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In regards to the dental issues prior to her discharge from the facility, I would ask for a dental consult to assess any dental issues.
Lastly, I would start this process by talking to the social worker of the facility.
Note that "resources must be spent down first" should be qualified with the PATIENT's resources need to be spent down (Medicaid will determine how much that might be) AND don't just spend willy-nilly on anything, use it to cover any costs in the care of the patient (aides or AL cost.) Giving away anything and/or frivolous spending could result in a penalty (delay in getting access to funds.)
Also, curious why no SS - others have questioned this as well. Gov't job? That should have a pension associated with it, although the various costs in her care already could be dipping into savings. So long as one has worked the required # of years in a non-gov't job, one should have SS. (Gov't jobs can be federal, state or local, in which generally you pay into a pension system and not SS.)
As far as what that care looks like, ask the facility to do a needs assessment. Then ask them to help you find a facility that can provide the level of care that she requires.
I know that you feel completely overwhelmed and alone, but there are people available to help you navigate through all of this. Just ask.
One thing that I would recommend, when they start making noises about discharge do not let them just send her home. I found that they will say anything to get you to agree to take the patient home. This is an unsafe discharge because you can not take care of her at home, memorize that term "unsafe discharge" and repeat it until you get help finding your wife the care she needs.
I am sorry that your family is dealing with such a traumatic incident. You will find a way to live with your new normal.
You will not be impoverished.
My daddy had a stroke. It’s interesting how different strokes can be depending on the circumstances.
Daddy had his after his heart surgery. He was actually in the hospital recovering from his bypass when it happened. He was in ICU.
After he was released from the hospital he did rehab. No paralysis. His stroke effected his speech so I took him to speech therapy three times a week.
He would mix up words. Once he told me to pick up a gallon of paint for mom. I called mom and she had told him to bring home a gallon of milk.
The reason I ask is trying to establish what is baseline for her....can she swallow without aspirating for instance? Usually with time she will reach her maximum potential if she has not already.
When you have time, give her good oral hygiene. That strong smell may be pocketed food.
For your wife’s care, a NH will provide more support than an AL.
Good luck to you both.
Ask the SNF staff to show you how to help your wife clean her teeth. If there are any dental problems, rather than just hygiene having been overlooked lately, they should come to light then.
Is your wife's speech/communication badly affected by the stroke?
( I gather that patients can hear everything, intellect is retained and need a long time to come out of this )