guns. At this point, they are a danger. If you want to keep ur handgun, make sure its where husband will never find it.
i took the advice about being upfront to mean.....answer their questions truthfully and completely & don’t be invasive, don’t give them reason to be suspicious. Being upfront doesn’t mean volunteering information. Just my honest opinion but if they don’t ask, she shouldn’t tell. Just answer the questions they ask and say I more. It’s in her best interest to cooperate. It will get them out of her life faster.
#1 First thing that is important is that you cooperate. DO NOT attempt to meet them elsewhere, to postpone meeting. Be gracious and at their service. This will get you a huge number of points going in.
#2 When this person visits I would ask if you could sit together and talk briefly. I would "jump the gun" so to speak, in that I would say just what you said here, and as clearly and briefly. That you have been doing care for your husband for so many years, and that there is a Niece who has recently attempted to get husband's assets by taking him to a Lawyer without you or your permission and who has attempted to change his trust. I would then give this woman's name. I would say that while you have no idea on earth who could have reported you,that you are entirely in shock about it, you would ask that if it is this Niece they be very careful in assessing her. That you believe she is preying upon your assets. You now have even MORE points in your basket.
#3. I would admit that you have and always have had firearms when you enter the bedroom with APS. That they are safely under lock and key at all times, just in case. And that you do have a concealed carry license. Have that ready at your side. Tell them that you are very fearful in our current climate in our country that someone more "liberal" than you might be against fire arms. I am no lover of fire arms myself; however they are your RIGHT under the law and under the constitution and you have been VERY responsible in your handling of all this. Were it me, I would pass you in a second on that.
4. Know that they are not interested into immaculate housekeeping, but will be interested in safe and sanitary. Clean refrig. Clean toilet, Safety grab bars. Hand rails by stairs. So on. May ask about meals. How you get them. May ask if husband is judged safe alone and if not what do you do when he has to be alone because you are shopping and etc. Remember, it is in the interest of the State that your husband remain with you for any number of reasons. Consider them on your side. Treat them as though they are.
Basically, under the law on a home check they will have a certain right to do certain things. I hope someone on forum is better informed and can tell you exactly what those things are, but I would be a "My house is your house" kind of gal. EVEN if they were quite rude. The more open and forthcoming they are the more they will like you. And sorry, but liking you likely will count. Remember you are in it to win it.
This is tragic. It sounds as though you have someone absolutely preying upon you and your husband. I almost would think of trying to visit a lawyer to prevent someone trying to take him again to change the Trust. Do know that without the trust itself and without access to his assets it will be hard for this woman to get what she needs to draw up a Trust, as anyone can make a trust, but it is hard to move assets into it, such as bank accounts, properties. But she could have him make a holographic will, so who knows. If she does it again I would consider reporting HER to APS and consider a restraining order.
I would also consider getting guardianship of your husband if you can afford a lawyer to assist you.
If she did it once she may do it again.
Now to the basic of you and hubby being both getting close to a fine vintage at this point. Do you have family you trust? If not it may be time to consider a way to protect BOTH of you if something happens to your own health in any way. Durable Power of Attorney for health and financial.
Hugs, and good luck.
I am sure wishing you the very best. I hope you will update us. You sound exceptionally bright, able and kind; I think you will ace this.
Don't change a thing in your house!
You do have to allow them in, or the APS will say they will call the sheriff out if you do not allow them in. This happened to a neighbor. The APS officer left saying to me: "Why was she wearing diapers?" She wasn't. He went in without allowing her to change out of her underwear. Crazy, huh? So they can also interview neighbors, even if the neighbors did not call them.
In my opinion only, and because of your volunteer work, I would make a big deal and call the sheriffs out when they arrive and ask for a civil assist. (Be present).
Call ahead so they can be expecting your call for a civil assist. The sheriff's will already know (sorry) because they work in cooperation with each agency, and actually will come out ahead of the APS officer if there is an immediate danger.
Or, it may be wiser to keep a low profile and cooperate. They will want to talk to your husband separately.
The APS are often there to inquire, and suggest changes that would help you care for yourself and husband. They are much too busy to take on a false accusation case.
Your attorney is yours and your husband's, correct? What was she thinking?
What has your husband been saying? Take him in to see the lawyer imo.
The two of you should pull together, protect yourselves.
Edited: Yes, cooperate, but do not volunteer any information. I believe an attorney would advise that. The visit to my neighbor (years ago) was under 30 minutes.
However, be aware that APS is just one more broken system known to have over-reached it's power and authority at times, as well as some being completely
impedent. (Useless).
No worries. If anything happens you can appeal their decision. Just say to yourself, this is not happening! Do not imagine scenarios in your mind, imo.
P.S. You don't have two inches of cockroaches covering your floors, do you?
That is what APS is for.
I think perhaps you need to call the local APS office and find out if this person is one of their employees.
You really can't be too careful these days.
After re reading comments I am scared of this niece and her probably trying to get guardianship of this couple completely. I hope they see their lawyer when this is over.
APS may just ding on "no grab handle by shower" and we will return after you get one installed. That kind of thing. But I doubt they will mess with this gentle lady. I hope not.
I called the Social Worker's supervisor and told her that Hubby didn't want that man to come back because he lied to him. We never got a response. So, on Monday I had Hubby talk to someone who answered the phone. He wasn't articulate, but did get across that anyone else would be ok but not that man who lied to him. Still no response
Tuesday morning I had a free phone appointment with an Elder Law Advocate Attorney who gave me some great ideas. I got his name through the County Bar Association. He said to get all of his medicines in a plastic bag for the APS worker to see. Make a list of all the medicines, their doses, and what they were for. Also add to the list all of his doctors, phone numbers, and why he saw them. Then add the attorneys, Our trust attorney and himself. Lastly, since I am going to a caregiver support group sponsored by the county mental health department to add the moderator's name. She is a Social Worker. I made up a very nice typed list (even if I do say so myself). He also said I could tell them my finances but they had no right to see bank accounts. He did say I could have a third "disinterested" party there. He said from what I told him he didn't see any problems.
Well, my girlfriend came over, we waited and waited and no one showed up. So, now we wait again for the other shoe to drop. I told hubby if anyone comes when I am not home to not let them them in the house.
They won’t answer your questions
but will ask you many. My advice is don’t pepper them with questions.
Hopefully you’ve never threatened anyone with those guns, in any case
just stay calm and offer APS a nice seat at your kitchen table and offer them something to drink, and just wait for their questions.
good luck
I only have it because I am regularly out with deputies and if a bad guy recognized me and tried to shoot me, I hopefully would be able to defend myself. The Department told us to get them.
After coming from a Fire background where I was a "good 'guy", this has been a rude awakening for me.