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My brother has POA for my mother. (He basically lives in her backyard and I live almost an hour away.) My mother has been showing signs of dementia for over two years, and in the last year and a half it's gotten significantly worse. She repeats herself and asks the same questions multiple times within a ten minute conversation, which is what my grandfather (her father) with Alzheimer's did. Last year she stopped having recollection of any recent events and earlier this year she can no longer remember any events from last year including my father (they're divorced, but still friends) being in the hospital for six months and almost dying. My question is, my brother, who I have distanced myself from due to his is underhanded actions, has POA for my mother's finances. I believe he may have talked my mother into changing her beneficiaries from he and I each receiving half of her very large estate to 100% for he and his wife. He has already coerced her into changing her attorney to an attorney near them in the sticks from the excellent attorney she had near me and no doubt had her change her will at that time. I have been documenting her behavior for over a year now and I have family including my son who is a doctor that can confirm her serious decline over the past two years with dementia. Since I have reason to believe that my unscrupulous brother has coerced my mother into changing her beneficiary to him 100%, can he legally get away with that? What legal recourse do I have after she passes? We live in WI, so I'm assuming WI law takes precedence. Thank you in advance for any advice.

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Does she have an official medical diagnosis of dementia of any type? If she does then any changes made after that diagnosis would be suspect.
You can report your suspicions to APS or you can call your State's Elder Abuse Hotline number and they will investigate.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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JenInWI Sep 27, 2024
Thank you for your reply. What is APS? My mother was supposed to go for memory testing at a specialized clinic early last year that I was able to get her into and my brother made her cancel it. She doesn't talk to her doctor about it and she refuses to accept that she has memory issues, so there's no official diagnosis. I believe they're preventing that from being documented in her medical records. The only medical expertise available is from my son who is a physician and trained in recognizing memory issues. I've been taking notes and recordings for over a year as well. That and the fact that her father had early onset Alzheimer's in his 60's should be enough in my opinion, but I'm looking for legal advice if anyone has some.
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You have no legal recourse. You can certainly delay things by paying your own attorney to contest a will once mom passes, but you would be unlikely to win. In all honesty, your brother is well aware you are waiting in the wings, and IF he were able to coerce such a thing (big IF there) then he would be certain to have this will well written when he and mom went to the new attorney.

The law of the state where your mother lives and dies is the law that will prevail.

Now as to what you can know now? Essentially nothing that isn't willingly shared with you. If you have PROOF of abuse, you can pay an attorney to investigate and attempt to get brother brought before the courts to present his POA documents and records.
Big bucks for the attorney there, and he/she will be happy to see you. If this is done without proof and you are wrong you may be accused of harassment and defamation and etc. But that's all perhaps.....

You are taking all of this on supposition? You seem to have no proof. And why would you imagine such a thing? Could it be because it is your brother and SIL managing all care, watching over your mom, insuring that your Mom can stay in her own home? Is it because the are POA by HER request (your mom's) and are doing that onerous and difficult work?

It seems to me clear that you do not like you brother or your SIL. That is sad. They are caring for your mom and she is exceptionally lucky in having that care which would cost her between 5,000 and 20,000 per month in a nursing home. I admit to a deep prejudice in favor of care-taking children

It's my humble opinion that any money and property should be left to the caregivers. I know that you don't live in close proximity, but were I you I would be doing all I could to assist brother and SIL in caring for your mother. But that's me, and you must make decisions for yourself. I think that if this is a large estate, and if you hope to partake in the proceeds of it after mom's death, then perhaps the best road to that is to be the best sister, sil and daughter who ever lived. The kindest and most thoughtful and loving.

I wish you the best.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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JenInWI Sep 29, 2024
Thank you for your reply. I should've explained further and you shouldn't have made assumptions, and you definitely had no right to judge me. Although my brother and sister in law live near my mother they do NOT take care of her, nor do they even visit her, which is extremely sad. They do their own thing and are gone almost every weekend. My brother will stop over twice a week after work and talk to her for 20 mins. His wife rarely sees her at all. I have eight days a month off of work and I give my mother four (not to mention the long drive time) that leaves me with only four days a month to get my errands, appointments, laundry, yardwork and housework done. Each visit I spend the entire day playing her favorite board game and going to dinner with her because I know she's lonely and the game keeps her mind occupied. In addition to the time I spend with her, I call her three times a week on my commute home from work and talk to her for at least 30 minutes, again, because I know she's lonely. I'm doing the best I can. My point was that my brother is very manipulative and I want to know my options and recourse ahead of time.
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APS is Adult Protective Services.

Since your mother has not been diagnosed with dementia, you cannot prove, or even claim, she was coerced into doing anything, especially that you don't even know for sure anything "underhanded" took place.

Speak to an Elder Care attorney BEFORE mom passes away, that's my suggestion. In case he has any ideas for you, as we are not knowledgeable about the laws in your state.

Best of luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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'Coercive control is used by abusers in a variety of ways, this can be anything from controlling someone's finances to isolating someone from their friends and family. This kind of behaviour is a form of domestic abuse'.
Above taken from: www.ag.gov.au

Suspicious can be hard to prove but if you suspect, see if there is a helpline or agency for elders where you live. It may be Adult Protection Services.
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Reply to Beatty
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"...my brother, who I have distanced myself from due to his is underhanded actions, has POA for my mother's finances. I believe he may have talked my mother into changing her beneficiaries from he and I each receiving half of her very large estate to 100% for he and his wife. He has already coerced her into changing her attorney to an attorney near them in the sticks from the excellent attorney she had near me and no doubt had her change her will at that time."

You make a lot of accusations and assumptions about your brother but you don't provide us with any concrete proof or context.

If I was 1 hour away from an attorney but had the opportunity to shorten that trip to my own home town with a different attorney, I'd do it -- I think this is reasonable.

If you think he is committing elder financial abuse, you will need to take your hard evidence now -- before your Mom passes away -- to an attorney who will determine if you are legally able to do anything about it.

Inheritance concerns can cause all sorts or breakdowns in family relationships. We see it a lot on this forum. Kudos to you for spending the time with your Mom. But if you have an expectation that it will be "rewarded" through inheritance, maybe you need to have tempered expectations. Her money may be all used up paying for medical treatments and care (either in-home or facility, which is very expensive) so there might not be much to inherit when she passes, anyway.

There's a statistic that I read about 10 years ago: that 80% of most elder's savings is used up in the last 18 months of their lives. Nowadays, due to the higher costs of everything, that number may be even higher. That's why so many elders require Medicaid.
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Reply to Geaton777
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I’m sure there are ways of doing that but if the person changing the documents has known info that she has a memory issue then it is not legal to do so at all
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Reply to Trixipie
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That is elder abuse & you need an attorney who handles estate litigation and abuse. Your brother is greedy & underhanded. Don’t delay on this ….it happened to me & my brother did the exact same thing.
Document & record everything you can so you have proof of what he’s doing. Best of luck to you.
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Reply to Jada824
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JenInWI Oct 1, 2024
Thank you! This is very helpful information. How did your situation turn out?
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