By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Just keep saying no. No dad we are not able to take you out to dinner or to our apartment anymore, but we would love to have dinner with you at your facility.
He will throw a temper tantrum but just like a child you will have to stand your ground and not do it anymore. You and your sister could really injure yourselves trying to bring his wheel chair up the stairs, not to mention the bathroom incident your described with holding his weight like that.
Back injuries are nothing to sneeze at and could debilitate you for life from just one injury.
Your going to have to say No , that's really all there is to it. There is nothing more you can do. I know it's hard, and it's hard for you to. Hard to not have your dad be able to come to your home, and hard to watch him eat.
I get it, every thing is starting to feel like , the last, and you don't want it to be and neither does dad. Your morning those last , and it feels a little like guilt.
Tell him, it's just not safe, your sorry he is aging , and aging just really bites!
Best of luck
You are the person making decisions for dad now. You'll be happy to bring him some homemade food on Sunday at his place, or dine with him in the dining room. But you'll no longer be picking him up to take him to your apartment or to restaurants. It's too hard on your back and you can't handle it anymore, period. If he has meltdowns, he'll live thru them. Trust me on that.
We cannot always accommodate our parents every wish when they're old and infirm, nor should we try to. And please leave guilt out of this. You've done it for 2 years and that's plenty. I had to stop picking my mother up and taking her to my house or to restaurants when she became wheelchair bound with dementia too. It was just too much.
Best of luck to you.
That being said, sad these have to end. In a way, he probably realizes this too, but won't admit it
Is your Dad on any meds for his anxiety/agitation? He is probably Sundowning when he is calling you.
I agree with others that he probably now has dementia, which means you aren't obligated to do anything he demands since it is not reasonable or considerate. Distract or redirect the conversation. Even tell him a therapeutic fib that his doctor says he cannot safely use anything but an ADA bathroom and residence and must have a qualified aid and you can't go against his doctor's orders. But there won't be any reasoning with him anymore.
I hope your father's ordeal is over soon. This is no way to live.
No is a one word sentence. You won't do it anymore. Someone is going to get hurt and it won't be you. You don't even sit down to eat dinner with him. So taking it to him would be no different, really. Also, when you say No, your not responsible for the reaction you get.
Whoever has his DPOA needs to make that decision for his and your well-being.
Care with a loving firm hand and they will get past their issues
I walked in on my Mom screeming at my Dad. He had pushed the wrong button. Dad was about 77. He had been disabled for heart for 25yrs. He must have asked Mom for something he could perfectly do and she, 76, asked him "When do I get to be retired" Dad said "never". She went balistic. She had been his Caregiver those 25 yrs. Even before, waited on him hand and foot. I will bet he never apologized.
And what is this about demands? That is abusive. Sorry! I am being more reactionary than helpful