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No more exchanges without it penciling out for both of you. Rent, hourly babysitting, itemized food, everything. All on paper and agreed to month to month. You need a written budget and you need to set it up together. I know; that’s a lot of work with all you have going on.
You're adding another member soon so it’s time to start running your family like a business. When you sit down together for your monthly business meeting, if things aren’t balancing out you may decide this partnership isn’t working. The upside is that you will have taught your mom how to budget for when she’s out on her own.
Mom should see if she qualifies for SNAP (food stamp program), If she does that can be a help.
Are you a member/Have you heard of Walmart+? Being a member, there is no charge for food delivery Combining that with SNAP order, sometimes there is no tip option.
One thing to watch out for though, Walmart ordering can become addictive.
One. You paid her CC debt for years at $1,000 per month,
obviously she was overspending, it shows she is not responsible person.
Two. If you order groceries for your family and she orders for the same amount shows she feels entitled.
You know number one problem in marriage is about money.
Add to that stress of cost of living and another baby means your expenses will increase exponentially.
You can offer Mom to help with budgeting but stop paying for her expenses.
You ARE NOT your moms bank. The fact that she didn't save or plan for her retirement is NOT your problem but hers.
So she will have to move into a low income senior apartment, go on Medicaid and go to food banks if she's needing help in that area.
How are you ever going to have money for your future and children if you're constantly spending it on your mom? So just STOP already!!!!
So instead of trying how to save money when paying for moms groceries, start helping her find a new place to live where all those issues will be on her and not you and your young family.
You owe your mom NOTHING!!! As in NOTHING!!!
So cut those aprons strings that you still have attached to your mom and start putting your husband, marriage and children first and let mom now figure things out for herself.
An observation: Your mom didn't plan, save or adjust in order to care for herself in her old age. She apparently expected you and your family to make up for her negligence. That's kind of like jumping off the Empire State building and expecting someone to be on the ground holding a net.
Now your assets are going to be spent taking care of mom. You may not even be able to provide for your old age if you do that. This will pass a burden onto your own kids - welcome to the world, Baby Girl, and did you know that even though you came into this world naked and owning nothing, you already have one huge responsibility, which is taking care of daddy and me when we get to be your granny's age?
You need to think about where this is going and the precedent it sets.
Plus your mom should go live somewhere else.
Is your Mom going into the website under your name/password, or is she asking you to order these things? If she is going into your account herself, time to change the password, or double-check your order and remove items your Mom doesn't really need. Just tell her point blank you cannot afford to order these things.
Get Mom signed up for a senior apartment , HUD type that her rent will be 1/3 of her social security check .
You have been enabling her by paying her bills and food .
Go get some counseling to learn to set boundaries . Mom could live a long time , and she will expect you to be her hands on caregiver too . Having Mom live with you will only get worse as she gets older .
I never think it’s good for young children to live in a home where their parents have to split their attention between children and an elder who can’t take care of themselves . It is not fair to the children .
Having the grandparents move in is never like an episode of the Waltons.
She keeps her finances separate to avoid having uncomfortable strain with her husband over her mother .
The mother is the problem , she’s got to move out . She’s a threat to this marriage . OP needs to get serious counseling to learn to stop being manipulated , propping up , or feeling responsible for her mother’s finances .
Your life is stressful enough without her bad money habits she can't seem to stop.
Tell Mom to order and pay for her own groceries!