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I'm a slightly younger 2nd spouse (have a kid in high school) & we've been through lots of dealing with Medicare Medicaid & estate/probate mazes in dealing with our mom's & aunts. There is just so much to think about, consider & weigh and really you need an outside experienced viewpoint on this that knows your state's laws, which a good attorney can be. For example, one thing we didn't ever even think about the ownership of our life insurance policies. Most couples have it so that each is the others beneficiary. But say your hubby gets on Medicaid, and you have an auto accident and die. Then all of a sudden that 100K policy is now his. And he is 100K richer and is too far into dementia to deal with it. But as our attorney pointed out, you can have another legal entity be the beneficiary and therefore there is $ that can be used for him but never is owned by him so no Medicaid issues. If he has property from before you that goes to his kids from earlier marriages, attorney can do a usufruct or other legal vehicle, so that you can continue to use it but doesn't change the intent to leave whatever to his kids. You can't plan for all possibilities, but at least you'll have a plan to start with. Good luck
I've often thought of how much better off I would have been financially if we'd never bothered to get married. Family values ... yeah, right.