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As I learned here, your Mom has had her life.
It's time for you to live yours.
"I can't possibly do that!" is a fine answer to your mom.
Offer to help your mom find a place (you can tour Assisted Livings over FaceTime or similar.)
Your mother is 95 , she had her retirement . You deserve to have yours as well . You live where you want to live .
Either Mom goes into assisted living where she is , or by you , those are her choices at this point . She’s the one that is 95 and will need care . You should not be the one to have to move . Don’t have mom live with you either .
She wants you to move in with her and prop up her false independence . Elders should not expect their children to move , uproot their lives , in an attempt to avoid the changes the elder is facing .
I did not move back because my only child and grandkids live in the Bay Area. I want to be part of their lives.
Don’t move back because you deserve to have the life you want. . Try to figure out a way to make it work.
Good luck navigating this. It is hard.
Sometimes you have to make decision based on your gut. At close to 70 I'd stick to your original plan.
It appears you have two options. After Dad is gone find her assisted living back east or bring her to the Southern Sierra and find her assisted living in the Southern Sierra. For you it would be easier having her in assisted living in Southern Sierra but if she refuses find her something in her home town while you stay out west(this will be harder for you but many families make this work.)
You've worked hard your entire life and you don't want to be on the east coast. This is not an option.
I absolve you of that burden your family is trying to put on you.
At their ages, they could literally drop dead at any given moment. My 96 year old aunt was trucking along and one day had a terrible headache and a few hours later was dead from a brain aneurysm.
My kids all moved out to California and one does have a home in the Sierras to go skiing. I would never, ever force them to move back East! They deserve to live their best life and not come back to an area they despise just to babysit their elderly mother! Their dad is already in a nursing home with a rare form of dementia- not putting any of that on my children.
Her records could be sent to new doctors to review and be up to speed .
Investigate ILs, ALs and Nursing Homes in the area you intend to move to. Mom's needs may change, so visit places with different levels of care.
I like to use the word *may* too, as I feel wrong predicting *will change*. Although at 95..
An elderly man the other week told me his next *real estate* would have a few rose bushes & lovely green grass on top.
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