By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
First, I recommend engaging a dementia and geriatric expert (e.g., geriatric psychologist; social worker) to discuss options to help your aunt adjust to the new living situation. Even a call to the Alzheimer's Association hotline could be a good starting place.
Second, perhaps there is another assisted living facility that would be more appealing to her? Does she have friends who live in a particular facility? See if you can find out what she objects to in the place where she currently lives. Maybe they can be addressed. It is a big change from going from ones home to a more regimented situation.
Finally, I recommend talking with an elder law attorney. As her dementia gets worse, you may be able to petition the court to become her guardian, in which case you will be able to make decisions for her. SEE https://www.naela.org/
Tell her it is a luxury apartment, with helpful staff always available to help her with anything she needs. Make it clear to her that she can not safely live on her own.
Block her calls, but be sure YOU call her daily, at your convenience, so she doesn't feel forgotten. And be prepared to hear her complain and express her frustrations. Just listen. You can repeat the mantra, "This is your new home. You are safe and cared for here. You can't live safely on your own."
At some point, it will be useless to give any explanation, and it won't really matter to her. Try re-directing her attention to something else, more positive, instead of getting sucked in to a futile argument.
We often disagree with modern medicine keeping people alive far longer that is appropriate, while overlooking the way that family do much the same thing.
However, she says she has POA, which makes the niece responsible for the safety of the mentally compromised aunt. So, I wondered if she, the niece, would be held accountable if something bad happens. I don't really know what the consequence would be.
If she did not have POA, I would say, so what if the aunt lives on her own and doesn't take good care of herself?
Gena / Touch Matters
I have been my mom's POA for 12 years now and I was unable to make any of her decisions until 2 years ago when the doctor determined she was unable to make rational and safe decisions for herself. When residents move into AL they go through an adjustment period, depression, anger, thoughts of leaving,saying they wish god would take them. In a supportive environment with the right interventions and redirection and of course professionals therapist these residents do adjust but there is no crystal ball to say when.
When my mom moved into a long-term care facility 2 years ago, she eloped once and was very verbally abusive to staff, I was able to change her behavior and her wanting to elope by using what I call a therapeutic fib. I told her that I got a fine for her cursing and her eloping it was a small fine but it only got higher each time and I can't afford to be paying thousands of dollars. My mom was always very thrifting and concerned with spending money so I knew that would work and it has for over 2 years now
Any updates on your situation? I would love to know where this all stands.
If you continue as POA, get her a functional and cognitive evaluation before making any decisions. She may need a different level of care than AL or will soon from what you are describing. She may need medication for anxiety. She may even be suffering side effects from medication. Talk to her doctor about all of this.
All of you have the ability to block her from calling. I suggest doing this on a rotating schedule. She can only reach one of you on any given day or in any given week. She won't understand this and don't try to explain it. Eventually she may stop calling out of frustration. If she asks, just tell her "We can't all be on-call for you every day."
Finally, as her POA, you should be preparing a plan to sell her home if you know she cannot return. It should not be sitting empty, and you may need those funds for her care. Perhaps that extra money will allow Aunt to move to a nicer facility with a bigger apartment where she will have better QOL. Best of luck!
If indeed she has not been deemed to have no decision making capacity, and your role as POA as per your contract is that of a typical POA not more like a guardian, then technically she "can" go back to home to live .
Your power is not in "stopping her" per se, but in that you can refuse to do things you feel inappropriate, unsafe etc. If she was able to get a ride from the AL to her house by someone, you are under no obligation to help set up any system at home. You could, even now, pre-emptively say that you are opposed at trying to live at home, and if she did find a way to go there, you will wash your hands of everything, not help a bit, and resign your POA. hopefully other family members will support this. Hopefully then she will realize should could not pull it all off on her own.
This is the primary reason I say that anyone with dementia should NOT be in Assisted Living unless they are living with someone that is cognizant and can monitor them. (typically a spouse)
With dementia your aunt should be in Memory Care.
In ALF people are, as you observed, usually free to come and go, though there usually is a sign out expected and sign back in. They are not free simply to leave without any notice whatsoever.
As she is in ALF I am assuming, you as her POA were involved in admitted her into ALF.
Is that correct?
What talks have you had with the administration lately regarding her deteriorating mental status, and this fear/danger of her leaving without care without discharge?
It will help to have more information about yours and your Aunt's history with her admission into care, and just when her behavior became so worrisome to you.
If you are POA and she has been declared incompetent to make decisions, your in charge. Does she use her phone to call anyone but you. And if she does call others, are the calls complaining and want to leave? If so, lose the phone if a cell. She does not need it. Tell the AL, the only calls you want is for emergencies. They are not to allow her phone access. She needs to except the AL as her home and being able to call you 15x a day is not allowing her to get settled in. Once she does, then maybe you can rnoeturn the phone and have a certain time of the day to call her. Make sure staff knows u took the phone so they don't spend time looking for it.
Its no longer what your Aunt wants but what she needs. Your are her representative and you make the decisions. As soon as you except that you arevin charge the easier things will be. They is going to be a lot of fibing going on. Lets hope she does not remember from day to day what you have said. When she asks about going home, tell her you will work on it. When she asks again, I am working on it or just have not had the time. You know Aunt, that I work and have a family so have to do things for you when I have time. If she has a home, sell it asap.
Now it’s been a while and she doesn’t mention it as much.
The other option is locked memory care unit for your aunt.