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Unfortunately, as I’m sure you’re perfectly aware, unless you have family that is willing to come and stay and get their hands dirty, you must pay for care one way or another. You WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT be able to look after him yourself. I was 9 months postpartum and was forbidden to pick up my baby for a month afterward (and the pain was so bad, I wasn’t pleasant to be around).
Paying for care (talk to the bank. Take out a loan if you have to) will keep your husband in your house. Drastic measures like surrendering your husband to an ER will help get your husband placed, but you may never get him back again.
It’s not fair, it’s not right, and I’m not American so I don’t know if there’s other resources for free care like in Canada, but the fact is, he (AND YOU) will need care while you are recovering and it needs to come from somewhere.
Hard decisions lie ahead. I’m sorry.
Wow, this is a lot. It's complicated and difficult, no doubt about it.
For your surgery and recovery, I would place him in a nursing home for respite care. If his condition is as advanced as I have a feeling it is, this might be appropriate to be a permanent solution. If his condition is really poor, have you considered a hospice evaluation? As I understand it, it mostly shifts the level of care away from trying to fix problems and prolong life to keeping the person comfortable, perhaps for quite a long time.
Sorry for your situation. It must be very stressful. Good luck.
Also call a hospice to see if your husband would qualify for hospice services. Respite for five days is available periodically through hospice. You might also call the Adult Protective Services and explain your situation.
Good luck with your surgery and finding help for your husband.