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My dad, whom I cared for in my home for 5 years, is now in a nursing home and he has paranoid delusions. He thinks the staff is 'hazing' the residents, he says he's seen residents with Uzi's. Initially I was concerned that he was afraid but he's not afraid. I actually think he feels powerful or more in control because he's the only one who sees these things that he thinks are going on. But when he begins to tell me a story about some incident he witnessed I let him finish and try to pick out one little thing from the story I can use to redirect his attention. Like, "I saw her and she was shouting at that lady to get out of her wheelchair." And I'll say something like, "Which wing does that lady live on?" And my dad will get sidetracked trying to answer the question.
With Alzheimer's and dementia, redirection is a great tool.
The main thing he lost -- that the disease stole from him -- was his cognitive abilities. That must be extremely frightening. And if you can't remember your history with people, how do you know who you can trust? If something he thought he had was missing he could either think "I'm losing my mind" or "Someone must have taken it." Which would you rather think? And if you can't trust people, you'd better hide your valuables. If you then forget where you hid them, well, that just confirms that you can't trust anyone.
It is a very sad manifestation of the dementia -- sad for the person with dementia, and sad for the family. Not everyone with dementia gets paranoid, and some without dementia are paranoid. It is heartbreaking to deal with!
I hope it helps some to realize how very common this is with dementia. This is nothing personal and nothing the caregiver is doing wrong and nothing based on truth. It is 100% the dementia.
Every one my husband told his accusations to already knew of his dementia and fortunately for me did not take him seriously. This might be a good time to be sure all of the loved ones' friends know of the circumstances.
Above all, make sure the doctor who is treating the dementia knows of this paranoia, in detail. Paranoia seems particularly hard to treat, but that doesn't mean it should just be accepted without at least attempting to find some help.
Then her accusations turned to my SIL who lives next door. She accused her of stealing her pots, pans, plates, etc...They got into a yelling match. At this stage, mom was getting worse. Not only was she accusing us in anger of stealing, hiding and trying to make her crazy, she was becoming violent towards us.
The neurologist would do home visits at that time. He prescribed meds for mom but...father refused to give it to her because it made her like a zombie. She would just sit there and stare off into space. And that's what we lived with - her anger and accusations and attacks (we fled before she could reach us.) How did I fare from this? I'm now traumatized. When I see an elderly or a homeless person with that "look" in their eyes, I get terrified and want to flee the opposite direction.
In my husband's case he thought I was stealing from him and demanded to see the bank statements. I gave him the bank statements, which he sometimes read upside down. That seemed to satisfy him for a while.
Persons with Dementia often develop standard hiding places, which makes the caregivers' jobs a little easier, once they discover the places. The real tough part is if they hide it in items that will get thrown away, like empty tissue boxes and waste baskets.
This all gets greatly complicated in a facility. Sometimes the items really are "stolen" -- another resident wanders into the room, likes the cosmetic bag sitting on the dresser, decides it is hers, and walks off with it. This is seldom with malicious intent -- it is all just part of the impairments in the brain.
I don't think there is a perfect approach to this. You don't want to say, "Yes, people are stealing from you" and intensify the paranoia. But do acknowledge how bad the person feels about having that item missing, do try to help them find it or replace it, and certainly don't scold them for hiding it or making stories up.
The book "Creating Moments of Joy" by Jolene Brackey deals a lot with the case of missing items, particularly in a care center. It is an easy read and you might find the insights helpful.
Bonnie, what you are doing to try to educate yourself and understand the behavior is admirable!
But this paranoia stuff is bothersom for so many people I know. And it seems often mean spirited as well as accusatory. I watched my MIL (sweetest person!) try and help manage her father's affairs and he (sweet guy usually) was convienced she was stealing from him. It really upset her to the point of not wanting to be responsible for his funds. He died at 100 so she had that issue going on for awhile.
What you said about a person at the community may wander in and take a liking to something and decides it's theirs reminds me so much of
The Toddler's Creed
1. If I want it, it's mine.
2. If I give it to you and change my mind later, it's mine.
3. If I can take it away from you, it's mine.
4. If it's mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.
5. If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine.
6. If it looks like mine, it is mine.
7. If I saw it first, it's mine.
8. If I had it alittle while ago, it's mine.
9. If I like it, it's mine.
10. If you are playing with something and put it down, it is now mine.
11. If it's broken, it's yours.
#7 applies at all thrift stores, yard sales etc.,
Bonnie
Was your mother nice and loving before the illness set in?
Did she has trust issues early on?
Still trying to figure out why the person insists that others are taking/stealing/hiding things. What's up with that?
capnhardass...maybe get your mom out of the house more often???
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