By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I can tell you that it’s not easy (which you already know) but that there are ways to deal with this situation besides planting ourselves in front of the tv.
I walk daily (releases serotonin which helps with depression), practice self-care (bathing, eating healthy, reading, hobbies) and I connect with others who can offer support.
Take baby steps. Do one thing for yourself every day.
Get outside and garden or just sit in the sun and have a cup of tea! Paint, listen to music, refresh YOU.
Your life is just as valuable as your dad’s, maybe even more so. If something happens to you, your dad’s life as he knows it will end. And you are an important person and you future matters!! Be kind to yourself and be a little selfish.
Best of luck to you.
but you list categories below your post
burnout
depression
stress
YOUR skills on how to handle this and remain positive and not allow depression
are probably just as good as the next person....sounds like you do have nerves of steel. because I would go batcrazy being isolated. and I like being alone. but not alone with person with dementia. 24/7
unfortunately telling you 'ways' to stay positive when each day drags by with zero changes day after day.... month after month. AND eventually your dad declining in mental and physical health, probably wont help a lot.
all I can tell you is its hard for everyone. and dementia is the PITS.
You do have a great attitude about your situation, I have to say. From what you’ve said, from “Deputy Dawg on a walker” to phoning the police, you seem to find a certain amount of “entertainment “ in this. The police visits are laughable as you say. But the truth is, Dad is on their radar. If he injures someone, he may not have any choice but a facility.
You ask how the rest of us cope. Some of us don’t. We’ve had people on this site who say they are considering suicide and people who say they’re going to abandon their loved one and take off. Personally,because of dire financial issues, I’m not doing so well either. Like you, I spend my days watching 40 and 50 year old reruns as bedridden hubby plays flip-a-rama.
There are no magic solutions. You need to decide what works for you. I can say though, if Dad acts out to the point you need to call the police, I wouldn’t be quite as accepting of it as you seem to be. This is not a “normal” part of this disease. That alone would galvanize me into finding another living situation for him, somehow. Dad’s brain isn’t working and he cannot be reasoned with. You may think he understands and pride yourself on dealing with him, but because it still happens, nothing is being solved and it will continue and continue to escalate.
You obviously have experience with caregiving. After all these years of doing it, I’m surprised you’d ask for suggestions on how to handle it now. Are you becoming worried this is all there is to life? Since you say you won’t place Dad or find a way for in-home care to give youeven a small break just for yourself, what do you think the solution is? As long as your situation is the same, your stresses will remain the same as well. A therapist could show you how to handle your feelings but I suspect you’ll have a reason you can’t do that either.
I call my dad more of a Deputy Dog with walker. The stress is more or less juggling many situations that is self inflictive the I put on myself. One thought I had and haven't proceeded to do it is maybe call a psychiatrist that does home visits and have him or her pose as a friend and and talk to my dad. I wouldn't be surprised in the end of the discussion with my dad saying to me you definitely have your hands full. The other more plausible alternative is pay the maids that have relatives across the street to come on a more regular basis. They know him and only one speaks fluent English and Spanish and jokes with him; the other 2 only speak Spanish and they have no problem doing it at all. My dad doesn't speak Spanish so half the time one would be trying to communicate and understand the other plus he'd get exercise when they move him to another room.
I am by nature an introvert so the isolation worked for me... to a point. As my mom's need grew I was able to bring in caregivers twice a week, one day I had six hours so I could get completely away and another day I had two more and did my shopping and local errands. Getting out daily for fresh air and exercise was also a sanity saver - I took up running so I could work off the most stress in the least amount of time away. And I discovered AgingCare - it truly became a valuable lifeline for me (still is).
Does your father have money to pay for help?
If there is no money, can he qualify for Medicaid and be placed in a facility?
My dad isn’t going to senior living community, assisted living, and unless he ends up in hospital and requires him to go to nursing home. He is not going to a nursing home.
Sometimes dealing with him in a fit; in an analogy, it’s like dealing with a person going through a epileptic seizure. Once it gets to that point where there is no understanding on his behalf. I then dial a certain number 👮♂️ and then they come in 2’s and once 4. I tell them the issue and they say no problem; we’ll talk to him. Once they talk and deal with him they give me the hot potato, jump ship on me, and move quickly out the door like the house is haunted. They say to me, you gotta deal with him. At least I can laugh and my dad has no idea why police showed uP.
In reference to being a caregiver is a obligation that one takes regardless of the circumstances and is guaranteed will endure many different encounters, situations and issues and not one of experiences will be exact same as in the past. At times you may try to look for advice from others experiences or other people’s views on what they did or would tackle a situation given a chance before it happened.
I’ve looked into all care options and know the costs. With in home care services you can only have one. Each one has there own business guidelines by which they set the amount of time they have to provide services such as daily, weekly, monthly, 24hrs, etc.. The second thing is finding the right one that he approves of and also deal his bad disposition at times which may not be too pleasant . Its a task and I’ll deal with it one way or another.