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So sorry for the loss of your brother
I personally wouldn't tell her - my mom couldn't stand the thought of her favorite niece being in the hospital so no way I told her when she passed
My brother recently had a bad accident and is in rehab now, but I wouldn't mention it to her at all even if things got worse
Dementia or not, after a certain age, there's no need of bad news
The heartache would kill her to know that her baby (50 years young) has passed. I have his son call her at times and she thinks it is him. I keep him alive for her sake. At 91 with dementia, my intention is to keep her safe, sound and at peace. She will see him again on the other side.
I had to tell my mother her sister died and she took it quite hard. But by the time we left the Nursing Home, she was fine.
I know it's hard on you to tell your mom this. Because it will be hard to watch her mourn. But you shouldn't take that right away from her. She will only get worse and think you are hiding something from her (which you are) if you keep denying her any type of logical answer as to why her son can't at least "call" her on the phone. How long can you go on not telling her?
You will eventually need to tell her, or eventually it will come out. You should have really told her about it when your brother died.
I'm truly sorry for your loss. Please tell your mom.
I can understand that you want to spare your mother the pain and grief of losing a child. Of course. But at the moment she is experiencing the pain, fear and frustration of not seeing her child and having no idea what's happened to him. That's not hugely better, is it? And you're lying to her, which is stressful and miserable for you. And there is a possibility that the news will reach her from other sources, which will confuse the bejasus out of her and potentially threaten her trust in you.
I would try once, very carefully, preferably with back up from a chaplain or other experienced bereavement counsellor. And for heaven's sake be vague about when it happened - do NOT 'fess up to the deceit.
Zeenna2002 ~ First of all, I am sorry for your loss. I know it cannot be easy losing your brother and taking care of your mom. From my own personal experience with my mother, the heartache would kill her to know that her baby (50 years young) had passed. I have his son call her at times and she thinks it is him, which gives her peace. I keep him alive for her sake. At 91 with dementia, my intention is to keep her safe, sound and at peace. She will see him again on the other side.
He does not understand most of the time where he is at so I think he accepts what we are telling him.
Each family situation is different. You have to do what is best for your mom
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