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What is healthy is to set boundaries and respect yourself and your needs as well as providing for your mother as you can. You are doing that via a care manager. Good for you!!!
There are healthy ways to respond, but a healthy relationship is not possible with unhealthy people, in my opinion and experience. So keep your distance emotionally and physically, detach from their demands, and continue on the path you have planned which is a good one. ((((((hugs))))))) I know it is hard dealing with narcissistic relatives.
No is a complete answer.
My opinion: don't go. Tx is currently experiencing a big outbreak. If your mom passes, she has lived a good life but will avoid the horrible end game of dementia - the immobilization, lack of communication, and lack of bodily control. If you are there in person, there's nothing you can do to help that someone else currently close by cannot do better. If your mom is close to death, hospice should asses her, not you.
I see this as a manipulative move by SIL to bypass your "no." If you consider your "no, I can't possibly do that" to be final, stick by it. You can visit mom by FaceTime with the Care Manager.
Now if SIL was writing here... "stepped in to take care of my MIL temporarily, find it's too much, need to back out". What would we all advice her? Pushback to the blood relative - her spouse. And so she has by the sound of it. And brother then pushed back to POA, his sister (OP). POA says time for a care home. So a plan is set... until.
Bro says STOP, no NH! He doesn't want that for his Mother.
So he needs to find an alternative. So far this has been to use his wife & try his best to bully his sister into flying into town.
The problem is here. With the brother's thinking - that he gets to direct others to do what he wants them to do.
He can't see it. It may be possible to start a fresh dialogue with SIL ??maybe?? IF she is reasonable? Gently point out the sticking point is actually her husband. But I think I would lean on the Care Manager & start the Care Home direction instead.
Tell him he has two choices:
1) Mom goes into a facility
2) He is welcome to remain there and care for mom because he made a choice to move in with mom so that she would not go into a facility.