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Have you looked into adult day cares in your area? i dang near jump in joy when I put my mom on the bus.. on those days.. not an ounce of guilt to be heard or seen.
Best Wishes
Kelley
The only thing that gives me mental respite is to do something creative...it is the only way my mind can wander and get lost in something more productive and satisfying. You can do so many activities at home.
I am curious as to why you cannot make "other arrangements" for your Mom so that you can get a small break. Are you in a town that has limited services? Are you unable to let her be in someone else's care? I really wish for you a break from it all...even if it is a short one. I fear for the health of your psyche.
take care,
Lilli
All caregivers experience depression at one point or another. How we cope with it is the tricky part. Some people resort to "happy pills" like Prozac or Celexa to mask it; others accept it as part of a war in which all sides lose something. Some, always so free and easy on the advice, seem to be in total control. The fact is that half the time they're playing the Cleopatra Queen of Denial bit complete with teflon attitude, and pretending they're in control of everything and everyone. Some give in and become trapped; others go screaming into the night after the first week. The list goes on and on.
Miz, it sounds to me like you're grieving for a life you used to have before all these sacrifices of caregiving came along. And barely anyone around to help except those whose love for you you believed unconditional.
Every 24 hours or so take some "me time" and rewind the tape of your existence. Have you been happy, even if it's for 5 minutes a day? Is your soul searching deep enough to identify the causes or triggers of your depression? Of course you'll come across individuals handing out their spiel about people, places, and things. What they won't tell you is that those same people, places, and things are actually you.
All us, in time, will need a source of strength other than our own. Dig a little deeper within yourself, and you'll realize the answers you seek have been there all along.
By the way you do look like a social butterfly-girl. Go on with your bad self.
You won't lose your mind, we'll be signing you up for the cruise that we'll be taking on Bobbie's Yacht.
Some days I feel like throwing in the towel.
My 90 year old Mother goes out once a week to go shopping-and that is the greatest time for me! Its like all the bad air in the house is gone for awhle and I can play music, walk around wherever I wish, dance, talk to myslef-whatever. This is one thing that doesn't get addressed very often. Emphasis is on the "getting out" part of respite, which is fine, but since most of us are adults, we also mourn the freedom to just "be" in our own homes!
Does anyone agree?
I do feel for you though because your mom is there for you. I understand totally about when she goes shopping and you can be yourself. I can just see you dancing, singing, doing what-ever you so desire and I say ALLRIGHT Ms Nina!
What would happen if you turned on the music while your mother was there, and you held her hand and danced with her, I mean simulated dancing?
Think I'll go back to bed until its time for wine LOL
Mother bitches up a storm if she hears my music-though I do have an IPod (which is great when I want to ignore her -I just gesture that I can't hear her.) Of course I pay for this later in some way.
I have even tried smudge sticks to get the bad energy out of the house-can't say that its worked...
Mine also wants everything I have-its like living with a toddler without the authority to tell them "naptime"---
Maybe your mother won't ever become disagreeable miz.
I get depressed too, and I get resentful sometimes.
Resentful because my mother ( whom I am caregiver full time for now) never even walked up stairs to come and visit me when I was confined to a recliner after my mastectomy. I had Catheters hangin out of my chest, and she claimed(her excuse) for not coming to see me was that she couldn't "stand to see me that way" She dropped a casserole off downstairs with my husband on her way to the casino. this was almost 5 years ago exactly
I know Depressed, But I also know that I can overcome it without medication. ON top of Caregiving I wake up every day and wonder when the cancer bomb is going to drop on me again.
I try to find solace in the fact that I am doing what I do in spite of what My mother did or didnt do for me,because I am a good person, I am a loving person. One day I am going to have to face her death and I want to know that I treated her as well and was as kind and loving to her as I could be.
I will be able to live with me.
Vitamin D3 and sunlight also is great help with this. I get down here in Northern Indiana when the skies are grey to many days in a row. A tanning session once a week helps.
You also might consider finding a caregiver to come in so you can get out on occasion even if it's just for that tanning session.
I can empathize with you as I am a Home Care Provider, and I lost to death a couple 6 weeks apart. He was 91 and she was almost 93. Then a month later my 84 year old mom passed away. 2009 was a rough year emotionally for me too.
God is good, put your trust in him and he will get you through it.
I completely understand the inner conflict you're dealing with. I had to leave the company I started (which subsequently closed down recently) to take care of my mother, now 95 and relatively healthy. She moved in with us over 2 years ago and is no longer ambulatory. I was depressed, suffering with insomnia and digestive problems, feeling trapped (my sibling lives on the opposite coast and does not have the capacity to be a caregiver), resentful and of course, guilty. I finally had to recognize that at 60 years old, I don't have the same stamina on any level as I had 10 years ago, to continue managing Mom's care and the household. Office of the Aging provides a home health aid for 2 hours, 2x/week to shower Mom, dress her, prepare her breakfast and clean up her bedroom. It's a big help and I don't have to pay out of pocket. I then hired 3 different home health aids privately and pay them $12/hour to cover the hours I need the most - morning, mid afternoon and early evening with preparation for her bedtime. I'm not working and my husband's work has been severely cut so this is definitely a financial challenge for us. However, I've come to recognize - with the support of a local caregiver's group, friends and family members, that my health and well being must come first. I still have a daughter and 2 step-daughter's in college. I now use a treadmill, walk outside on the nice days, find time to meditate (even for 5 minutes), take supplements like Omega 3's, Vitamin D3, and a good multi. I also take melatonin before bedtime. I have eliminated gluten and dairy and substitute healthier options to support my immune system. I do lots of research online and subsequently, with my doctor's ok, am no longer on anti-depressants - they were causing more insomnia. It's important to take charge of your life to the extent that you make healthy choices for your well-being and by consulting with your healthcare provider (or a psychotherapist - even for a short term.) I hope someday, my daughter will take care of me the way I've taken care of my mother but not with the risky compromise over her own healthcare. I love my mother and am in a better frame of mind. Good luck and blessings to you and your Mom - you're a special daughter.