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First, Calm down. It’s going to be ok. He won’t be sent home until the family is taught how to do it. I’ve seen many PEG tube patients in home care. It’s not that hard to learn once you’ve become comfortable with it. The nutrition comes in premeasured cans with the formula specific to the person’s nutritional needs. I never had to mix anything; just gently roll the can to make sure it’s well distributed. It is ordered and delivered monthly in cases.
Care of the insertion site is pretty easy as well once it’s healed. Mild soap and water will do the trick. Sometimes the tube is sutured in, sometimes not.
Feedings are usually given in boluses meaning amounts of 150-250cc each time. 1 oz = 30cc so 240cc = 1 cup. You are taught to flush the tube with water before and after to assure the tube is patent.
If the person is independent they are taught to do it themselves.
Someone will have to learn - can FIL be taught? Let your BIL learn how to do it. If I were you, I would not. You have enough to take care of.
Once BIL and SIL see how life with a feeding tube goes, they won't want to do it anymore. So, even though they don't want to lose his monetary help, they will probably be glad to foist FIL off on you.
DO NOT even go out to help with the feeding tube during the day if FIL is at BIL's. You will have "mission creep" before you know it. It will be the logical next step to have FIL come live with you, since you will know how to take care of him.
You are correct in that YOUR young family comes first. Do not even let FIL move in on a "temporary" basis (which could quickly become permanent). Be VERY FIRM on YOUR boundaries regarding YOUR involvement and YOUR home life, and let the siblings decide as they may what to do about/with FIL.
Is this a permanent tube or are there plans to remove it?
Is this a tube that has been placed in the stomach or is this a NG tube (nasal gastric)?
If it is to remain when he is sent home the family will have to learn how to mix up the nutritional food. they will have to learn how to feed, how much and over what period of time. And they will have to learn how to maintain the tube(cleaning and clearing)
It can be managed at home with few problems. If there are questions the time to ask is prior to leaving the hospital or rehab and ask that each person that may be involved in feeding him be trained in each aspect of the procedure from mixing up the food to administering it and cleaning and clearing the tube.
If there are any problems help would be a phone call away and with a feeding tube there would rarely be a life threatening emergency if something were to happen. (Unlike a malfunctioning oxygen or dialysis machine.)
How long has he lived in the US? If over, I think it is, 5 years he maybe able to get Medicaid.