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I am sqending down so Dad can qualify soon I hope. Unfortunately, it is almost a blessing to have no $, as you qualify for help if the state has any $. (AZ)
Is it possible to spend down or just give the $ to state so she will qualify? My aunt is in that quandary.
At first, I went to visit a lot (still not every day) but it is getting harder and harder. Could you try every other day or even one day less per week?
Anyway, I think you are wonderful and deserve any little kind of break. Does anyone else go to see Mom?
Give yourself a break when you can, maybe by going every other day. Make sure she is well cared for, keep on being her advocate, but give yourself a break from time to time.
If the depression is overwhelming, you may want to see a doctor. Many caregivers suffer from clinical depression and need medical help.
Take care,
Carol
Been there, done that.
Norene
I don't know if this is possible for you but I'll tell you what I've just started trying.
I emotionally, physically, cannot visit my Mother every day. I also have my Dad next door who should be in assisted living.
I TRY to visit my Mom 2x's a week. I don't always even manage one time. My Dad hasn't visited in 1 1/2 years.
I have hired two friends who have gone with me before to visit Mom. I know you shouldn't have to hire friends but it isn't really close and no one will go without me with them. This way they will.
They will go however often they are able; between once or twice a week to once or twice a month. I have introduced them to the staff and told them they also will be checking in on Mom. The staff has already seen them come with me before so they aren't total strangers.
My friends object to the pay part, but they really need it and it is the only way I know to ENSURE that they go.
As someone else mentioned there are many CNA's and other health-care workers out of work or who have had their hours cut and are looking for side jobs. They might also be possibilities.
My Dad is paying for it. I informed him; didn't ask or suggest. He's happy with it.
Believe me, I know my Mom would rather see ME but it won't hurt her to have others help her and visit. I've taught them all the things I do for Mom while I'm there (lipstick, hair, a little Bible reading, make sure she has sweater,socks, and glasses on etc.)
When Dad gets on Medicare soon he won't have any money but I'll worry about that when the time comes. One thing I learned (sort of) from taking care of Mom is worry only about the present nano-second. No use worrying about the next second. Things will turn out differently than you imagine anyway. If they are both alive this second I'm happy.
I could move Mom 3 blks from me and put my Dad in an assisted living apartment at the same place, but Mom receives better care where she is even though it isn't super convenient for the rest of us. Plus she has Alzheimer's and not nice to move her after 5 years unless absolutely necessary. My Dad will only go into Assisted Living if it is the same place as Mom but they don't have Assisted living where she is. It's always a puzzle, isn't it?
I don't know if you could go 3 times a week and pay 1 or 2 people to go 1 or 2 other days. It makes me feel better because I get full reports each time. If it's friends they'll probably feel guilty because they should have been visiting anyway and not accept a "gift" for visiting. As
We have to leave a little life for ourselves. That's what our parents supposedly raised us to do,(even though they've forgotten).
I'm sorry this is so long-winded. I hope something one of us says helps. It is nice to be able to write other people who REALLY understand.
mip86