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You have hung in longer than I would have been able to. I hope you can find some happiness in life.
If you are serious about divorce as an option, discuss it with a family law attorney.
What about assisted living, or a dementia care facility?
really has no idea of the severity of the situation of his health right now.
I am now checking on at the very least day care nearby, as a pre-requsite to a care facility.
Of course you can divorce anyone. The complexity I would think would be division of assets and that someone represent him, as he is incapable of representing himself. Perhaps you need to see a lawyer, perhaps hubby needs to have a court appointed guardian. If you were going to get a court appointed guardian, maybe getting him in a home would be an alternative to divorce.
Can't plan on sister taking care of him without her consent, also, if I were sis and you dumped him on me, I would demand his portion of the assets, on his behalf to apply to his care.
Frankly with stage 4 cancer and the other list of ailments, is he nearing hospice? Is it worth paying the divorce lawyers at this stage of the game?
I would look into NH or hospice, to see what he is eligible for and that to the complexity of divorce. Any of these options allow you to detach from him.
Hospice is a better choice. They will get you help and better meds to make him calm and comfortable. Medicare covers Hospice.
As a disinterested observer I'd say divorce him. Now. Don't wait around hoping that he'll die soon and save you the trouble and expense of divorcing him because he may surprise you and hang on for years. Horrible people have a way of doing that. It's as if their meanness gives them incredible staying power. There's a reason for the saying that only the good die young!
You don't "have to" take care of him. I doubt he'd do the same for you. Talk to a lawyer and see what your options are. Don't worry about what people may say about you. From my experience, people are too wrapped up in their own lives to care too much about the actions of others. As for whatever vow you may have taken to stay together until one of you dies, that doesn't mean you should stick around after you've been physically or emotionally battered, or if your spouse becomes irrevocably insane, or goes on a tri-state killing spree, or cheats on you, or... the scenarios are endless, but there comes a time when you have to say enough is enough and exit stage right. From what you describe, that time is long overdue.
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