By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Until then,
Have people coming and going as often as possible - if you keep him at home, then this will become the norm and you might as well start it sooner rather than later.
Get your father, and mother, acclimated to someone being there often. With opportunities for your mom to step out - perhaps for a short walk, to do yard work, or go to the store. But, you can't go from zero to 100 because it is necessary now, you need to still take the incremental steps if you want your father to not be too agitated.
Realize that your father may never come to agree to these changes. Aggrement or acceptance is not necessary, reducing his anxiety over it is. And give strategies to the respite person to reduce his agitation: don't talk to him, don't sit down, stay in a nearby room, motior but don't hawk over him, keep busy, etc.
Finally, work with his geriatrician to understand what the future holds for your father, create a plan of care and then decide the best place for that care to occur. The disease only becomes harder, you can't prevent it, you can only prepare for it.
Aggrement or acceptance is not necessary, reducing his anxiety over it is.
In all honesty most men don't like "strangers" coming into their home. They prefer the wife and/or daughters do everything. I have heard this scenario from all of my friends, "I'll be nice while she's here but happy when she leaves".
When you have two aging parents, it's a juggling act. If you have your father's primary care physician (PCP) do an assessment and be up front and say look, dad can't be left alone he thinks everything is fine.
You could just do one morning per week for four hours. Find some place in the neighborhood, usually nurse practitioner's in a doctor's office know more about this stuff than the doctors do. Try to find a "Medical Model".
Some provide transportation but I drive mother to and from since she has to go to the bathroom after her morning coffee and I don't want her to feel pressured.
If your dad was a Veteran there is $$$ available for this along with a million pieces of paperwork to fill out. It's not a given.
I have my mother go one morning a week for Physical Therapy, Speech Therapy a continental breakfast and hot lunch. There is an RN on duty at all times and activities. Some people are totally out of it--it's sad. I think if my mother attended more than that she would decline but I need a place locally so I get my errands done with some peace of mind so I won't come home and find Mom on the floor.
There is a fee for this along with a bill from the insurance company for Speech/Physical Therapy. As I write this my mother is out in the hallway on her UpWalker Lite.
Your internet/phone provider can put a camera at the door with a sensor. If dad should leave you get a text with a photo. A lifeline button comes in handy too.
You could explain to dad that these places exist so you won't have to go a nursing home. They can remain in their home longer if they participate.
I'll leave you all with a laugh--when my dad was living I said dad why don't we all pitch in and get mom someone to clean the house as her Christmas gift. He responded, "No, your mom likes doing it". They say men and women are different, I agree.
https://www.seniorshomeservices.com/monitoring
The Jewish Welfare Federation offers a variety of assistance; even if you're not Jewish, it wouldn't hurt to find out what might be available in terms of friendly visits.
Our county also has friendly visitors, paid for through county funds.
Also, if you're involved with a Senior Center or religious organization, there may be options for friendly visitors as well. They don't have to clean; and I don't think that they're paid. They just drop by for a visit.
Are there any neighbors who could drop by for a quick visit, especially if they have dogs and your husband likes animals?
These might be ways to acclimate him to visitors while his wife is gone, then gradually add someone who does light household work once he's gotten used to, and hopefully accepted, visitors.
The other thing I would focus on is his safety at home. Does he have a life alert pendant? If not, I would seriously consider getting one.
Have throw rugs or any potential fall objects been removed? Have grab bars been installed in any area where he might be vulnerable walking on his own?
The truth is light cleaning & friendly visiting so I would try that first.
Here is *Jill* a new aquaintence working for friends & will be visiting us too. All have a cuppa together & social chat to build trust the first time/s before Mother pops out.
I see the issue of *Jill* is our cleaner, as 30mins after dishes & a sweep Dad may be confused to why she is sitting down watching the tv with him...
What I found is whatever the story, what you want is *this is happening* undertow. Be careful who gets the power to hire/fire. Sounds a bit mean 😕 but if Mom is kind hearted & gives Dad the power, he may cancel. The help is for both - to help Dad be safer & allow Mom to leave the house with less worry.
So a confident manner is essential. No "Is this ok, Darling? Are you sure?"
My LO keeps trying repeatedly to cancel the 'help'. Why? Because wants caregiver - in the same room 24/7. This is unrealistic (but insight to this is diminished).
Doctor advised: When reasoning is lost, just arrange what you need to.
Best of luck! May it work out well.
So, how did it go?