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As of today she is still in the ER with no word on her condition.
I can't say that either way is right or wrong. There are pros and cons to both sides so it really is a personal decision.
Is your mom competent to understand the risks and weigh them against the rewards?
I didn’t expect that you and your Mom would be called selfish by several people on this site. I didn’t expect the unkind answers when you were seeking help. I really expected more as I thought this was a group of people who could share their opinions without name calling and being mean. I’m sorry that is what you received when seeking help.
I sincerely hope you and your Mom will have as lovely a Christmas as possible during these uncertain times. 🎄
I do not understand why anyone would place emotions over science.
Her doctor did not approve her visiting. That should be the determining factor.
Just because someone is old doesn’t mean that they are entitled to everything their heart desires.
your Mom is not a child and how many more years do you think you have with her? God bless her she beat the odds with surviving Covid! She probably wants to see everyone because she knows her odds are dwindling. She is choosing the love of family over the scared tactics media has been feeding the public. Should be her choice. She already had the virus, odds are pretty good she has the antibodies now. I don’t think people have gotten the virus twice.
I wish I had my Mom here; she died in March. She was 90. We would definitely choose to be with her, love her, hug her and let her enjoy the family for as long as she’d like. Let her be with the family.
One lives in Georgia and she was a foolish anti masker. She wanted to live as if there isn’t a pandemic!
Sadly, my niece is not doing very well. She’s in her 40’s and is a single mother of two sons.
The other lives in D.C. and took all precautions to prevent Covid and still got it! He is a colon cancer survivor. This past year he has had two heart surgeries. He is not doing well at all. He is single. Never married. My cousin is in his 50’s.
I pray that they both pull through.
This is not a time to take unnecessary risk!
whatever you choose try to be at peace with it and move past it. I’m giving you that advice because I’m trying to do the same.
You say that your mom keeps saying that this will be her last Christmas, and that this is a huge reason why she wants to gather with family now.
Why does she say this I wonder, is she ill or does she have some kind of health problem that means that her life expectancy is less than a year? Is she on hospice? What does her doctor say about this, does he/she think your mom won't survive another year?
My mom said this for years - 'This might be my last Christmas, I don't know if I'll be around next year.'
Maybe if you can talk with her about her feeling that this is the last, that would help to address the situation? Especially if her doctor says there's no reason to think that - she survived Covid after all, she must have a pretty strong constitution.
(And when you say that you all survived Covid - did you all test positive, and then test positive for antibodies? I know people who think they had it early on but were never able to get tested, so they don't really know for sure.
"Whether you test positive or negative for COVID-19 on a viral or an antibody test, you still should take steps to protect yourself and others.
We do not know how much protection (immunity) antibodies to the virus might provide against getting infected again. Confirmed and suspected cases of reinfection have been reported, but remain rare. Scientists are working to understand this."
If the 'experts' do not know, how can you know that your Mother is immune?
The wise conclusion would be to stay home at this time. If everyone cooperated instead of looking for exceptions for themselves, we could be safer from the spread of infection. You have the right to choose to stay home.
We were aware last year that it could very well be the last Holliday season we had with Mom cognitively there but it wasn’t, this could very well be but we have chosen not to get together. We have all been in our own bubbles and not living in “red” areas but still just like Thanksgiving we will all stay in our household bubbles and have an “open” Zoom gathering instead. Yes a big part of why we are doing this is to protect Mom, she has been sequestered for months we don’t want to have suffered that for naught with even the slightest chance of exposing her now and no one feels good about possibly exposing kids or kids exposing parents either. On the upside our experiment on Thanksgiving was a lot of fun, we just set up a 7 hr Zoom “meeting” and sent invites to family all over the country so they could drop in and put whenever they wanted. We went about cooking and eating dinner so it was like they were joining in and we had a great mix of both sides of the family, spent Thanksgiving with relatives we never have before and even ate dinner with my mom and brother. We are planning Christmas a bit more ahead of time so we might even get relatives from out of the country joining in!
I totally get the the feeling that it’s worth the risk and that not having physical contact is doing more harm than COVID might and it’s a personal decision, I miss hugging my mom but I feel pretty confident she wouldn’t survive COVID-19 and I sure don’t want to wonder if I gave it to her and she wouldn’t want to worry that she gave it to me either so we will stick it out for each other and the rest of those we both love.
I agree with hugging your mom and telling her you can all be together in person for the next holiday. Insist on taking the doctors advice. Your mom will be vaccinated soon, which will give her more freedom. Use phone, skype Zoom, facetime etc. My mother in law died after only getting together with a couple of (asymptomatic) family members. Gathering puts you at risk, and other family members as well.
She should see her family.
They can stay their distance after they give her her Xmas hug and kiss.
She can wear a mask when she isn't eating and before she eats make sure her hands are clean.
Also, if she's already had the virus she'll have a good chance of not getting it again.
Also, hopefully during the Xmas gathering.
There's a couple windows open to let in some fresh air.
One last thought. I would start giving her an Airborne to take every day to build up her immune system before the Xmas Gathering.
Your mom has her mental wits about her and it should be her choice.
Mare her happy for Christmas, like your mom said. It could be her last.
She needs to hang in there until she gets the vaccine, which will be within a few months for her and is really effective. Just because she is old does not mean she gets to have her way.
I saw her on Thursday and she brought this up in passing--I freaked out a tiny bit b/c I thought they were all still actively sick, but no, the last sicky was out of quarantine that day.
I asked mother how she felt about seeing the family, one by one and the possibility of getting COVID. She said she wouldn't care if she got it if she was guaranteed she could die. She said that 2020 has been so depressing and she'd feel bad about ending her life on a low note--and I get that. I know she was trying to get me to plan some kind of family party, but there's well over 50 of us and 1 pregnant niece and 8 months old twins. Nope, not doing it.
It's going to be a weird holiday season. I personally will be glad to have it over and done and marching solidly into 2021 awaiting my vaccine and taking off that darn mask. And getting a pedicure. My feet look like hooves.
I, too, would take the chance with a N95 mask, which is probably what DH and I will end up doing. Sitting 10' from the un-immune kids and watching them, then leaving as soon as they've opened their gifts.
It is what it is.